Social media

66Mustang

I have never ever used any of the social media sites but my support worker has suggested that I sign up to one, because a lot of the things I want to get involved in communicate a lot over social media. Also it may be a good way to “meet” some of the people who I might meet, before doing so in real life, which would make stuff easier. My support worker uses all of them as part of her job and with her experience (she has autism herself) and knowing what kind of atmosphere I prefer, she suggested FaceBook which I am happy with

I am just worried about one thing. I was really badly bullied at school, by pretty much everyone, not just a few people, although I am aware that most people likely just joined in out of fear of being bullied themselves. Regardless of that I was very much hated at school...as far as I can understand, I never did anything to deserve this hatred, apart from being an easy target. However, this hatred is sadly mutual and I think that I would rather not meet anyone from school

The problem is I have lived in the same town since I was born and I am worried about coming across people

Over 10 years has passed since I was at school, so it’s likely many have moved on, and indeed I have not spotted one in town recently. The last person I spotted was about 5 years ago and I don’t think they recognised me.

However I believe social media sites like to suggest potential “friends” for you, often people near to where you live

Assuming I don’t want to use a false name or false address, because I want to connect with people who I will end up meeting, is there anything that can be done, like making your account private to people who aren’t on some kind of friends list or something?

This might be obvious when I sign up but I would just like to get some info before doing so

Also ... I’m just wondering, has anyone ever, via social media, accidentally come across somebody from a previous life who you’d rather draw a line under and forget about?

Is this a worry that can come to fruition or is it very unlikely??

OverlyAnxious

There are two main privacy settings on Facebook.

The first is 'who can see your profile' - this can be locked right down to friends only.

The second is 'who can send friend requests' - this can be locked down to friends of friends.  

When you make a post, you can also choose to make that friends only or public.  And most Facebook groups (essentially small forums within Facebook) are locked and moderated now.


I have been contacted through Facebook by two people I wasn't expecting to see my profile in the past decade.  After each incident I tightened the privacy settings.  It hasn't happened since.

Must admit I'm a bit surprised Facebook has been suggested in this situation.  I find most of it to be unnecessarily judgement and confrontational.  I view regularly, but haven't really posted on it for 5 years or so.  I prefer Instagram myself.

Jimm_Alumni

I will say, minus the bit about eventually meeting people IRL (in real life). Isn't that sort of what this online community is? 

I'd say there are other ways of meeting people IRL than using social media as well. While I understand why it's being suggested I can understand the concerns! I personally don't use my personal self online at all. The suggestion of Facebook is rather surprising to me too, given that it is now generally for much older people. I suppose I understand if your therapist is older, but I don't think Facebook is the best option.

Albus_Scope

As an old person, I use Facebook a fair bit.

I've locked down my account so only friends of friends can add friend requests and I cant be added via email address etc. So it's all very secure. 
 Unfortunately the FB 'people you may know' section showed me the people who caused my PTSD, but it gave me the option to not have them shown again and they've now been blocked. 
It has been great for keeping in touch with people I've not seen in ages, as well as family members abroad. So it certainly has its uses. Everyone uses FB differently, some use it as a diary for close friends, others just add anyone and post random memes, so it's all very flexible. 

66Mustang

Thanks everyone

@OverlyAnxious

Thanks for the tips. Instagram was actually the second one of two suggested to me, but I decided to use FaceBook because I have a relative in his 60s who uses it, he is vaguely similar to me in nature/mental health (aside from his age and the fact that he is hyper intelligent) and I respect his views - he told me that FaceBook is “a powerful tool, as long as you don’t abuse it”. I am obviously keen to hear other opinions though, and your comment on FaceBook does concern me… I assumed Instagram was mostly just for sharing pictures??

@Jimm_Scope

You are very spot on that this community provides everything “except for people to meet in real life”!! Sadly, that one not-so-minor detail is actually rather fundamental to me   I have no one in real life apart from family, I think someone would perhaps need to maybe be in the same position in order to understand. Fortunately it’s not an “either/or” though, I am not going to leave Scope!!

I’m not aiming to “use social media to meet people in real life” but more to find stuff to do that involves other people that I might be interested in, like car clubs or whatever. It’s a way to kind of look at some of the groups I am planning on going to before I go, because that would make me feel less like I am walking into something unknown if that makes sense?

@Albus_Scope

Thanks for the tips and experience, what you post is exactly the sort of thing that I am worried about happening to me so I am maybe going to have another think

Albus_Scope

I'd say don't let what I've said put you off at all @66Mustang it's very easy to block people these days.  
It's certainly good for finding local groups to join.
 Though Instagram can be a double edged sword, lots to see on there, but the doom scrolling can take over and people tend to carefully curate their posts, so it's mostly people being overly positive, with heavily photoshopped pics. It's certainly not as good for meeting folk.

OverlyAnxious

66Mustang said:

@OverlyAnxious

Thanks for the tips. Instagram was actually the second one of two suggested to me, but I decided to use FaceBook because I have a relative in his 60s who uses it, he is vaguely similar to me in nature/mental health (aside from his age and the fact that he is hyper intelligent) and I respect his views - he told me that FaceBook is “a powerful tool, as long as you don’t abuse it”. I am obviously keen to hear other opinions though, and your comment on FaceBook does concern me… I assumed Instagram was mostly just for sharing pictures??

Instagram is primarily about sharing pictures.  But many of those pictures come from car clubs, documenting previous events and advertising upcoming shows etc.  Plus daily life, car cleaning, modifying, scenery etc.  People can comment on the pictures, but I find far fewer negative comments on there personally.

There's no need to use your real name on Instagram so you can sign up to that one without security concerns and see if there are any pages or groups that you like the look of.  You can follow and unfollow people or pages on there quite easily.  If you decide you don't like one, it's just one click to remove it...

The only thing I will say about Instagram is that it uses a very powerful tracking algorithm in the search.  So if you look at a picture that was triggering even just once, the next 'recommended' pictures will often keep bringing up similar ones for the next day or two.  Equally you can end up down the rabbit hole of only seeing the same type of pictures repeatedly, which can 'reinforce' an unpleasant thought if you don't have the willpower to just stop scrolling and do something else instead.  I don't think that's enough of a reason not to use it though.  Just something to be aware of.

66Mustang

@OverlyAnxious

That's kind of interesting about the algorithms

This might sound weird, or you might get it immediately, but because of the way my triggers work, I can see the algorithm thinking I'm actually really interested in the triggers and suggesting more and more of them; this is because when I see a trigger it will often start a negative thought and I will often look further into that by clicking on it with the hope of "challenging" and "defeating" the thought

It's quite hard to give an example but here is a really basic one ... someone posts an innocent joke that makes fun of, say, autism; I notice it has a few "likes" and assume everyone finds it funny; then my mind goes to the extreme and I think everyone thinks badly of autistic people; so I look up more and more jokes to see if there are people who don't find them funny because I want to find someone who disagrees and is willing to defend autistic people ... after 3 hours of doing that and making myself worse I realise it was just a joke and forget all about it but now in future I will get millions of anti-autism jokes because I've been clicking on them

OverlyAnxious

66Mustang said:

@OverlyAnxious

That's kind of interesting about the algorithms

This might sound weird, or you might get it immediately, but because of the way my triggers work, I can see the algorithm thinking I'm actually really interested in the triggers and suggesting more and more of them; this is because when I see a trigger it will often start a negative thought and I will often look further into that by clicking on it with the hope of "challenging" and "defeating" the thought

It's quite hard to give an example but here is a really basic one ... someone posts an innocent joke that makes fun of, say, autism; I notice it has a few "likes" and assume everyone finds it funny; then my mind goes to the extreme and I think everyone thinks badly of autistic people; so I look up more and more jokes to see if there are people who don't find them funny because I want to find someone who disagrees and is willing to defend autistic people ... after 3 hours of doing that and making myself worse I realise it was just a joke and forget all about it but now in future I will get millions of anti-autism jokes because I've been clicking on them

That sounds like reassurance seeking which is a fairly common OCD symptom. 

Both Facebook & Instagram use the same type of algorithm for recommendations (they're both owned by the same company) so that would happen with both of them.

Unfortunately you would need to challenge the reassurance seeking behaviour, rather than the thought, to overcome that.    

I'm lucky in that way because I've never been reassured by anything that anyone else says, so there's no point me 'seeking' reassurance personally. 

Jimm_Alumni

I said generally!!!! 

I didn't say nobody younger used it :P It can certainly still be good for checking out local groups and more. Sorry @Biblioklept