Struggling to support disabled partner

albor
albor Online Community Member Posts: 1 Listener
in Relationships

I’m struggling to cope with my partner’s disability and I don’t know what to do. I’m disabled and struggle with my mental health but my partner has higher support needs than me, but her disabilities & mental illnesses are quite unpredictable so she doesn’t have a carer bc it’s hard to know when she would need one. We’ve been living together for a few months and I just feel like I can’t cope with the amount & unpredictability of support she needs. I feel like I need someone taking care of me, and she does her best but realistically neither of us are able to offer the other one the full amount of support they need. I want her in my life but equally I don’t know if this relationship style is what’s best for me long term. I don’t know what to do and I feel like a terrible person. I don’t know how to talk to her about it bc it will upset her, and a lot of the time when I tell her I’m upset she then gets upset with me so I feel like I can’t talk about my feelings

Comments

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 1,649 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Morning @albor.

    This sounds like such a difficult situation to be in. You need to be kind to yourself. You also have needs and you should never feel like a terrible person for struggling to cope. The fact that you look after her when you have your own struggles is admirable. Think about what you need, it's not a selfish thing to do 😊

  • JoannaJoanna
    JoannaJoanna Online Community Member Posts: 11 Listener

    This is tough. I was once told to read a book called Stepchildren of the Shtetl, where two disabled people in a religious community who were considered a burden on the rest of society were grouped together and forced to marry each other. - - - I never read the book but my first thoughts were, although it may seem logical that two disabled people would be compatible with each other because of shared struggles and this in common, the issue of care and support needs not being fulfilled in the relationship was what I would think. Both are going to struggle and feel frustrated trying to get their needs met. That's what I would have thought and my personal experience. But maybe better than being alone anyways…

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