Partner bringing up all I won’t be able to do for baby — Scope | Disability forum
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Partner bringing up all I won’t be able to do for baby

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TB08
TB08 Community member Posts: 1 Listener
My partners pregnant with our first baby together and my partner keeps bringing up everything I won’t be able to do .she says she doesn’t mean it bad but its making me feel rubbish . Things like “I don’t know how you cope knowing you won’t be able to run around with them” “it’s gonna be hard when they grow up tho as there gonna be embarrassed of you in front of their friends that’s just natural” “there’s gonna be things you’re not gonna be able to do like run around and play on beach with them but I don’t wanna be made to feel bad because I still wanna do that with them”

I never had any doubts about my parenting but now the closer it gets the less confident I feel :( 

my partner is incredible and doesn’t mean it to be unkind but whatever I try to say she still keeps bringing these things up  

Comments

  • Beaver79
    Beaver79 Community member, Community Co-Production Group, Scope Member Posts: 20,081 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @TB08 Welcome to the Community. You will be able to do other things with your baby. The baby when they grow up will never have known you any other way so whatever you can do will be right for you both. Could you perhaps discuss with your partner all the things you will be able to do. Children thrive on love and being wanted and cared for you will be able to do that for them. I am sure you will be a great dad. Good luck.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 50,342 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @TB08 congratulations on your first baby and welcome to the forum. I'm pretty sure your going to be able to do lots of things with your child.  You will find ways around it, just enjoy the moment. 
    Speak to your partner and explain how you find the negative upsetting. Noone knows how your son will feel about your disabilities and he or she will love you regardless.
  • honestjon
    honestjon Community member Posts: 172 Pioneering
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    TB08 said:
    My partners pregnant with our first baby together and my partner keeps bringing up everything I won’t be able to do .she says she doesn’t mean it bad but its making me feel rubbish . Things like “I don’t know how you cope knowing you won’t be able to run around with them” “it’s gonna be hard when they grow up tho as there gonna be embarrassed of you in front of their friends that’s just natural” “there’s gonna be things you’re not gonna be able to do like run around and play on beach with them but I don’t wanna be made to feel bad because I still wanna do that with them”

    I never had any doubts about my parenting but now the closer it gets the less confident I feel :( 

    my partner is incredible and doesn’t mean it to be unkind but whatever I try to say she still keeps bringing these things up  
    I think your partner will find most children are embarrassed by their parents it's only natural but I don't think your son will be embarrassed by your disability because that's not how children work, it's adults who think like that 😉
    You are probably worrying about the future and that is only natural but try to enjoy the present as well 
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 2,213 Scope online community team
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    Hi @TB08.  Congratulations on becoming a parent soon! I will preface this by saying I'm not a parent, so I won't give any big bits of advice on that as I am vastly underqualified for that part! But I think some of the other members have given some lovely views so far. 

    If your partner is saying these hurtful things, I think it might be a good idea to have a serious chat about it so she knows how much it's affecting your confidence. And maybe talk about all the stuff that you're both looking forward to as well.

    I can only speak from experience in a relationship rather than parenting, but everyone brings different things to the table. It's a partnership, so it doesn't mean you're any less of a brilliant partner/parent if there are things that you're not able to do. You'll be great at some things that your partner won't be, and vice versa. I'm sure you'll be a brilliant parent :)
    Rosie (she/her)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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