I was diagnosed autistic by a clinician nearly five years ago. It's been a rough ride, not helped by the fact that the diagnosis only came about because I became clinically depressed, so I was already at the bottom of the cliff before I had been told there was danger of a cliff! At least, that's how it felt.
I've been reflecting on the struggle that it's taken to come to terms with my "new reality" and the changes this requires me to make in my ambitions, my self-identity, my assessments of my capabilities and, hence, my life choices. It's left me feeling that there's something else going on. I feel like there might be a piece of the puzzle missing, and so I've lately come to wonder if my diagnosis only got 50% of it right. I have read estimates that up to 70% of diagnosed autistics are also diagnosed, or strongly suspected of being, ADHD, and I certainly feel like several of my traits are not common, text-book autism. And I'm certain that a couple of my close relatives are undiagnosed ADHD!
And yet... I could point to my tendency to talk too much and frequent impulse to socialise, which is not supposed to be text-book autism. Yet, it very clearly is. One of the features of social awkwardness in autism is talking too much, to the point of it being inappropriate. Many autistics seek out social opportunities. It's the usual trope of "We want to be involved and included, we just don't want to be under pressure to take part when we get out of our depth, which is very shallow."
It's all very confusing.
I just did an online screening test (the usual caveats apply) and scored 3 where the threshold for a possible positive result is 4 (some of those caveats are that many of the questions are daft and hard to relate to my real life, as opposed to some theoretical alternative me who experiences the situations that the questions relate to). So, I suppose the result is, at best, inconclusive.
The purpose of this ramble is basically me wondering out loud what to do next. Is there something to this notion? Might it be worth pursuing? I doubt there would be any material gain from this in terms of changes to benefits, but I'm not looking for that. I'm interested in knowing what's going on in this chaotic lump of meat between my ears. I want to live a stable, productive life in which I'm in charge and don't have to be paranoid about some mystery neuropathy that might be lurking, undiagnosed, in the shadows, waiting to trip me up.
If ADHD is part my the puzzle, I need to know about it. But I don't think I've got any evidence beyond a vague feeling, after five years, that there's still something more going on.
Cheers
