Fed up — Scope | Disability forum
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Fed up

MrWilliams
MrWilliams Community member Posts: 5 Listener
Hi im very new to this group and wanted to share how im feeling as don't know what to do anymore. 

Basically im completely fed up with life and im extremely down and always sad. Everyday I wake up and think to myself "here we go again" constantly feeling ill and always tired. 
I've recently been told I need to have a double hip replacement (im only 34) I knew it was coming as I've had hip problems my whole life, but now its here its reallt affecting me. But the thing is I don't see the point in anything anymore, like I honestly see no end to anything and I have no interest at all. It's got so bad that I've quit my job and all I do is stay on the sofa all day and night. I barely look after myself anymore as I just don't see the point in anything anymore. I have a bad way at looking at things (I see everything as pointless and irrelevant) like in 100 years from now we are all forgotten and none of what we do right now actually matters. 
My life currently consists of me watching TV all day and night and hopefully get some sleep if I'm lucky and not constantly allowing my mind to think horrible things (different illnesses) 
I have some friends left but they don't have a clue what's wrong with me as they don't understand how I'm feeling at all because they don't have my rubbish mind set.
Is there anyone else out there who feels the same as me? I feel like I'm completely alone and that I'm just waiting for the day I finally get to leave this horrible world. 
I really don't know what to do anymore, I thought I'd try writing on here and seeing if other people have ever been the same as me and maybe got help of some sort (as I'm writing this im telling myself this is completely pointless) 
But seriously why were we put on this earth just to dodge horrible illnesses as best we can until one day they take us out. I'm so angry and fed up! 
Just not sure what to do anymore so thought I'd give this a shot.
Cheers to whoever reads all this and responds

Comments

  • life
    life Community member Posts: 527 Pioneering
    I've been feeling like this for months (years but has got worse recently). A lot of the things you said is what I've been thinking and doing for so long 

    I don't even bother with the doctor now just take my meds and do the same thing daily as if I'm in a daze. 

    I'm around your age group and I know it can be tough.

    I've been in a rut for years now. I'd say get some help, see a doctor before it consumes you and there's no turning back.

    Good luck 👍
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,555 Disability Gamechanger
    I'm a bit younger than yourself and have also felt like this for years. 

    I was 'just about managing' up until 2019 but have since lost the remainder of my abilities and most of my independence. 

    There is no help for someone in my position and I'm past the point of being able to help myself now.  So it is just trying to get through one hour at a time until the sweet release.  

    I know some people will be horrified reading that, but those will be people with lives that have some fulfilment, some enjoyment, some progression...  We aren't all in the same situation.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,303 Disability Gamechanger
    @MrWilliams have to agree that you need to seek help for how you are feeling your GP is the place to start or in some a real you can refer yourself for counselling something I recently did myself and I see a counsellor this Friday.
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

  • MrWilliams
    MrWilliams Community member Posts: 5 Listener
    Thank you for your replies.
    I've lost all hope in doctors. Gp's genuinely don't care about anyone and just fog you off with meds that do nothing.
    In the past I've tries to get help and it's always the same thing "we have alot of people waiting so it could take a few months to get you to see anyone"
    I'm constantly ill and I'm honestly so fed up of everything now. It's so bad that I can't watch certain things on TV as it makes me even more depressed than I already am.
    I'm completely lost in this dreadful world and see no way of being happy again.

    Thank you again for you're replies 


  • MrWilliams
    MrWilliams Community member Posts: 5 Listener
    OverlyAnxious I completely understand what you mean. People will never truly understand you as they have something in there life's that keep them going. 
    I can no longer walk further than 10 steps with a walker before I have to lay down. It's not fair that life delt me/us this situation.
    I hope in some way your coping my friend 
  • Hannah_Scope
    Hannah_Scope Posts: 7,194 Disability Gamechanger
    edited July 2023
    Hello @MrWilliams

    Welcome to the community! :) I'm so sorry to hear you've been so unwell. I am keeping everything crossed your surgery goes well! I see members here are already giving advice, and I echo them in seeking some mental health help. You can refer yourself to NHS talking therapies. There are also organisations like Mind and SHOUT who I have used before and found very helpful. 

    When you said;
    I have a bad way at looking at things (I see everything as pointless and irrelevant) like in 100 years from now we are all forgotten and none of what we do right now actually matters. 
    It actually sparked a thought to one of the interests I have. I love ancestral research. I love to know who was part of my family and who shaped where I am in the world today. I wonder why some ancestors decided to go to "The Americas" or why some decided to go into service before any wars broke out. You may feel like we would all be forgotten and what we do doesn't matter, but you don't know that for sure. And I know that can be a touch mindset to get out of.  

    Do you have support around you? You have us in the community here to support you. Why not join us in the Coffee Lounge? It's where we play games, have debates and get to know each other. You may find a new hobby or be able to talk to others about your interests :) 
    Hannah - She / Her

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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  • MrWilliams
    MrWilliams Community member Posts: 5 Listener
    @Hannah_Scope
    Thank you for your message. I do try to understand the best I can what your saying, but my mind won't allow me to belive it. This is my struggle, I have daily battles with my head and then come to the conclusion everything is pointless. I know it's a crazy way to think but it's all I know. 
    I live with my partner but she doesn't properly understand what I'm going through daily. I've given up speaking with any friends I have left as they are to busy with there own life's and again don't understand.
    I say to people "until it happens to you, you will never truly understand how horrific mental health is" I'm lost at the moment and don't know what else to do. I've spoken with "mind" and them people and tbh they were completely useless. Just like the rest of the health service. Constantly being fogged off.

    Thank you for you're message I really do appreciate it 
  • Hannah_Scope
    Hannah_Scope Posts: 7,194 Disability Gamechanger
    edited July 2023
    @MrWilliams I have been there and I completely understand what you mean. Please keep pushing with the mental health services and referring yourself. We are here in the community to help if you need to vent :) 
    Hannah - She / Her

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.
    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • jeffmans
    jeffmans Community member Posts: 7 Listener
    My sympathies are with you. I have been housebound and in pain for some time now. I  have no partner and live alone.  I feel for you. I am using mindfulness meditation on youtube,which can help a little. Can you afford private counselling if the NHS won't help? In the end there is no solution but to re-engage with society and give care and empathy to others. I'm going to volunteer for a charity which befriends isolated people in the hope of finding a new life centred more on  helping rather than just myself. I wish you happiness.

Brightness

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