Feeling lonely.... And isolated — Scope | Disability forum
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Feeling lonely.... And isolated

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emmaanear
emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
Hi I'm new here I'm profoundly deaf and have a rare genetic disorder that limits my movement, just wondered if anyone else struggles with feelings of loneliness or isolation? Would be nice to chat with others with disabilities who can understand, thanks. 

Comments

  • Ada
    Ada Scope Member Posts: 14,287 Disability Gamechanger
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    So sorry your feeling this way. 
    I just wanted to send you a warm welcome from me. 
    I know what being isolated from the world feels like. I live it every day. Even though I have a dog and a partner I am absolutely alone.
    But then I have Scope friendships it’s the only thing that truly is keeping me from just giving in. 
  • emmaanear
    emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    Hi Ada I also have a partner and a little senior rescue dog but I feel totally alone, deafness is so isolating and I moved up north to Durham with my partner leaving behind all my family and friends down south where I'm from. Now I have nobody really, my partner is not supportive at all which is hard to say but the truth. U can be in a relationship but still feel more alone than ever. Thank you for replying I would love to make some friends on here people I can chat too hopefully but I'm just learning how it all works here 😊
  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,682 Disability Gamechanger
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    I think it's so brave to recognise and see when you're not being properly supported by a partner, I bet that was really hard to write @emmaanear!! Is it possible for you to move back closer to your friends and family?? I know lots of us on here struggle with loneliness, I know I do! I've met some lovely people on here though which has really helped as it gives me someone to talk to! <3 
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 2,240 Scope online community team
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    Hi @emmaanear, welcome to the community. Sorry you're feeling lonely and isolated. I hope you'll find some friendship here and we can help you feel less alone.

    Lots of our members use the 'how's your day going' discussion to say hello to each other every day if you'd like to get involved with that. And just let us know if you have any questions about how to use the community, we'd be happy to help :)

    What kind of rescue dog do you have? I don't have a dog myself but one of my housemates does, she's a cocker spaniel called Lola. She rules the roost really, such a princess! She'll often come up to me while I'm working and demand scratches. Makes it a bit hard to type sometimes when there's a spaniel in your face :D 
    Rosie (she/her)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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  • emmaanear
    emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    Hi @Rosie_Scope thanks for your message, I have a little jackapoo rescue I would never have normally gone for a doodle but he was perfect for me. So small and helpless and scruffy looking 😂 and because he wasn't a puppy I knew he would have trouble getting adopted and he also had behavioural problems so not the most attractive package to most people but I loved him straight away. It took a long time and lots of training and of course love but we got there in the end. I've had him 6 yrs now and he's the only thing that gets me outta bed if I'm honest 
  • emmaanear
    emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    Yes @Biblioklept it's a hard thing to admit too but the truth isn't always pretty I guess. I've been with my partner for 20 yrs and thought that as my illness progressed he would still love and care for me but nothing could be further from the reality. I think he resents me and is embarrassed of me and he definitely uses my disability against me. Like he will say That's not what I said u got it wrong because I'm deaf but I know I didn't I'm a master at lipreading and no one gets it wrong that many times. Uggg sorry I'm rambling on thanks for listening it means a lot to me 😊🙏
  • Ada
    Ada Scope Member Posts: 14,287 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 4
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    Ada said:
    So sorry your feeling this way. 
    I just wanted to send you a warm welcome from me. 
    I know what being isolated from the world feels like. I live it every day. Even though I have a dog and a partner I am absolutely alone.
    But then I have Scope friendships it’s the only thing that truly is keeping me from just giving in. 
    I put my hands up. ( I don’t mean I’m doing my self harm. ) There is definitely no safe place. That doesn’t exist. But folk like us are vulnerable. Easily hurt trodden on.  

    But you will be welcomed on here by everyone. And make many new friendships. And get lots off support. Your in safe hands. 
  • emmaanear
    emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    @ada your so right we are vulnerable and it's so hard to find like minded people to chat too in a safe space but people here have been so welcoming already I so wish I had found this little community earlier it's wonderful here. I hope your doing ok too ❤️
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 2,240 Scope online community team
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    Your little jackapoo sounds so sweet @emmaanear! We had Jack Russell terriers while I was growing up, they're such characters

    I'm really glad you're enjoying the community so far :)
    Rosie (she/her)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,682 Disability Gamechanger
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    emmaanear said:
    Yes @Biblioklept it's a hard thing to admit too but the truth isn't always pretty I guess. I've been with my partner for 20 yrs and thought that as my illness progressed he would still love and care for me but nothing could be further from the reality. I think he resents me and is embarrassed of me and he definitely uses my disability against me. Like he will say That's not what I said u got it wrong because I'm deaf but I know I didn't I'm a master at lipreading and no one gets it wrong that many times. Uggg sorry I'm rambling on thanks for listening it means a lot to me 😊🙏
    That's awful @emmaanear!! :( Has he always been like that or more since you moved together? Sending you so much love <3 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 50,610 Disability Gamechanger
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    emmaanear said:
    Yes @Biblioklept it's a hard thing to admit too but the truth isn't always pretty I guess. I've been with my partner for 20 yrs and thought that as my illness progressed he would still love and care for me but nothing could be further from the reality. I think he resents me and is embarrassed of me and he definitely uses my disability against me. Like he will say That's not what I said u got it wrong because I'm deaf but I know I didn't I'm a master at lipreading and no one gets it wrong that many times. Uggg sorry I'm rambling on thanks for listening it means a lot to me 😊🙏
    I was just going to say I bet she's really good at lip reading and you put it before I could ask. That in its self is really good and I know a lot of deaf people who can lip read faster then I can speak.  I personally can't master that  I've tried, unless someone is speaking very  very slow lol.  


  • emmaanear
    emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    @Biblioklept before we moved up north I voiced my concerns about being isolated and so far from my family but he promised he would always be there for me and care for me but once we got here that was not the case at all. This is his home town he has lots of friends here but I have no one the only friend I had here sadly passed away in a car crash 2 years after we moved here so for the last decade I've been so lonely and I feel trapped embarrassed to tell my family that I wanna move home because I don't want to be a burden to them and I have no where to go or the money to do it. I'm so ashamed it's painful. 
  • emmaanear
    emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    @Rosie_Scope I had a Jack Russel too he was my previous dog I had him for 18 years also a rescue but what a character he was and my little jackapoo I have now is all terrier in his nature loving loyal and slightly bonkers 😂
  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,682 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 6
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    @emmaanear what would you advise someone else in your situation? Say it was a friend from back home?? Would you think they should feel ashamed or embarrassed or would you desperately want to help them??
    I only know you from the few words we’ve exchanged on a screen and I already am in the box of really wanting to help you, so your family are going to feel that way even more!! 
    It would be a huge scary leap and a turbulent few weeks or even months while the practical stuff gets figured out but is that not better than a lifetime of what you have and are dealing with right now?? Only you can answer that question ❤️
    Another option is to try and make being there work, but it sounds like you already have been trying!! 
    What do you think would help you? X
  • emmaanear
    emmaanear Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    @Biblioklept sorry fir delayed reply. I agree with all u said and I've tried so hard to be happy here or just content I've tried fir 12 years now and I'm not getting any younger and my illness has progressed further. I think im gonna have to pluck up the courage to tell my family the truth I've been lying to them for years saying I'm ok and happy here because I didn't want them to worry. It's going to be a shock for them I can only hope that maybe they can help me in some way I'm frightened and embarrassed and I loved my partner but I don't believe he loves me his actions have proved that over and over again. 20 years we've been together and the thought of starting over at nearlly 50 is terrifying but I can't carry on like this it's killing me physically and emotionally I'm so tired of it all 
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,912 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 8
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    Hello @emmaanear I am going to pop an email over to you <3 
    Hannah - She / Her

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,682 Disability Gamechanger
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    @emmaanear your post really moved me, know that we will all be here supporting you too where we can!!! Admitting how you're feeling like this is so important in your journey and I couldn't be prouder of you!! I know you're frightened but don't be embarrassed!! Be proud at how strong you're being!! The easy option would be just to carry on as you are. You're waking up and realising you're important too and that's just amazing!!! <3<3<3 

    How are you today??

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