Fresh Start

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Wonderman
Wonderman Community member Posts: 14 Listener

Hey all.

So just something that's on my mind.

I've suffered with mental health my whole life. I recently moved and so much has happened in 2 years. Recently I've noticed something else. I have feeling towards things I never had feeling for before.

A bit of a backstory. I was bullied throughout Primary and secondary school.

Recently I had to move and it's the best thing that's ever happened. In the flat I had in quite a big town I lived, I would see these bullies walking on the streets all grown up and coming to me like nothing happened.

Three things bothered me.

1: Was them pretending you didn't make my life hell for 12 years.

2: Walking up to me and talking like we're beer drinking buddies that haven't seen each other in 16 years.

3: Some have become psychologists, teachers and police.

I went so long not feeling anything but sadness and fear. For years I felt no joy for allot of things people found great.

Examples are

"The sun's out"

"Let's go to the beach"

And me going and not feeling anything at all. Me pretending I enjoyed it but felt nothing.

Now that I've moved far away to a town where nobody knows me. I didn't feel it to begin with but now I feel so free. Met so many great people here. I actually feel joy for what feels like the first time. I went out earlier and the sun hit me and I just smiled and took a huge gulp of fresh air and felt great!

So much things I did growing up and felt nothing for like car boot sales, I want to do again because I think I'll enjoy them. I actually look back at the good times when at the time felt nothing and think "That was fun" despite not selling nothing.

I definitely have a long way to go but I feel like things are looking up. 🙂

Comments

  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,986 Championing
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    This sounds so positive for you and I'm glad to read this 😊 thanks for sharing this

    I can relate to being bullied at school and then when the bullies are grown up they act OK. What I think happens is, at school there are a few genuine bullies who pick on you, and everyone else just joins in because they are worried they will get bullied themselves if they don't.

    I'm not saying that makes it OK, it's still cowardly, but I kind of think there were only maybe 3-4 people who hated me and the rest just did it out of necessity if that makes sense

    Thanks for sharing your positive thread though 😁

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 5,709 Championing
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    That's great news. I know that numb feeling very well, it happened to me for many years. Now I've moved and life seems like it's really worth exploring again. I'd say do things little and often, build up to stuff. But I am SO glad to hear things are on the up for you, that's fantastic news. ❤️

    Albus (he/him)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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