nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

We want to hear from you: please tell us about your experience of the online community.

Why is dad so reluctant

gazbom

My dad always died on me and mum
Mum died last month and I'm doing literally everything and it's even harder
He always wanted a mobility scooter but mum was against it
He now has one but uses every excuse to not use it and I don't understand why
I'm close to saying that if you don't embrace it I'm walking away and social services can deal with you from now on
He's got money , still in his own home , but relies on me for pretty much everything as he is housebound without me n my car
Please help

Find more posts tagged with

Comments

gazbom

I meant dad relies on me

gazbom

They didn't get along and not exaggerating they fought on a daily basis re everything and partly mum chose to die in hospital because of her illness and her loathing of dad and his impossible attitude and his ways so in short they were v at odds with each other and I'll be honest dad has shown little if any sadness , he's v V self centered unfortunately and now I see why mum made that choice

gazbom

I will however go with him and take him on a few daily routes which are all within one mile and in a nice suburban area

66Mustang

Sorry for your loss

I have an elderly relative who is in a similar position and doesn't like using her aids. The reason is that she sees them as "accepting defeat"

At the moment she can walk 25 yards without any aids, but maybe 300-400 yards with an aid, so we tell her using the aid and walking further is actually a victory. She is coming round but it takes a lot of time and she needs to convince herself rather than be told to do things

Not sure if this is relevant to your Dad but I thought I'd mention it

honestjon

gazbom said:

They didn't get along and not exaggerating they fought on a daily basis re everything and partly mum chose to die in hospital because of her illness and her loathing of dad and his impossible attitude and his ways so in short they were v at odds with each other and I'll be honest dad has shown little if any sadness , he's v V self centered unfortunately and now I see why mum made that choice

Such a sad situation and unfair for you to be put in that position.
I truly hope you don't take your Mum's place in the conflict versus your Dad.
Just be his Daughter and refuse to get involved in anything that isn't based in love otherwise you will both suffer.
By the way I think you are both suffering now and should help each other

Kimi87

It can be lack of confidence, or lack of will, he might be perfectly happy with being dependent on you running him about.

It's entirely fine and healthy however for you to decide where that boundary of helping him lies, and enforcing that boundary.

It's very hard (speaking from experience), but right for you to put yourself first.
It's very draining when a parent chooses not to help themselves and become dependent on you not through need but convenience and because it's easier for them.

honestjon

gazbom said:

My dad always died on me and mum
Mum died last month and I'm doing literally everything and it's even harder
He always wanted a mobility scooter but mum was against it
He now has one but uses every excuse to not use it and I don't understand why
I'm close to saying that if you don't embrace it I'm walking away and social services can deal with you from now on
He's got money , still in his own home , but relies on me for pretty much everything as he is housebound without me n my car
Please help

I think it might be a good idea if you take the scooter to the local shop or somewhere just to see if it's difficult to ride so you might get a clue why he's not keen to ride it.
It might give you a few clues to help

gazbom

honestjon said:

gazbom said:

They didn't get along and not exaggerating they fought on a daily basis re everything and partly mum chose to die in hospital because of her illness and her loathing of dad and his impossible attitude and his ways so in short they were v at odds with each other and I'll be honest dad has shown little if any sadness , he's v V self centered unfortunately and now I see why mum made that choice

Such a sad situation and unfair for you to be put in that position.
I truly hope you don't take your Mum's place in the conflict versus your Dad.
Just be his Daughter and refuse to get involved in anything that isn't based in love otherwise you will both suffer.
By the way I think you are both suffering now and should help each other

He seems unaffected and the scooter was his wish he literally went into the shop and bought it straight away and it's v comfy indeed , I'm so close to walking away because I'm just a maid of all work and his chauffeur, and for some reason despite never being so well off since mum's private pension etc he's gone v V V money orientated like trying to cut back on ridiculous things but has no problem with dropping £1300 on a scooter which he's now not using I could scream

honestjon

gazbom said:

honestjon said:

gazbom said:

They didn't get along and not exaggerating they fought on a daily basis re everything and partly mum chose to die in hospital because of her illness and her loathing of dad and his impossible attitude and his ways so in short they were v at odds with each other and I'll be honest dad has shown little if any sadness , he's v V self centered unfortunately and now I see why mum made that choice

Such a sad situation and unfair for you to be put in that position.
I truly hope you don't take your Mum's place in the conflict versus your Dad.
Just be his Daughter and refuse to get involved in anything that isn't based in love otherwise you will both suffer.
By the way I think you are both suffering now and should help each other

He seems unaffected and the scooter was his wish he literally went into the shop and bought it straight away and it's v comfy indeed , I'm so close to walking away because I'm just a maid of all work and his chauffeur, and for some reason despite never being so well off since mum's private pension etc he's gone v V V money orientated like trying to cut back on ridiculous things but has no problem with dropping £1300 on a scooter which he's now not using I could scream

It's not easy to make comments on such a personal situation but I think you should put yourself first and if you need to walk away for a rest you should do what you need to do.
You probably haven't had the chance to process everything that's happened so you are entitled to a break and should take 1.
I just hope you have got a friend around you who will look make sure you don't allow yourself to be walked on.
I'm genuinely shocked at how ruthless and aloof some people are nowadays and the things some people have to tolerate is unbelievable.
Look after yourself don't rely on anyone to do it.
Draw your line in the sand and decide what you will put up with and when you will be walking away.