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Worthlessness and no place in society

66Mustang

For a very long time I’ve struggled with my gender and I have official diagnoses confirming this. After meetings with psychologists over the years I realised that I don’t identify as male but don’t identify as female either…for me it’s a psychological/social issue rather than a more simple physical thing, though

One thing that upsets me is when I hear on the news or radio or elsewhere about how I'm bad or must have “had it easy” based on the assumption that I’m male

I actually don’t disagree that males have had it easier and that lots of males have done bad stuff. However I haven’t, because of the struggles I’ve had with gender since I was young

I feel as though I’ve had the worst of both worlds when it comes to gender. By that I mean I’ve had to suffer the “negative” associations with a given gender, but I didn’t get any of the “positives” that come with that gender (because I didn’t see them as desirable benefits in the first place)

I’m going through struggles at the moment because I think I have self worth issues and have recently had my gender issues dismissed even by someone who works for Scope which I kind of see as authoritative

I’m in need of affirmation that there is a place in society for me as it feels like I'm everyone's enemy, kind of like being mixed-race during the period in America where there was racial segregation and neither "side" wanted them!

Do I need to accept that being born as a male means I am necessarily a bad person, even if I didn’t choose this, and even if I don’t fully identify with the gender?

Am I the intended target of the criticism (disregarding whether or not this criticism is justified) that is collectively applied to males even if I don't identify as male myself?? Or is it not aimed at me because I don't identify with a gender?

I’m honestly interested to read views on this but want to apologise in advance if I don’t respond for a while because it takes me a lot of strength to read the replies. I know that 95% are really supportive and I am grateful but I need to be in the right place to find the strength to risk being knocked back…I’m really sorry if this sounds pathetic or weak

Thanks in advance

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Comments

michael57

you are what you are chap cant change it just because some people cant accept that makes it there problem not yours one of dawnies sons is gay and i love him as much as i love all the others we have hold your head up and just be yourself

Steve_in_The_City

@66Mustang and @Beaver79 66Mustang: What Beaver79 says is right. "Shine outside of the crowd." That is a wondrous statement Beaver79. 66Mustang no-one should dismiss your gender issues, especially a community leader in Scope.

I don't have these issues because I don't understand them. I think of myself as being male and I am happy in that idiom.

WhatThe

Being born male or female isn't a choice. Being born black or white isn't a choice. Unfavourable attitudes and treatment of women and black people haven't diminished..

Writing not reading is hard and slow for me but I'm concerned I've upset you so much. Your posts are fulsome and frank. I'm relatively new on Scope and found my voice here but can't address everything.

Feelings of inadequacy are part and parcel of disability for most of us, for all sorts of reasons. Gender matters greatly to me and I responded to an 'older' woman asking for autism advice because I've had this experience.

At 10, my mum thought I'd been brain-damaged during emergency surgeries a few months earlier. That was her excuse for being horrible to me, many years later. They all were so maybe believed that. Coming out as autistic hasn't changed their behaviour towards me but it has changed my whole perspective of me.

Early autism diagnosis sounds like a different experience and we share here for increased understanding of each other.