Feeling like a failure and a burden

ChronicOracle

hey.. sorry in advance for being a bummer..

waiting for a head mri to look for MS/brain lesions… autistic+adhd, hypermobile (suspected eds), suspected POTS… seizures,headaches, vision problems, tingling, numbness, dizziness, weakness… tons more symptoms… dreading the mri because im afraid to find out whats going on, but much more so at this point im afraid to be told everything looks fine… i cant fight an enemy when i dont know what it is…

Truly struggling lately… physically of course but so much emotionally and mentally too… the feelings of being a burden, the guilt… being unable to earn an income, especially these days with how insane the costs of rent, groceries, etc is… i cant even afford to get my meds… how am i possibly supposed to do any better in a world that sets us up for failure? There is no support or resources unless you meet criteria and jump through hoops… im just so tired… i feel like such a failure… my daughter deserves so much more than im capable of giving…

SaraC_Scope

Hi @ChronicOracle

Welcome to the community. It sounds like you're coping with a lot of uncertainty and this can take an emotional toil on you as a whole. I understand that feeling of what the outcome of a procedure might mean for you, especially if the MRI is clear. As hard as it might be to receive a diagnosis, sometimes it's even harder to not get one.

Do you have family or friends that can offer some support? I'm wondering if you receive PIP.

Disability Plus Counselling might be able to offer specialist support. You can make a referral following the link.

With regard to your medication, could you get an exemption certificate to help with this. Disability Rights

Being a parent is hard work and when you have disabilities, it can be more challenging at times, but you are doing your very best for your daughter.

Take care

Sara

Rosie_Scope

No need to apologise @ChronicOracle, it's always good to get it all off your chest and that's what we're here for.

I've definitely felt similar feelings of being a burden and not being able to contribute before. It's really not easy to deal with them sometimes. But for all the things that you might be less able to do, there'll be tons of other stuff that you are brilliant at. It can be hard to recognise those things if you're already feeling down, but they're there.

The great thing about the community is that there's always someone who's been through similar feelings or experiences before, so you're not alone in how you're feeling right now. I hope we can all offer you some support and a place to vent about things if you need to.

I've sent you an email, so please look out for that today 😊

StodgySquare

I'm so sorry you're feeling this. I'm familiar with constant guilt and failure and it's awful.

Your anxiety towards your scan results is understandable and I really hope you have sources of support regardless of the result.

You sound like a caring and hard-working mum and I agree with everyone else and hope you believe me when I say you're doing your absolute best for your daughter.

I wish you peace and self-compassion. ❤

Albus_Scope

Heya @ChronicOracle I just wanted to drop in and show some love too.

Rachel_Scope

Hi @ChronicOracle. My Mum has MS and she was diagnosed when I was 10. I'm not sure how old your daughter is but I can tell you that I have never thought anything negative about my mum needing to rest. I just wanted her to feel better. I completely understand the guilt as I'm unable to do a lot of active things with my son but I know that he doesn't resent me for it. Your daughter will be the same, I promise you ❤️

When is your MRI? I hope it gives you some answers, and whatever answers they are, you know you can come here for support 😊