My mental health

martie1118

Hi,

I suffer from Cerebral palsy, Epilepsy and mental problems, They have put me on many medications over the years and none of them have worked, I have even been to Mind for nearly two years for talking therapy which didn't work.

I find self-harming gives me an enormous sense of pleasure and relief, unfortunately, I have 24/7 care and the carers I have now know to put everything out of my reach or take it into their bedroom. 

My Doctor sent me to a specialist at my local, he blamed my mental problems on my disabilities and the fact that I couldn't walk. I came out of the office sobbing thinking the only professional who was trying to help was my Doctor.

I feeling suicidal for many years, but sadly because I am disabled I am not allowed to, why? If I could walk I could do a thousand and one things to end my life, why do the so-called normal people of this world value disabled lives more than you there own? Disabled organizations want us to have equal rights so why haven’t we got equal rights when it comes to suicide why are we so special carers must keep us alive at all costs?

Any advice on what to do or who to contact will be most welcome, thank you.     

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @martie1118

I'm going to pop an email over to you  

WhatThe

Hi martie, this is such a sad post that I don't want to ignore it. I know we're all different (I can walk for example) but suicidal ideations featured in my life for a long time. In my teens I rang my local hospital to say I was feeling suicidal and did they want one of my livers so my life wasn't completely wasted - yes really. They had to explain I only had one.

When I was first hospitalised and offered residential therapy 200 miles away, I declined it to avoid shaming my family. We didn't talk about mental health in those days but we do now, thankfully!

Years and years of psychotherapy, counselling and hospitalisations followed but nothing changed how I felt inside. I hid it from everyone, couldn't talk about it, minimised the number of breakdowns.. I recognise your description of feeling relief - I knew I didn't need meals brought to me by a nurse but in hospital, I noticed the relief of having stepped off the treadmill.

I never gave much thought to the people I'd be leaving behind or the effect it would have on anyone else and didn't believe I would ever feel differently. The most intensive therapy I received was 5 years with a clinical psychologist but even he didn't identify my autism. 

I am now so grateful to have hung on and understood that I have neurological disorder. There is no limit to the amount of support you may need to manage your conditions and you should not feel guilty about seeking more. Our mental health is directly impacted by our physical health and deserves the same attention. Finding out that suicidal ideation is a common feature of autism was the information I needed to seek the diagnosis and it's not something I experience any more. I really hope you find a way through this as I eventually did.
  
  

WhatThe

Ps I was first put on antidepressants in my teens, have tried various types and I'm currently on Seroxat which helps me function most of the time (Prozac didn't work for me). I don't think I will ever not need antidepressants and mine is notoriously difficult to wean off - I accidentally missed a dose on Christmas eve, spent the next day in floods of tears and eventually twigged why. 

There are risks and contraindications with any medication. I can't drink alcohol with mine although the accompanying leaflet does not forbid it. Even with a small amount, I get a hangover the same evening so I choose Seroxat and avoid alcohol. I don't pay any attention to those who say we shouldn't use antidepressants.   

Like you, my doctor is my best support and judging by other posters, we are relatively lucky to have good GP's. Keep asking for help, keep trying and don't give up hope. 

WhatThe

Oh Ada 

WhatThe

I get regular reviews by phone every two years at a guess. I thought GP's had to review all your medications for adverse effects at least. 

I haven't used them continuously and many obviously didn't work for me either. DWP destabilised me severely when I was bereaved and my dose had to be increased. They managed again two years ago by giving me 3 days notice of a jobcentre appointment one week before Christmas and I tried to carry on as though nothing had happened. A lot went wrong in the following weeks though. 

It makes sense that these meds mask our trauma rather than heal but I wouldn't be able to reduce my dose to what it was before and I mind that.