For context I’m 20 years old. I have a genetic disease which tends to get worse in adolescence and early 20’s (mito) although I’ve had mild symptoms all my life. I also have L2 autism which I have had all my life but as it is, development usually stops around age 12. (Although my intelligence and language abilities are good 😁)
Now I’m on a feeding tube, can barely get out and about etc. that’s fine.
What’s hurting the most for me at the moment ( emotionally ) is the realisation that I’ve lost my Hero and Best friend: My Dad
He used to take me swimming every weekend and we would spend time together.
He would take me to athletics competitions to compete. He was so enthusiastic and even signed up to be an official for England athletics so we could enjoy the whole day at competitions.
He took me to lots of museums and sparked an interest in science in me. I would ask him countless questions and he would spend ages answering and teaching me about the world. How encouraged creativity and curiosity.
As I said He was my hero and best friend.
That was until I was around 14ish when I became too unwell to ignore.I had lots of hospital admissions and we grew further and further apart.
I can’t be in a room with him for more than 5 mins without him being annoyed with me. I know it’s because he is stressed. He bares some kind of resentment towards me and my illness.
He doesn’t do too well with family life and left my mum. He still is very involved with me and my siblings. He just seems distant.
I know it’s selfish but I just want my Dad back. I want the super smart superhero that makes me feel safe. I want the man who I would run to when I felt unwell. (Minus the throwing up on him)
I just want a hug from my Dad
I cook for him and buy him presents and talk about his interests, nothing works. He seems to get on great with my other sisters.
I know this is dumb. It’s just been keeping me up all night.
