So I have just managed after nagging and nagging at my GP practice to see my medical records. I now finally get to find out what they have been writing down about me. And I am disgusted to be honest I am feeling extremely angry but also I feel like crying. I am so low at the minute anyway and reading them has just made me feel even worse and hopeless. Part of my medical records I found out earlier this year had been lost years ago my GP told me this she said oh when we was moving buildings we lost a lot of medical records. I said to her don't you think people should of been informed of this because some people have not got a clue. Anyway she just shrugged her shoulders and said well to be honest we tend to get rid of a lot of medical records anyway because if we kept everyone's records up untill they die we would be swamped. I told her I thought this was wrong because I have been registered here from birth. And according to their records that they have left I only started to exist from age 18. So nothing before that if I was born with a problem well tough because they not got it on record. Anyways I have now read through what is left of my records and I couldn't believe what I was reading and this is from all different GPS mainly locum doctors. So I suffer with very severe depression and I take anti depressants for this. I have over the years taken all different ones and some work and some don't. The ones I am taking now have worked best for me and I have been on them a long time. So one of the GPS I seen a handful of times before she disappeared into thin air and moved on. She said apparently I am depressed but in her opinion I am possibly just having a bad day. She goes on to say my problem is down to the fact I refuse to open up and she can't understand what exactly is wrong with me but in her opinion I am a victim and I always will be because I have a victim like personality and not much can be done to help me. She fails to mention I was actually going through a bereavement at the time and it was very raw. Another GP I seen said this patient says she doesn't feel like her anti depressants are working I think maybe she wants us to do magic tricks. How dare he say that I was in tears and suicidal at the time I just wanted someone to listen. They are just two examples which I think are very unprofessional I feel like they are trying to minimise my problems they didn't know the first thing about me and I remember I felt at the time like they didn't even try. And don't get me wrong I have seen some decent GPS over the years and what they wrote is completely different. I don't know if I am overreacting I just felt angry and sad that a few GPS I have seen seem to have just written me off and been very dismissive. The ones that think they are too good to even speak to me because I'm just a mere peasant to them. Some GPS are willing to learn about mental health but a good few I've met seem to deny depression is a real thing. I will be putting I a complaint I just needed to vent.
