Help for my Autistic son

Karlie13

Hi. Please help my son is autistic and we are struggling with his outbursts and anger. He can not control this and is smashing things up a lot. He has told me he breaks things and smashes them up so he doesn’t hurt himself (which he has done before). Does anyone know where I can go or who I can talk to for help please 

Rosie_Scope

Hi @Karlie13, I'm so sorry to hear you and your son are struggling. How old is your son?

This article from the National Autistic Society has a few tips on some displacement activities like punchbags that might help him stay safe in the short term. They also have an online community if that is helpful to you.

Does he receive any mental health support at all? 

Karlie13

He is 15 no he doesn’t at the minute we are in the process of getting some for him. Thank you I will have a look at that. 

Boop13

Hi, my son was like this at 17. Scary times . He wasn’t on any meds at the time . But had to go on meds has he’s anger was getting worse. We went to a family therapy run by our local authority. 

Boop13

Hi sorry forgot to say also saw a psychiatrist to help him talk about he’s time, feelings how he was getting on to. 

Albus_Scope

I've found talking therapies are often great for us autistic folk, it can be very hard to look at our emotions and put them into words. Did he find the psychiatrist helpful @Boop13?

Boop13

we we both did . Has he was very frustrated and for me it was pretty scary. Plus we gave them updates how he was doing re: meds moods! He’s not in that Borough anymore so alas the service stopped has where he moved you have to do some really bad before they see you 

Albus_Scope

I'm glad you both found it helpful. Sorry to hear you no longer have that support. Have you looked into any other free talking therapies local to your son? 

Hannah_Alumni

@eeL Buckaroo is a throwback! But a great way to describe how you are feeling. 

I just wanted to check in as you have mentioned your past with self-harm before, are you still receiving support? 

@boop13 have you looked at the help and support page on the National Autistic Society? They have an autism services directory so you can find support closest to your postcode. 

Boop13

hi , my son wanted to leave he’s supported living placement due to a noisy resident who’s non verbal. Son is autistic and has sensitive hearing.  The care organisation who run where he is living knew about the situation & informed my son of a vacant room in another one of there bungalows. 

Which residents which are all verbal. My son went to look and met the staff some he knew and met the residents.

my son liked it and wanted to move there. In comes a social worker from the funding authority and says my son has to have choices. 

Bearing in mind my son has had a new social worker every year since he moved down there. Only for he’s yearly annual reviews.  This years one is a stranger. 

We have now find out my son’s choices are all going to be chosen by the funding Borough. Not disclosing the areas has he is living in Brighton for 11 years and the funding Borough are in south east London. 

This social worker has completely taken over dosent listen to anything I say. She did a rushed mental capacity test and said my son couldn’t make the decision I wasn’t in attendance has I’m disabled & couldn’t get down there. 

Now she dosent reply to questions is doing stuff behind my back. I told her the upheaval going to totally new service providers would make my son much more stressed . What happens if he dosent like it if one of your gets chosen by the panel . Dosent answer just keeps throwing up this is how it is I’m following the mental capacity act. 

Boop13

Next she’s going to see if he understands a tenancy agreement. But they talk at them and also throw in unexpected questions that throw my son off. Like he has no disability and no real understanding. I’ve told her my son should have an advocacy. She replied she had made a referral but she is now rushing there to determine if he knows what a tenancy agreement is. Before any advocate if she’s contacted one is able to help. I questioned this & got told the advocacy can help later if one takes the case up . 

They just want to take over. The Borough is looking to make cuts and my son is a likely candidate. He has lived at he’s bungalow in supported living for over 7 years no problem with the care only the noise problem. Social worker said we can’t submit the bungalow with the vacant room he’s first seen run by the care company already running he’s current one . We have to give my son choices ( alol chosen by the funding Borough)  all chosen for care vs cost that was the only question she did answer. 

Boop13

Wont reply to any of my questions leaving me totally out of it. All she says your points noted and pastes a complaint link . The complaints tel no is a voicemail. Says upto 12 weeks to deal with a complaint. This social worker used to it why not replying with answers they are just going to take over they don’t care about how much extra stress that’s going to cause him . He’s got to like it coz the funding authority will choose it coz it prob costs less out of there overspent budget . 

No regards how much more stress my son will have . Totally diff way of running things . Everything unfamiliar ! 

Boop13

I did contact an advocacy place in he’s area but received no reply to my request prob overrun because of social services problems like this people taking over without the full picture of there consequences . 

He has only met this woman once. 

Boop13

Hi, I will contact the autistic society tomorrow. Has I feel my son will be forced to go to the funding boroughs second choice.  funding Borough have chosen. The other choices. 

They are saying my son needs choices.. My son was more than happy going to the other bungalow 20 mins away has they had a vacant room that also is run by the same care co as where he stays. 

This was looked at before we contacted the financing boroughs social workers team. 

But social worker is in no your son has to have more choices can’t just submit that one to the panel . We are going to choose the other options. 

Meaning the other options are chosen by that Borough based on cost . 

So not my son’s choice at all.

the Borough are trying to cut because they have overspent there budget. That’s the only reason they are choosing the other options. That would be a biased choice next to where my son already chosen to move. Totally unjust and they will be biased . 

I ask lots of question no reply just your points noted ( ignored) and link to complaints knowing complaints take time. 

She is pushing these other options because she knows the panel will be biased and choose there own based on costing cheaper. My son’s well-being not even considered.

the stress caused . No reply what if my son dosent like it . Forced. All because an option for them to cut . Money is the factor here and very much not for he’s well-being. They don’t answer any questions because they know you know & are going to do it anyway.

my sons stress and anxiety will be double has the financing Borough choice won’t be my sons . Totally different care provider. Total strangers. Totally new way of running things. 

Where the choice of the bungalow that my son first looked at was a bungalow 20 mins away run by the same care company he stays at. He liked it and wanted to go there . Some familiar faces there run the bungalow same way . They have a maintenance team who would help him move he’s stuff. 

No idea how he’s stuff will be moved if the funding Borough choose there’s. 

They don’t even care . All I got from social worker your points are noted now she’s rushing stuff so that he is getting there choices directly to the management of the care co he’s living at not disclosing the areas to them just name. 

Totally sidetracking me And noting on death ears quoting mental health capacity that’s the process but well-being not even looked at

Boop13

I understand. I’m trying but feel the little person in all this has they know the coo & properly do it all the time. Means nothing ! I am looking up the mental capacity act and anything I can see that’s helpful . Has rushing and proving her point isn’t really giving my son enough chances without an advocacy as she says you can have one later. 

I will see mp and contact the ombudsman has 12 weeks will be too long for the complaint turnover . Has social worker rushing now like Ivor the engine . I understand  your saying ! 

Boop13

Thank you 🙏