How to handle my mother's dating problems and her preference for different men than I do.

Splatmate24

I noticed each time i go for social events inrl i still somewhat not interested or attracted to any men that Yet my mum prefers guys that I met inrl. One of guys that I met did has a red flag already started to talk about his ex girlfriend that was his best I'm a jealous type and I'm not interested in some men that have ex girlfriends and have best friends. Even when I talk to my mum about my feelings. Is always coming out and making my dating even more strict and now I can only date men with a moderate learning disability. Can't even be mild anymore. I can't move out of my house since my mum controls what I do and controls my getting paid by the town council which I don't want. I get fake jobs instead of real jobs. . learning disabilities has more hard time when it comes to dating and relationships. Can't even drive at all. Yep my even go on dates with me. With anyone. my mum doesn't trust any learning disabilities dating agency. That I want to join and still haven't joined. I don't feel safe inRL when it comes to some men. My mum doesn't trust online dating apps / dating sites. I don't like disabled dating sites. My two sisters won't help. A company that does stuff for learning disabilities events. Only one for each other for two weeks. One only on week each other Thursday from city centre by train. My town doesn't much learning disabilities events anymore is only one each other week. The only one is only on a Wednesday. I'm still suck of meeting new men no matter what I do. I always have relel on my annoyed mum that I'm already hated. I been okay and I can talk to guys just fine. I hate tall guys and get too immediate from very tall guys. My height is 4'11 when the doctor yesterday to do a health check. tall men has be can be did were some were passive aggressive and got entitled tall men that did keep do you want to date a tall men like me and said that same line over and over again. I'm blocking him after was from online dating.

Rosie_Scope

Hello @Splatmate24, sorry to hear you're still feeling really frustrated, it sounds really difficult. I don't know your mum, but perhaps part of the way she behaves about your dating life is because she's trying to keep you safe. I know that must still be very frustrating at times feeling like you haven't got control of your life. 

When you say your sisters wont help, is that just with your dating problems? Would your sisters help you talk to your mum about how you're feeling in general?

Splatmate24

Rosie_scope that won't help when comes to dating and i got strict rules about but both of my sister do not have any rules at all when comes to dating . nothing much happen in my town when comes to events . 

shyrest

Navigating dating with your preferences and circumstances sounds challenging. It's important to advocate for your independence and choices in relationships. Consider having an open conversation with your mom about your need for autonomy and exploring safe dating options that you're comfortable with. Seeking support from a counselor or a support group for people with learning disabilities could also be beneficial, providing guidance and a space to discuss your feelings and experiences. Remember, finding a compatible partner takes time, and it's okay to have specific preferences. Trust your instincts and prioritize your comfort and safety in the dating process.

Splatmate24

 shyrest I don’t have a social worker and I don’t think I has a counselor and trying to express my feelings about my mum about why strict with rules about dating. Make them even stricter and now only has be moderate learning disabilities only thar I can can date or b in a relationship. I’m always has problems wirh me when comes dating and my dating preference but still argue. Has tried threapy more then but is was NHS threpy and both didn’t work . One did sent a print out of papers for learning disabilities dating agency and never be like that to any other my two sisters . I can’t move out to . 

Kimmy87

I'd urge you again to get yourself a social worker, are you able to call them yourself and ask for help? 
It is something you are entitled to and your mum's wishes don't come into it, it is your decision. 

Splatmate24

@Kimmy87 my Mum does  calling and can't even call myself for social workers anyway . so i got no way of calling them myself since my mum took over my when comes to calling and that include social worker and therapies. 
 

Rosie_Scope

Hello @Splatmate24, I think the other member is just trying to be friendly and helpful by suggesting this. Sometimes social workers are useful people to have around, but it's understandable if that wouldn't work for you

Has your mum always done your calls for you, or is this something you used to do yourself sometimes?

Splatmate24

@Rosie_Scope my mum will always will calls when comes to social events or dating agency  if i wanted to join them but not yet been done to any learning disabilities dating agency yet but still wanting to join one since one them didn't work or couldn't get any log in detail and the first one is love2meetu and second that I'm not yet join dating agency is Meet N match what i go to social events to and yep my mum is always there to as well of when i do go on dates my mum will also be there to . i even kept asking my mum and only problem at moment again is to get two refence for dating agency called Meet N match .

Rosie_Scope

@Splatmate24 Meet N Match sounds like a good thing to try if you can find some people to put down for the references. Do you think there's anyone you know in real life who would do a reference for you?

Splatmate24

@Rosie_Scope nope i not sure about rl with refence  i only knew just one but used have two but then one of death happen in my oldest sister partner that was his dad that did die . only got one refence but need two . my mum still take a very long time when do things that i wanted to join and my mum is not sure at all on dating agency  to .

Rosie_Scope

That's sad that he died @Splatmate24, sorry to hear that. 

Do you go to any clubs or volunteer anywhere? Sometimes people at clubs or volunteering can be references. 

Hopefully your mum will come round to the idea if it's something you'd really like to do. Dating agencies like that sound like a fun and safe way to meet people.

Splatmate24

@Rosie_Scope i have been going social events but is pub but need to know more then 6 months and only also has been volunteering to and only certain people that mark there name down . hasn't join and my mum always like forget lot times when comes to me . i has always reminded then get mad at me .

Rosie_Scope

@Splatmate24 Have you been doing your volunteering longer than 6 months? Maybe you could ask somebody who's in charge wherever you volunteer if they would be able to be your reference. 

Sorry your mum gets mad at you, I hope she agrees for you to try one of these dating agencies if that's what you'd like to do.

Splatmate24

@Rosie_Scope we did tried one but didn't get pass the sign up letter or email that we did full in for love2meetu that one NHS stuff did print out and my mum till not sure about the second one that is Match N match . can't say anything do today since gone gym . is can take my mum a long times when comes to me and wating to join a dating agency that is for learning disabilities .