Struggling with being disabled

N826

hi, I don’t mean to affect anyone negatively by writing this and I’m sorry if it does affect anyone, but I don’t know where else to put this. I am a full time wheelchair user (I can stand but not for long and with help) and I have been one since I was 11 years old (I am now 20). Before I became a full time wheelchair user, I was able to walk but I got an infection so my condition deteriorated. I’ve been like this for years but still I’m struggling so much, I feel so alone when I see able bodied people walking and living their life “normally”. I don’t have any other disabled friends, my ex is a wheelchair user but we’re not on speaking terms as it was a hard break up. I just wanted to know if anyone else feels like this, and if there’s anything I can do to help myself. It’s so bad that I even find myself jealous of able bodied people’s legs and how they can do things I can’t, I end up crying if I think about it too much and I’m so so desperate to just go back to before I started using my wheelchair. When I first felt this, I thought it would go away quick but 9 years later and it still makes me so upset to think about. I really need some advice to help when I feel this way so if anyone has any advice please help

Steve_in_The_City

Lovely lady: Please don't cry, Been there, got the t.shirt, take care of yourself. There are members on the forum who can give better advise than I.

66Mustang

I'm not a wheelchair user but I can TOTALLY relate to feeling jealous of people who are able to do normal things that I did not have the opportunity to do. I used to cry at night before I went to sleep, then wake up the next morning

I always thought that jealousy was a weak and/or negative character trait, but I have only recently learnt that it's OK to admit with myself and others that I was jealous. It's nice in a way to hear someone else share similar feelings

I hope it's OK to say, no real reason and hope it doesn't sound stupid, but I do think the fact that you said you hope you don't affect anyone negatively by what you wrote I think says so much about your character and nature

The advice I would give from my own experience is to focus on what you CAN do and appreciate those things

You already mentioned one thing in your short post that I can't do, not that it's a competition but just in case it makes you feel a little less hopeless

I can do loads of stuff that loads of able bodied/able minded people can't do and try to appreciate those things

I'm sure there are things you do that make you unique and you should embrace those things

Not that that makes things better … would I give up all the things I've had access to that only 1% are able to do, in exchange for access to "normal" life things - absolutely with no hesitation - and I'm sure you would too - but that simple swap isn't on the cards so it's about making the best of what you have and appreciating your unique strengths and, if its not unreasonable of me to say, areas of life where you are in fact lucky

It's not easy at all though but I'm sure you can do it

I hope this makes a little sense

N826

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/865732#Comment_865732

I tend to go out whenever possible such as shopping, concerts, holidays, etc but I always tend to be the only disabled person there which probably does explain why I feel the way I do. I’ve taken your advice and looked for a course or social club but I can’t find anything, even on the local council website. I have had counselling before but the thing is when it’s an able bodied person I don’t like talking about my disability because it kind of feels like I’m putting an extra barrier between us and they also won’t be able to completely understand what I’m talking about. I do like the idea of setting myself a goal each day, I will definitely try that. My family and friends are very supportive of me, but again they are all able bodied people so they don’t fully understand what I’m going through. Thank you for your message :)

N826

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/865765#Comment_865765

Thank you so much for this message this truly means the world to me and it definitely makes me feel less alone. Thank you again and I hope your having/had an amazing day :)

Albus_Scope

Hey @N826 I'm not in a wheelchair yet, but I used to be a very active person and now struggle to walk far, so I can empathise to some degree. There's that weird sense of jealousy toward people with working body parts. Have you looked into Disability Plus they come highly recommended if you need to talk things through?