Deciding to be single and kid free

wandering_chris

Just learned one of my mates is gonna be a dad an im still single 34 but I feel like I just don't have the skills to be a dad + two heartbreaks are enough.

I always thought it was possible to find "the one" but it's an idea i'm close to resigning, am I right to?

66Mustang

To add to @woodbine's very true comments I think when you do find "the one", if they really are the one, then you would consider them worth even 50 years of waiting and dozens of previous heart breaks suffered while trying to find them that said, with any luck it won't take that long!

Albus_Scope

I'm a firm believer in "Never say never"  things can change, people can change and you never know, one day the right person may be in the same place as you.

Kimmy87

I decided against having kids- my health would simply never cope and my genetic background isn't great - but although I'm resigned to being single (managed one relationship in 20 years didn't last 6 months) I still have hope that it might change sometime! 

OverlyAnxious

I don't think there can be a 'one'.

Each person in the world would only have a 1 in 8 billion (8,000,000,000) chance of ever meeting their 'one'.  And what are the chances that they even live near each other, let alone cross paths... 

bookrabbit

The thing with being male is that you don't have the same approaching deadline about whether you become a parent as a woman would have. My Dad became a parent again in later life. My youngest half sister is 28 years younger than me.
I advise you try not to make rules for your entire life and try and just see what happens. Being open to possibilities rather than despairing over what might never happen will let you feel much more positive.

Albus_Scope

You're taking those first steps by talking to us and your therapist about your feelings and emotion @Gnu89 and I know how hard that can be, so for what it's worth, I'm super proud of you.

Bookrabbit is right, I know us autistic folk need routine and rules, but after many many years, I now know some flexibility in those rules can work wonders and be totally life changing.  

wandering_chris

im ok just got alot on

JW77

I'm not sure there is the one. I've learnt a lot through dating (and the Outsiders Club) as well as more recently reading 'Love People, Use Things' by The Minimalists. They have some interesting insights on relationships.

When I was younger I thought about having kids, and wanted to go down the 'what society expects route) now not so much. I have concerns for my great nephew, and friends who have young kids.  Its a hell of a world to be born into. 

JJinPA

The problem with relationships is, did you make the right choice?  There is always the question of what life would be like without the inevitable interference of a spose.  Kids?  So much fun until they learn they are individuals.  It is tough when they grow up with the normal teen plights.  Try dealing with one that has endured repeated trauma.  You still love them even among all the difficulty, but you can't help wondering where you might be without them.

My wife and I had a magical beginning.  It lasted about three years before the relationship changed.  Every year is a little tougher.  Now there is no love.  It's just cheaper to go on.  Roommates.  Nothing more.

But there was someone before her, my first love.  And there were magical attractions after her.  I have no relationship other than those I imagine I might have had with the others.  I was already married when I met the girl that might have been eternal.  When you cheat on your spose you also cheat on the one you are cheating with.  I couldn't.  I let her go without pursuit.

Then, might I now be thinking the same had I gotten her?

If I had it to do all over I would not tie myself down.