Help with my 19 year old struggling with mental health

willowtree1970

Hi, Ime new on here! Ime a mum of a 19 year old, who is struggling so much with mental health.

She and her sister was 5 and 8 when their dad suddenly passed away, my 19 year old has struggled so Dr’s always said it was grief, but now she is on the waiting list to be diagnosed as ADHD, a 5 year waiting list, I’ve offer to pay private but NHS has said they won’t except that diagnosis.
She can’t hold a job down as she gets so overwhelmed, I’ve tried the hard love tactic and I just made things worse, some says I have to remind her to shower, she puts herself in dangerous situations, I constantly worry.
When there dad passed away I had to go full time at work and doing all these hours plus trying to look after her and her 16 year old sister is starting to get to much, we don’t have family to help.
cam anyone advice me where I turn next for help? For advice I would benefit just working 4 days just for a short term but worried about not being able to make ends meet. I am a very proud person and don’t really like asking for help, but Ime mentally and physically shattered. GPS just don’t help anymore.
sorry for such a

Long post x

Jimm_Alumni

Hello @willowtree1970! Welcome to the community 😊 I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2022 and I know just how hard it is.

Can I ask, who in the NHS informed you they wouldn't accept a private diagnosis? There have been some concerns around a few private clinics, but considering the NHS also uses many private clinics through Right To Choose, find it very suspect that someone has told you they will not accept a diagnosis by a private clinic.

In fact, my diagnosis was private, as my area had a 4 year waiting list and we came into just enough funds to pay for it. There was some concern that my GP might reject a shared care deal, but it actually went very well. Since I was on the waitlist for the NHS diagnosis still with the local Autism & ADHD clinic I sent them the private assessment report and they replied back that they had reviewed it and were happy with the quality. So accepted it.

Now, me and my partner did do a lot of research before picking a clinic. As I mentioned before, there are clinics out there that are not very good and are trying to just make money off the extremely long waitlists people are finding themselves in.

Is it your GP or someone at the clinic your daughter has been referred to who say they won't accept a private assessment?

Going back to how your daughter is doing. I really empathise with her, I really do. Before my diagnosis and treatment I struggled to hold a job down for more than 6 months. I do want to mention that people with ADHD often also have something called Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. While most people don't like rejection, people with Rejection Sensitivity Disorder are particularly impacted and devastated by even the slightest thoughts that someone thinks less of them, or is unhappy at them for whatever reason. Reassurance and gentle pushing is key. What may be better is, instead of trying to reminder her yourself, is trying to help her build tools or other things to help give her reminders. One of my biggest struggles with ADHD has certainly been planning ahead. When it came to building my schedule system and organiser I needed to get help from my partner to do it. However, once it was in place I was better at remembering those tasks. Even the simple ones like showering, eating etc.

About getting help around the house, have you considered checking in with the Local Authority about any help they could offer?