Coping with bereavement during this cost of living crisis

noscere

I wanted to share my recent experience, as it may be helpful for others in a similar position.

A dear friend of mine recently passed away, and his widow requested that I be one of the pall bearers during the service (I was his best man at their wedding).

I was honoured; I always thought she didn't like me, but regardless, it was nice to see her honouring her husbands memory and wishes.

They had moved to another part of the country, which meant that I would have to travel and potentially stay overnight if I were to attend the service. I promised her that I would attend, that I wouldn't become another one of the growing list of let-downs.

Wondering how on earth I could get suitably attired, pay for travel etc. I found that one of the criteria for a DWP budget loan is for dealing with bereavement of a family member or friend.

Applying for Universal Credit Budgeting Advance
I called up the 0800 number for Universal Credit, at 1645pm on a Thursday, followed the automated menu (advance payments, budgeting advances, etc.) and was quickly put through to a call centre advisor. They listened to my request with compassion, acknowledging that this may be upsetting for me.

I had calculated that I might need a £250-300 advance. Budgetting advances must be a minimum of £100, up to a maximum of £450.

After taking note of my current circumstances, including the fact that I was not currently paying back any prior advance payment, they put me on hold very briefly.

When they returned, I was told that, whilst overnight accommodation could not be paid for, I was entitled to help with travel costs and an allowance for clothing. The advisor asked whether £200 would be of help to me

I immediately burst into floods of tears, having held in my emotions for the past several days and wrongly believed that my request for help would be turned down.

I received this money in my bank account on the Monday morning following my application, and was able to attend the funeral of my friend and pay my respects to his bereaved family.

Suit shopping on a budget:
Aside from the actual budgeting loan, the other tips I have to suggest are that don't immediately splash out on a brand new three-piece suit. There are plenty of nearly-new suits donated to charity shops. Scope being one example! Whilst a couple of the major charity brands seem to price their items commercially, there are plenty around the £10-£20 mark. Indeed, I managed to find a perfect fit! A two-piece black suit at a Scope charity shop (Glasgow) priced at £9.99. There's in all likelihood a large selection of ties adjacent to these suits for under five pounds.

White shirts are harder to find, I guess these are usually well worn, unlike suits which may only be used occasionally. Primark have a range of slim-fit white dress shirts, priced between £10-£14. You can also get a black tie whilst you're there.

noscere

Note the advance payment is a loan not a grant. It must be paid back. Given my circumstances and the shock that comes with bereavement, I was asked to pay the loan back over 12 months, the longest period allowed, at a rate of £16 a month.

woodbine

Sorry for you loss but pleased you got the loan and then your clothes sorted, the last whit shirt I bought was from Tesco for I think £7.

noscere

Scope did me proud! £9.99 for the suit. £10 for the primark shirt.  M&S have shoes at half price currently, £70 reduced to £35, and come in both wide & slim fits. I've often struggled with shoe sizes, one shop's size 7 may be too small, whereas another is too big! It's not length, however—it's all in the width!


I already had a black tie. However, I ended up wearing my wedding tie that I had worn as his best man—his coffin was decorated with the same material and his wife asked me to wear it (I brought it with me as I thought she might like the idea. She loved it.)

poppy123456

Glad you were able to get the budgeting advance. Just so that others know, the maximum amount allowed will depend on your circumstances. 

The smallest budgeting advance you can get is £100. The maximum depends on your circumstances. You can borrow up to:

• £348 if you're single without children
• £464 if you're in a couple without children
• £812 if you have children

More information here https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/on-universal-credit/budgeting-advance/

Sometimes they can have some bargains in charity shops, glad you were able to find what you needed. 

Rosie_Scope

Sorry for your loss @noscere, but thank you for sharing your experiences with us all. I'm sure our members will find it useful to know how it worked out for you. The suit is a great find!

I hope your friend had a good send-off

Superbetty

I am so happy for you, and well done for asking for that! I think lots of people do not realise that Budgeting Advance exist, and it is so helpful! I applied via UC journal for £700 and I got reply almost straightaway, and money were in my account almost straightaway. All together took around an hour maybe. It was life saver definitely.And by the way, you look great in this suit:-)

noscere

Choosing my Primark shirt. I don't usually try things on, but this was too important not to. 
If, like me, you've got no idea of your current sizes, fear not!

There's a great app available, called MySizeID— https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mysize.mysizeid —for Android (and iOS, I presume). It measures all your body areas so that you can shop whilst fore-armed. It will ask you to place your device in a certain position, then following the onscreen prompts, move the device to a second position, enabling it to measure various parts of your body in the process.

When you subsequently go "online shopping", it will tell you the measurements. That's my only complaint, that you can only see the measurements when you're ready to "go shopping"—click one of their affiliated brands and it tells you a) your measurements and b) what size you'll need when shopping that shop/brand. You don't actually need to buy things, though. On one hand, this is useful, as some brands sizes are just....whacky! On the other hand it's annoying, just tell me my size 🤦‍♂️😂.


In summary, I hope this information is useful and helps during what can be a very difficult time.

noscere

Woodbine, Superbetty, poppy123456 and Rosie, thank you for your comments and additonal information.

Yes, we made sure he got the sort of send off he'd approve of! With it being in the day time, we only had the one glass/nip—but since he was the sort of gentleman that nursed the same pint for a whole afternoon, I'm sure he'd be looking down laughing ("the tight gits", he'd mutter to himself with a smile).

It is times like this you find out who your true friends were—lots of people who he'd helped in recent years didn't even have the decency to even return the phone call—then there are other people, who hadn't been seen for years, yet showed their face. 'Tis a strange old world!

Steve_in_The_City

When my partner of 47 years died in 2019 I didn't know what to do. I was 17 when I met him, he was 44. The age difference didn't matter at all; I was never the conventional kind of guy. But I did not know grants were available so I just paid for everything out of my meager benefit savings. Getting to the funeral was a nightmare. I can't walk properly, so it was just really difficult. They got the music wrong, although I gave them the correct musical identification numbers. It really hurt me. Then getting home was another nightmare. I live in the heart of Central London but the funeral took place in Enfield.

But it is all over now and what I want to comment on is the suit! In California, about 30 or 40 miles north of Los Angeles, is a place called Oxnard. It is a marina and yachting centre but it is also nicknamed The Thrifty Capital of The World. I bought a 3 piece suit there, YSL. It only cost a few bucks but the lady who sold it to me said it had probably been worn once only by an actor in some Hollywood movie. I wore it at the funeral. I was really upset about the music but didn't show my feelings. The suit didn't go down too well either as it wasn't black. But I felt good in it and to hell with convention.

MW123

@noscere

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend. It's heart warming to see how you were able to honour his memory by being a pallbearer. 

I was surprised that Universal Credit could provide assistance when it was most needed. Your personal experience serves as a powerful reminder of the significance of seeking help during challenging times and the possibility of support being accessible when we least anticipate it. 

Your openness in sharing your personal experience and offering advice on cost-effective shopping for appropriate attire can be a tremendous source of support for individuals who might encounter similar situations. 

I'm sure your friend would have been deeply touched and proud of the tremendous effort you made to attend the funeral and honour his memory.