Universal Credit UC50 - Causing intense mental distress and leaving me unable to complete the form

malvinmulch

Hi

Sorry this is quite long but I'm on the verge of having (another) mental breakdown. I don't know what to do and I REALLY need help with this UC50 form and I'm not getting any help with it.

My wife and I were recently notified we had to move from tax credits to UC.

I get ADP with full rating for both categories due to both physical and mental health related reasons, she is also disabled and we are both each other's carers - she provides help and support with my mental health primarily and I help her with the physical tasks she cannot manage. So both of us would qualify for the carers premium.

However The UC50 form has caused my mental health to totally collapse, I have Complex PTSD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder (severe), ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Fibromyalgia, IBS and more. I am terrified frankly, the current rhetoric from politicians has me a nervous wreck and I am utterly petrified of being accused of being a "fraudster", "thief" and worse (due to the C-PTSD I suffer badly from impostor syndrome and this stopped me for years from filing a claim till things reached a head).

Its been getting worse for days now and Its become so bad I haven't really eaten today, my depression has rapidly gotten a lot worse and my mind has basically just locked right up, I have no clue what to write in terms of how my mental health affects me - stress is a massive component to it, if I feel under threat or in danger my mental health just falls totally to bits, which is where I am at now (yes my CPN is aware and in daily contact), the other thing making things massively worse is the uncertainty, the knowledge that (after reading various disability news sites) things are getting worse in terms of policy and particularly the very real threat of DWP personnel with arrest, search and seizure powers has me a total and utter wreck. I'm withdrawing within myself and earlier I was sat balled up on the floor crying and I very rarely cry, I'm fluctuating between being utterly emotionally numb and feeling like I want to burst into tears again but can't.

Its causing me massive executive dysfunction, my rejection sensitive dysphoria is intense and I am rapidly sliding into the depths of major depression (with all the risks that entails - I don't like uttering the S word), I KNOW that I won't even try to do things anymore and will limit the little I am able to manage to do for fear of it being misconstrued and prosecution following, that already I've been verbally abused and physically threatened by a neighbour for being expletive lazy, expletive idle, expletive layabout and more, so I'm well aware there are multiple in this street would happily tell the DWP all manner of stories taken totally out of context (missing that I have good days and bad days, most of them bad and that some days you have no alternative but to suffer) I've struggled to do anything today, I can't even focus on stuff that I usually use to distract myself and stop myself ruminating, I've tried and I just keep feeling panicked and just can't focus at all, I am not functioning at all.

Its so bad that I honestly am close to just walking away from UC as its destroyed the little stability I had mentally, I couldn't cope with a job, the fatigue, the sudden loss of energy, the constant chronic pain that I just have to grit my teeth and try to ignore as the pills only do a tiny amount and I'm still left in serious pain, that I can't hold one position or I seize up solid, that due to the ADHD I'm prone to say random stuff, weird stuff or act in a way that might draw attention and the incredibly little i am out in public I'm anxious as hell and mentally standing with my foot on the brake and trying my damnedest to suppress any hint of any form of neurodivergency, which is just utterly draining and I can only keep it up for very very short periods of time and it leaves me on edge and unable to relax.

We asked the local welfare rights dept for help and they were basically none, someone said they could help but then never got back to us, someone else then phoned and said they didn't really deal with it and then person 1 got back and said they had sent an email but which they had totally misspelt, the email only had links we already had. We are getting no help and I am terrified the DWP will hold this against us if we somehow manage to get these forms filled in (mine is due in less than a month now), that they will infer capability where there is none.

When I filed for ADP, I had help from an advocacy group that was setup for that purpose via video call and it took 3 months of short sessions (due to distress, loss of focus, fatigue both physical and mental) to get the paperwork all filled in, so to be given 4 weeks is just adding to my terror.

I feel like I'm rapidly losing what little sanity I have left, the stress of this is just destroying me and to have the potential threat of being forced to look for work at some point by a non medical "work coach" is beyond terrifying and I couldn't do it, I tried just after I was diagnosed with C-PTSD (male bravado) and I lasted less than a week in a quiet office with 1 or 2 other people, every noise, every person walking past the door or worse coming in, had me a sweaty and anxious nervous wreck and it was utterly demoralising to realise that I couldn't do it, that I couldn't cope with that and its only gotten worse since to the point I'm rarely if ever going out even when my wife is trying her damnedest to coax me into trying and I feel like I'm letting both of us down by not being able to and being afraid to even try for fear its held against me.

I don't know what to do............

malvinmulch

I am in constant contact with my named psych nurse and my wife is keeping a very close eye on my mental health and has the contact details for my care team as she can see the toll this is taking on me

poppy123456

I’m sorry it’s causing so many issues, it does the same to the majority of people.

Can your partner do that for you or at least help you? There’s a guide here that may help https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/employment-and-support-allowance/help-with-your-esa-claim/fill-in-form-esa/ please note, it says ESA50 but the UC50 form is exactly the same. 

If you’re claiming the carers element for yourself you didn’t have to report your health condition because as a carer you won’t have any commitments anyway. 

Also if you’re found to have LCWRA then you won’t be able to receive payment for both LCWRA or carers element because the same person can’t be paid both elements. You would only receive the higher element. 

Albus_Scope

Hey there @malvinmulch and a big welcome from me too.

I'm sorry it's been getting to you so much, but I can totally empathise, we can really build things up to be the most important thing in the world and that can really take a tole mentally on us. But thank you for sharing here, I'm hoping just typing it all out may help a little bit? 
Poppy has given some top advice, so hopefully that will help a bit too. But we're all here if you need support with anything. 

Stay safe. 

malvinmulch

poppy123456 said:

I’m sorry it’s causing so many issues, it does the same to the majority of people.

Can your partner do that for you or at least help you? There’s a guide here that may help https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/employment-and-support-allowance/help-with-your-esa-claim/fill-in-form-esa/ please note, it says ESA50 but the UC50 form is exactly the same. 

If you’re claiming the carers element for yourself you didn’t have to report your health condition because as a carer you won’t have any commitments anyway. 

Also if you’re found to have LCWRA then you won’t be able to receive payment for both LCWRA or carers element because the same person can’t be paid both elements. You would only receive the higher element. 

Thanks, I was just reading benefits and work and there was highlights about the answers for universal credit potentially affecting pip and dla and was afraid the same might apply for ADP also in Scotland. I had 3 months of support from voiceability scotland to fill out the adp form and even then it was a massive struggle and I felt mentally exhausted after each short session of trying to concentrate and also digging through some distressing feelings. What doesn't help is the impostor syndrome, like I feel like I mentally should be able to cope but I can't, that it all falls down like a house of cards at the slightest hint of threat or danger. The idea of DWP being able to arrest me, leaves me a total mess and is causing me monumental distress.

To clarify I get carers allowance, as does my wife, she gets full rate DLA and I get full rate ADP. So hence why they have sent the uc50 forms out, I'm also worried that if the worst was to happen to my wife that they would expect me to find work and the last time I had work was a decade ago and 6 years ago was when the C-PTSD kicked in and its only gotten worse since then. I'm afraid if I don't fill out this form then they will mark me down as fit for work and it will affect my ADP. Its not so much the money as not wanting to fall down a trap.

Sorry my head is totally jumbled and I'm trying to write coherently and failing.

I hate this as I know people look at me and think there is nothing wrong with me (due to my disabilities being invisible), as said above already been verbally abused and threatened by a neighbour, I rarely leave the house anymore and its usually with my wife, years ago I wanted to travel the world, see as much as possible, fill my passport with stamps but a lifetime of growing up neurodiverse with ADHD and undiagnosed, picked on constantly and ostracised and with parents who weren't exactly supportive has left me just broken.

Thanks for listening....I'm just a neurotic mess today a total and utter neurotic mess.

malvinmulch

Albus_Scope said:

Hey there @malvinmulch and a big welcome from me too.

I'm sorry it's been getting to you so much, but I can totally empathise, we can really build things up to be the most important thing in the world and that can really take a tole mentally on us. But thank you for sharing here, I'm hoping just typing it all out may help a little bit? 
Poppy has given some top advice, so hopefully that will help a bit too. But we're all here if you need support with anything. 

Stay safe. 

Albus,

Thanks its appreciated. It snowballs, it used to just be generalised anxiety disorder but about 6 years ago it became Complex-PTSD and I've never been right since. I struggle out in public even with someone with me that were and should be a walk in the park, groups of people cause my panic level to soar, particularly groups of teens (dates back to when I was a teen). I don't really go out anymore, even to places I knew well and which were quiet (rural beach where apart from the height of summer the most you would see would be a dog walker in the distance but otherwise it was virtually deserted)

Back taking diazepam in the first time in well over a year to try and bring me back down.

This is just so much harder than it needs to be and the current rhetoric giving the DWP police powers but without any PACE style oversight has me messed up totally. I feel just...in danger and under threat and my hypervigilance is kicked into overdrive and even the slightest noise has me flinching and jolting.

I really don't want to end up stuck in Airstrip 1 (orwell) or 1930s Germany, though thats where it feels things are going. Its left me feeling sick to my stomach and beyond afraid, I know my history too well it seems...

poppy123456

ADP and LCWRA are completely different and one doesn’t affect the other in a bad way.

I do see your point about what may happen in the future, I was just thinking of the here and now.

You mentioned both claiming carers allowance but this is deducted in full from any UC entitlement so please make sure your UC includes 2 carers elements. If each of you reported being a carer then it should include it. 

malvinmulch

yes we did poppy, thank you very much for bringing that to my attention. I will make sure that is applied.

Might see if its possible to defer the UC50 process as due to my mental state its just not likely to happen.

Albus_Scope

I can empathise with most of what you've talked about @malvinmulch I've been through that route of mental illness (though mine was PTSD after I was attacked, then diagnosed C-PTSD after everything else caught up with my brain) and it's definitely not fun, but there's support there and things can get better with time and some therapy. It wont be easy, I totally get that, but it's worth it using baby steps. I can't give any medical advise of course, but I can say look into EMDR for the C-PTSD. 

I'd try to push the recent news to the back of your mind, if your mind will allow it. It's all talk currently and I doubt it'll actually happen. 

malvinmulch

It feels like the last toss of the dice for sunak and its burn down the house on the way out the door. Not mention it seems like the DWP must have serious dirt on politicians for so many to cower away from them, whether labour or conservative, seems like they have gotten way too big and way too powerful, though Unum Providents grubby little fingers are all over this though.

(pardon any incoherency I have 10mg of prescribed valium in my system to try and calm down my freaked out mind even to a small degree)

malvinmulch

Albus_Scope said:

I can empathise with most of what you've talked about @malvinmulch I've been through that route of mental illness (though mine was PTSD after I was attacked, then diagnosed C-PTSD after everything else caught up with my brain) and it's definitely not fun, but there's support there and things can get better with time and some therapy. It wont be easy, I totally get that, but it's worth it using baby steps. I can't give any medical advise of course, but I can say look into EMDR for the C-PTSD. 

I'd try to push the recent news to the back of your mind, if your mind will allow it. It's all talk currently and I doubt it'll actually happen. 

Mine has been brewing for decades and its jarring how much its changed me, made worse by losing my faithful pooch at 12 just over 2 years ago, she allowed me to get out despite freaking out, she gave me something to focus on and suppress to a degree the terror within. Sadly losing her made me worse, and I'm allergic to dog dander though I don't think I would made it through losing another one, losing her broke me and I almost didnt make it through, service couldn't find a bed for me anywhere so my wife was left to try and keep me safe. I figure it was luck more than anything that got me through that period and that scares the hell out of me, wasnt so much walking up to that line, it was several steps past it....Kinda makes me think of Riggs from Lethal Weapon 1.

I found netflix's punisher pretty relatable also, the jolting awake, the involuntary recollections, the need to find someway to burn off the adrenaline.....Jon Bernthal did a really good performance portraying Frank Castle, not an easy watch but one I could emphasise with and recognise various personality traits

Albus_Scope

I'm so sorry to hear about your doggo, I know that can absolutely tear you apart. I was the same with my beloved old gal who we lost a few years back.  PTSD really does change a person, but I'm definitely a better person than before, it really makes you revaluate priorities in life. I'm glad you have your wife there to lean on when you need to, support can help so so much. Healing from it takes time, so don't be too hard on yourself please.

I totally get what you mean about Frank Castle, they didn't sugarcoat it at all, it was refreshing to see. 

malvinmulch

Albus_Scope said:

I'm so sorry to hear about your doggo, I know that can absolutely tear you apart. I was the same with my beloved old gal who we lost a few years back.  PTSD really does change a person, but I'm definitely a better person than before, it really makes you revaluate priorities in life. I'm glad you have your wife there to lean on when you need to, support can help so so much. Healing from it takes time, so don't be too hard on yourself please.

I totally get what you mean about Frank Castle, they didn't sugarcoat it at all, it was refreshing to see. 

Yeah you could see the pain inside, the rage at what happened, the anger at himself, the smashing of walls with a sledgehammer during the worst of the flashbbacks, the being haunted by things he did and was part of.

If I had passed out of RN officer training I was guaranteed multiple deployments to Afghanistan and honestly I could have seen it having the same effect on me, I left as I felt like I was on the wrong path and was trying to avoid ending up where I am now but it seems my mums adage of "whats before you will not go by you" was pretty spot on. Times I think it might have been easier for me to accept if I had developed it after being in combat, a justification that people would more readily have accepted and understood or at least I would have gone down fighting.