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My attempts to meet new people have been unsuccessful, both on-line and in the city center.

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Splatmate24
Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
I've been struggling in real life to meet new people too and I'm getting frustrated that mum tries to help when it comes to dating but it is going to be the same modern dating nothing will change. I still feel stuck no matter what dating form I go to a social event in the city centre since they no where to go in my town . I have tried online dating. I had some dates with online dating but always went right back to the start. My mum always comes with me when it comes to social events too and as well when I do go on dates my mum will always come with me. No one bothers to approach until one guy that i has no clue that saw me online and i wasn't interested or attracted to one guy. Apart from how my experience has been with real life social events. My mum is the main problem and modern dating is always going to be a problem for me since I'm be too good looking for some men.
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Comments

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Community member, Scope Member Posts: 1,273 Pioneering
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    Just keep trying is all any of us can do. Keep going back!

    Making friends takes practice. Dating takes practice. Looks are a minor factor in a relationship I would say. We can only change ourselves and that takes practice too.
     

  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
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    @WhatThe i already tried making friends i'm never been attracted to any of my friends .

  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,112 Disability Gamechanger
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    Is there any logical reason why your mum insist on going with you on dates ? it just seems a little odd if I'm honest.

    2024 Election won

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Community member, Scope Member Posts: 1,273 Pioneering
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    Do your friends give you any dating advice?
  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Community member, Scope Member Posts: 1,273 Pioneering
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    woodbine, I'd assume that there is and I don't think it's our business to ask.

    I'd also assume that many on this forum have oddities - it's a bit personal to say so tbh.


  • Kimmy87
    Kimmy87 Community member Posts: 412 Pioneering
    edited March 1
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    I've suggested in the past that she contact adult services for a social worker in her own right, they can do things such as funding a PA giving her more independence from mum.

    @Splatmate24 You are very good at posting on here, in my local area adult services encourage contact via an online form and by writing an email
    from those seeking help, that might be easier for you than making a phone call.

    Or do you have a friend, friends parent etc that can assist you in contacting them.

    If you want more independence from Mum, then involving those outside your family who will be primarily concerned with your needs and wishes is a good way to go about getting it.

    If you don't try then nothing will change for you, I'm sure you'd rather have more of a life than be posting on here so frequently with the same issues. 
  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
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    @Kimmy87 im not looking for your opioion  i don't even have a social worker or anywhere i can go without my mum . my  mum hate anything do with online . don't like it don't post it . don't even have friends 
  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
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    @WhatThe nope my friends never give dating advice since some of them already has girlfriends 
  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,995 Disability Gamechanger
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    Sounds to me like your mum cares a lot about you and is trying to keep you safe @Splatmate24, take comfort in knowing someone loves you that much!! Maybe tell her that you want more freedom and work out what it is you want if you feel like she is the problem? 
  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
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    @Biblioklept i tried to say that i want freedom but is doesn't work very well and will ended arguing and i can't full on freedom like some men can have they freedom do what they want . i can't because i women with a learning disability . i prefer if i was man 
  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,995 Disability Gamechanger
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    Do you know what your mum is trying to protect you from?
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 3,274 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @Splatmate24, sorry you're still feeling this way about your dating situation. It sounds like a really frustrating time for you and modern dating can be really horrible at the best of times. We're always here if you just need to rant about it <3

    I think lots of the members above are just trying to be friendly and supportive. But I can understand that it might add to the frustration if you have tried some of the suggestions before or can't go ahead with what they're suggesting for your own personal reasons.  

    When your mum comes with you to social events and dates, does she stay really close to you? Or does she sit further away so you can have some space? 

    Did you have any luck with any of the dating agencies you were thinking of signing up to?
    Rosie (she/her)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
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    @Biblioklept my mum always be like this when comes to only dating men with a moderate learning disability and been  take advantage of vulnerable  . 
  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
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    @Rosie_Scope yep she always stay very close to me no matter what i'f doing if social events or going on dates or meetup .  nope still not yet be sign up dating agencies since one death happen in my older sister boyfriends and i still want to tried a dating agencies but my  mum doesn't trust them if even aim for learning disabitiy . so far only got very older men on other dating apps/dating sites . sometimes only other dates sit  second sit behind me when comes café  but many is always very closed me 
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 3,274 Disability Gamechanger
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    Sorry to hear that @Splatmate24. That does sound like it might make it difficult for you. As others have said, she's probably just worried about you and trying to keep you safe but I can understand how it might feel like she's getting in the way sometimes.

    Do you think you'd feel able to ask her to sit further away so you can have some space at events, or is that something you've already tried before? 
    Rosie (she/her)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.
    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 411 Courageous
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    @Rosie_Scope nope i already tries ask to move away but didn't like it at all and still kept staying very closed to me .  i have even ask for can only date men with moderate learning disability  and ended arguing to matter what i do and my mum hates what i want to do  i prefer to be man.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,112 Disability Gamechanger
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    WhatThe said:

    woodbine, I'd assume that there is and I don't think it's our business to ask.

    I'd also assume that many on this forum have oddities - it's a bit personal to say so tbh.


    ok I'll consider myself well and truly told off, if I'm honest I was only trying to help.

    People jumping down each others throats is slowly putting me off saying anything on here !

    2024 Election won

  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,995 Disability Gamechanger
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    I know the feeling @woodbine <3 No one has to answer a question but it can be hard to help without knowing the full reasons for things 

    Please stick around though, I love reading your posts!!
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 3,274 Disability Gamechanger
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    That sounds really hard to deal with @Splatmate24. Is there anything that you think might help her to understand your wishes better? 
    Rosie (she/her)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.
    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Community member, Scope Member Posts: 1,273 Pioneering
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    woodbine, that's a risk any of us takes when we post on a public forum but you have plenty of experience here! You do make many excellent points and new topics but they won't all land well. Anything we say has the potential to annoy or upset somebody else however good our intentions.   

    My concern was/is only for the young woman asking for asking advice about dating. 
    I think it's vital for young people to have room to express themselves and ask questions without fear of judgement or ridicule. 

    This young woman has explained her circumstances and answered your question in numerous other posts. Click on her profile if you are interested. Had I said this in the first place, you'd have thought me rude so what I tried to do to was express my unease about your question in a neutral manner which you decided meant something else. 

    I repeat, I think it's vital for young people to have room to express themselves and ask questions without fear of judgement or ridicule. 


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