So sad

jamrumples

You know, I have no one else to talk to, I feel I can write here because I’m anon. Does anyone else ruminate constantly? I do to the point it takes over my day and it has for so long now, I always try to anticipate what’s going to happen in years to come and I know, I know that worrying about tomorrows stress only takes aaay todays peace. But I can’t help it, everything going off in the world, feeling like I’m constantly having to battle for my health - to getting the help I need be that medication/therapy/equipment… trying to keep my benefits, in a world where they just don’t want to give you them because your a drain on society ….to prove that I’m not just some scrounge. (That’s how I feel) … I’m sad that there are so many people out there who are so quick to rip chunks out of us for claiming. I don’t know what the point of this was I just don’t have anyone else. 

luvpink

I can relate to what you have said.
It seems like an endless uphill battle and its not good when we are living with disabilities/poor health conditions.
It can be isolating and lonely but we need to try to find some positive aspects of life to focus on.
It isn't  easy sometimes when so much seems stacked against us and certain sections of society have no empathy or understanding of how difficult life can be for some of us and derogatory opinions are expressed by some sections of the media and politicians.
I'm sorry you are going through this and no you are not alone.

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @jamrumples

I have moments of the year where I ruminate. I am always thinking ahead. I'm sorry you feel you are constantly battling for your health. Have you spoken to your GP or specialist about this? 

It is sad that the media portray those who need the support in such a way in this society If only they experienced the same for a day... 

66Mustang

I sometimes look at able-bodied/able-minded people and think similar to what some of them think about disabled people.

"You're lucky enough to have been gifted with an able-body/able-mind and all you do with your life is THAT? I'd do so much more if I had your chances!"

I am saying this a bit in jest of course but there is more than a grain of truth to it!

jamrumples

It’s just so difficult, I struggle really bad with losing control. Growing up I had no stability at all it was very traumatic and so now I micro manage (or try) every aspect of my life because the thought of things just changing and losing my grip on everything sends me over the edge. I anticipate constantly “what if this” “or that” “how do I stop this” “if I do this, that won’t happen” but of course…. I can’t control everything and so it’s a constant battle - I didn’t used to be like this, apparently my upbringing massively affected my frontal lobe and years of therapy hasn’t helped at all. I used to be fun and out going the life and soul - spontaneous and then something happened and it triggered me I guess, from there I just started to slip and carried on slipping. I haven’t been able to dig myself out of this hole I’m in now. I’ve been seen by the mental/crisis teams a lot and I’m on lots of waiting lists for therapy - again. To add to this I now also struggle physically it’s just so saddening that this has happened. I’m having such pity party. I’m alive I guess I should be grateful for that at least, I’d like to live at some point too though. 

luvpink

jamrumples said:

It’s just so difficult, I struggle really bad with losing control. Growing up I had no stability at all it was very traumatic and so now I micro manage (or try) every aspect of my life because the thought of things just changing and losing my grip on everything sends me over the edge. I anticipate constantly “what if this” “or that” “how do I stop this” “if I do this, that won’t happen” but of course…. I can’t control everything and so it’s a constant battle - I didn’t used to be like this, apparently my upbringing massively affected my frontal lobe and years of therapy hasn’t helped at all. I used to be fun and out going the life and soul - spontaneous and then something happened and it triggered me I guess, from there I just started to slip and carried on slipping. I haven’t been able to dig myself out of this hole I’m in now. I’ve been seen by the mental/crisis teams a lot and I’m on lots of waiting lists for therapy - again. To add to this I now also struggle physically it’s just so saddening that this has happened. I’m having such pity party. I’m alive I guess I should be grateful for that at least, I’d like to live at some point too though. 

So sorry that you are suffering like that.
Each day can be such an uphill battle.
Its so soul destroying at times.
I hope you can eventually find some peace of mind and.
Take care.

Rosie_Scope

Hi @jamrumples, don't worry about it being a pity party, we're all here to support each other. You'll always be free to chat about how you're feeling here, we've often been through similar experiences and it's nice to know you're not alone sometimes. Sorry you've been finding things so difficult lately, it's really not easy to go through life reading about other people's opinions on disabled people in the media. It can really take a toll on your mental health, especially if things are already feeling a bit overwhelming.

I hope the community can at least be a place where you unload how you're feeling without judgement, we're here if you need to talk things through or have a rant

wandering_chris

jamrumples said:

You know, I have no one else to talk to, I feel I can write here because I’m anon. Does anyone else ruminate constantly? I do to the point it takes over my day and it has for so long now, I always try to anticipate what’s going to happen in years to come and I know, I know that worrying about tomorrows stress only takes aaay todays peace. But I can’t help it, everything going off in the world, feeling like I’m constantly having to battle for my health - to getting the help I need be that medication/therapy/equipment… trying to keep my benefits, in a world where they just don’t want to give you them because your a drain on society ….to prove that I’m not just some scrounge. (That’s how I feel) … I’m sad that there are so many people out there who are so quick to rip chunks out of us for claiming. I don’t know what the point of this was I just don’t have anyone else. 

I can relate 100%

OrangeSun

To all those in this post just remember that there will always be one person who adores you and looks up to you no matter what. Appreciate yourself even if the accomplishments are small okay?