Hi, I've felt so lonely and hopeless lately and I wished I lived with someone or had someone to talk to. I spend my days at home just doing nothing and feel so useless to society. Even though I was disabled and having issues, I always fought to have a job and feel like a contributing member of society, normal and social but I found it really can make you worse and the hiding and faking comes crashing down.
I have all my benefits in place and I should be grateful. I am grateful but I feel worthless and like my life has no meaning because not married and don't have children. I want to be involved in groups or family or something like this but I find my church is quite stiff and not a suitable place to be yourself, tell people the truth, etc as it can lead to shunning and silent shaming. . . being the burden, undue scrutiny and bullying where people just pry until you've been successfully humiliated and then they back off and feel satisfied.
My mom is coming next month and she plans to take me traveling but other than that I feel like a blob who is just sitting here with no purpose.