I stopped anti depressant - big mistake ?

Groundhog

Hi, I’ve posted a few times before. I’ve had poor health all my adult life and that comes with other problems doesn’t it, like relationships, jobs etc. I’m now 64 and 9 years ago had massive surgical complications that left me with 3 stoma bags.  I still have them and they limit my life and everything about life that makes it nice - good food, wine, relationships are all affected. But I’m alive. I’ve been on Prozac since it happened ( and before for an earlier trauma). After Christmas I stopped them , several reasons. My husband was using them as a stick saying ‘who’s the one on the nutter pills’ etc etc. I didn’t know if they were doing anything so I stopped them.  In the past few weeks I’ve felt so very down, everything seems black, I can see no future stuck in a broken body with a man who resents me being alive,  ideally I should leave and live alone so then I’d hopefully have some help and space, make my own decisions and not feel like a booby prize but realistically this isn’t possible ( money, family, age ) so maybe I should go back on the pills as at least it blocks out how unhappy I am.  I don’t know what to do. GP says take the pills and increase the dose, I’m awaiting counselling.
any thoughts please ? 

Adrian_Scope

Hello @Groundhog and thank you for reaching out. While we can't give medical advice, I did want to say that no one should make you feel like a booby prize and I'm so sorry that your husband has been using your disability and medication against you. 

I know you've mentioned speaking to your GP but have you explained the situation with your husband and does your GP know you aren't currently taking your medication? 

Adrian_Scope

Hi @Ada, that's fine to say, it's never a good idea to stop or change any prescribe medication without first speaking to a doctor. I agree with the rest of your message too, you are never too old to change your life and no one should have to life with someone that makes them feel bad. 

I understand money can be a concern for people but I believe places like Refuge and Women's Aid can be really helpful. A lot of people think they're only for those going through physical abuse but they also support those experiencing emotional, psychological, coercive, disability and domestic abuse (plus many more).

The "I'm not sure if my relationship is healthy" page is a really interesting read too. 

antiquecollector

I really hope things improve for you asap

Groundhog

Thanks all. I’ve had chronic ill health all my life and it’s as if I haven’t developed a a person somehow.  If I’m out on my own no one recognises me.  I’m known as Mr. G’s wife.  He can be abusive yes but it’s as if he can’t cope with me having health problems as it affects his life too much.  The surgical complications I had were life changing and I suspect will ultimately kill me.  It’s too much to explain on here, I have written a book about the trauma.  The private hospital where I had the surgery have been awful and not been truthful, it’s just a nightmare. But life is too short, I need to be happy . I remember regaining consciousness in ICU and thinking I’m not ready to die, I haven’t lived ! But I don’t feel the life I can have now is enough for my husband.  

I’ve started back on AD btw, hopefully il feel more positive in a few weeks . 

Groundhog

Thank you Ada.  I’m grumpy too,  problem is since my life has become so compromised he’s taken to going out more.  It’s good he does this but he gets quite drunk and I have to pick him up regardless of whether I’m ill or not. He won’t change his ways to allow for my health, would never consider not going to watch sport in favour of staying in with me, even when I’m really depressed.like 8 have been of late.  Am I being selfish for giving him some free time not that he helps me when he’s here . I dread growing old like this , he’s a rubbish carer and with me having stoma bags there is every chance I will need care. I just don’t know what to do. 

Groundhog

Hi Ada,
please be assured there is no violence whatsoever.  Never has been.  He is also very hard working and generous to the point I deal with all the finances so no issues there. But he likes sport and drinking and he will never give this up. Take today for example.  My first day back on the anti depressants, I’ve had an awful week physically with a UTI and uveitis ( agonising eye problem). It’s also super Saturday so sport on all day,  I dropped him off at 130 ( he is awaiting surgery on his hip so can’t walk far) I picked him up at 7. He’d had a lot to drink. He comes home, I make a lovely meal, he falls asleep then drinks a bottle of red wine.  He says I’m miserable and making his life difficult.  I’ve spent the day doing admin jobs, walking our dog, cleaning the house.  Is this normal ? I don’t know any different . I do know that he will never change and I will need care as I grow older so what do I do . I know this is fuelling my depression.  

Sorry to sound like a wingeing old bat !! I just feel I don’t need this, I need more compassion and empathy or I need to be on my own but is this fair,  I don’t know,