Worrying

66Mustang

I read @Biblioklept ’s lovely post a few days ago using an analogy that sometimes it’s good to worry about things because if you showed symptoms of a heart attack and just ignored it because it’s unlikely to be a heart attack, what if it actually is a heart attack???

I’m very guilty of not taking stuff seriously a lot of the time. I think this has served me well, but the point that one day I might regret not worrying is really valid.

Do you think there’s an “ideal” amount to worry about things? Or does every situation demand a different balance of worry/calmness?

I have seen a few clips of military pilots crash landing after being hit…something I find simply awe inspiring is how they stay totally calm, I mean ridiculously calm, as if there is nothing wrong, as they do their best to guide the aircraft toward ground as smoothly as possible…they must know that they’re not going to walk away uninjured but by staying calm they can at least mitigate things and avoid a worse fate

But I’m not doubting that some worry must be beneficial, it is supposed to be useful evolutionarily, as it gets us out of danger…

Maybe this is oversimplifying but I’m inclined to say I think worrying about stuff that is beyond your control is of no use, but worrying is good when you can act on it, because it pushes you into improving the situation

What are your thoughts??

Albus_Scope

Excellent question @66Mustang imho I think having a level of worry is good. I'm an anxious person, but also very easy going.  My old therapist said my reptile brain was in overdrive due to my PTSD, which would've helped me back in the caveman days, but it's not quite so helpful in modern times. 

I think it's pretty natural for some people to worry more than others, we're all built differently after all. 

66Mustang

@Albus_Scope

I think I can relate to that as I'm quite a severely anxious person as well but really laid back at the same time

If someone pulls out in front of me when I am driving swiftly along a main road I just brake, I'm in control and their actions are only dangerous if I allow them to be, yet on a daily basis I witness other people go ballistic at the most minor infraction

But having to deal with a shopkeeper ... most people don't think twice but I start trembling and sweating ... but that just makes things worse as I end up being too nervous to speak and just embarrass myself  

It's an odd thing  

OverlyAnxious

I've always hated people pulling out on me in a car.  Not so much about them hitting them my car, as I'm in control of that.  But more about the fact they're obviously not looking where they're going, and are likely to hit another car with another unobservant driver, then I'll be trapped in the accident traffic behind them, and potentially expected to assist with first aid or contact emergency services.

I realise that sounds horribly selfish, but it seems to be a very deeply ingrained part of my brain that can't stand any form of entrapment.  I spent the best part of a decade trying be more tolerant of bad drivers, but never managed any improvement in it.  In later years, I've come to believe that a fear of being trapped is part of the agoraphobia, but the fact that it never seemed to change, unlike other anxiety triggers, makes me feel there's more to it than that.

I should add, I feel the same level of anxiety/panic when I'm a pedestrian on the pavement and see people failing to give way appropriately in cars or on bikes.

Having said all that, I still can't understand what's so difficult about giving way.  If there's another car coming, just don't pull out until it's passed...  It's really not difficult and makes the driving experience much more pleasant for everyone on the road. 

On the subject of worry, I think the correct level is enough to make you sharp & focussed for the task at hand, but it's too much when it starts impeding on your functional ability and performance.

66Mustang

@OverlyAnxious

I am absolutely with you about not pulling out in front of people, and am not trying to justify it at all. It's not hard to give way.

If this makes sense, though, I almost apply a form of reverse hypocrisy with my attitude to it - I tolerate when others to do it, but will not allow myself to do it!!  

I just think if someone makes a minor traffic mistake and someone get really excited about it, their lives must be quite dull, I don't have a super exciting life but for me most mistakes on the road are non-events

Albus_Scope

Totally with you there with the shopkeeper issues @66Mustang I can be the worlds most confident person at home, or on stream, but put me in front of a real life person that I don't know and I turn into jelly. 

SueL

Maybe this is oversimplifying but I’m inclined to say I think worrying about stuff that is beyond your control is of no use, but worrying is good when you can act on it, because it pushes you into improving the situation -

I agree with this. It's frustrating if you can't do anything about something. I have often referred to the accept/change/walk away quote. If you can't accept something then change it if you can and if you can do neither then walk away from it. 

I get obsessions about silly things and some not so silly and get worked up over something that hasn't even happened yet! Totally unable sometimes to go with the flow, but am learning.

Jimm_Scope

Worrying is a natural response, but it is like many things. Best in moderation. Over-worrying can be incredibly stressful and even paralysing. Under-worrying can be risky or even dangerous. As others have said, this is simplifying it, our brains are incredibly complex after all.

Sandy_123

It's good to worry about things, to find solutions and share with others to get to advice. But worrying about things that no one can change or is beyond our control, is not healthy. Under worrying can be dangerous if things need sorting 

WelshBlue

So many great posts above

I never used to be a 'worrying' person.  My job meant I had to think clearly every minute, for my safety and those around me.  I was also a very outgoing person, with various circles of friends ... nothing phased me

Then PTSD and General Anxiety Disorder came into my life and I essentially changed from being 'me'
Never really home to being very solitary.  And worrying about everything

Catastrophic Thinking is a killer.  I've killed so many people off concentrating on the worst case scenario
Projection ... I find it difficult to talk to people now and avoid them when I can.  Evening turning around to not be seen

The above 2 are silly worries to others, but to me at the time, it's the be all and end all.  It's not so bad now with the help of a great psychologist for 3 years

I'm learning to let those things out of my control go ... not always easy mentally but a lot better emotionally 

66Mustang

@WelshBlue

That's really interesting that you post about catastrophic thinking

My Dad used to do this massively like he would constantly be worried that something in the house would break, like the washing machine. I told him that's a healthy worry, because you can totally dispel it by keeping a small emergency fund in the bank, and the worry is just encouraging you to be sensible! However he said, well if I keep £250 aside, what if the car breaks down and I need £500. Then if I keep £500 what if it costs £1,000, what if we need a new central heating boiler, or a new roof on the house, or a new house!!! Most people can't keep a spare 500 grand aside "just in case"

It kind of snowballs if that makes sense!?

I kind of do this myself but I focus on something that is really important to me but at the same time super unlikely like "what if I never find a partner because of my ___" which maybe there is a 1% chance, but that 1% spreads like a cancer until all it seems like there is a 100% chance for ONLY that to happen. I need to remind myself that the 99% positive is the important bit

2 different types of catastrophisation but I guess similar??

WelshBlue

Yep ... similar.  And one and the same

To the person catastophising it's massive even if  deep down they know it's irrational.  Also very emotionally draining

Thankfully I've got coping techniques in place to stop myself going too far down the rabbit hole ... but then I worry about the people not lucky enough to have had the help and support I have from the NHS 

I've never worried about myself ... just others.  Maybe deep down I'm still holding onto the I'm not worth it thought.  My Psychologist thinks I'm scared of not having the various traumas that have shaped me in my life.  That's a sobering thought ... they do my head in 

66Mustang

@WelshBlue

I often wonder whether it's better to spend ages challenging the worry, with the attempt to dispel it, however that results in overthinking... the alternative is sparing the effort, not paying the worry any recognition or attention or giving it any value, but then it just festers...?? Both seem to have downsides!!!  

It's kind of interesting how you say you worry about other people because of self worth and stuff. That's a nice way to be and I know people who do that (to their own detriment). I absolutely share the feelings of low or no self worth, even negative self worth (the world would be better off without me) ... but most of my worries are honestly selfish I think

I worry about my future and wanting to be happy ... I don't worry about normal "selfish" things like wanting money or a good job or even good health, although those would be nice obviously, I just want to be "content" if that makes sense and that's the root of all my selfish worries

I guess what I'm trying to say is it seems a bit contradictory in that I think I'm worthless but I obviously think I deserve to be happy??

Thanks for understanding

onedayatatime

Interesting you bring up the aspect of worrying about others because of self worth. I've had experience of what I think is defined as a 'codependent relationship'
The psychology of it all is very interesting. I'd say I am still in the process of trying to break the cycle to find and learn my own self worth without 'worrying' about the other person.

66Mustang

@onedayatatime

Interesting that you bring that up

If I have to be honest, the idea of having someone that I love and want to worry that much about in the first place appeals to me

You make a good point though that the grass isn't always greener though, be careful what you wish for, and all that

onedayatatime

@66Mustang Perhaps there's a line between caring for someone and worrying for someone? My own definition of caring for someone comes from a good place, with best intentions, where as worrying ( or to be made to worry ) can be used to manipulate or control.
To me, personally, there is a kind of difference. Now when you put love into the equation, I think it can get even more complicated!