Housing association won't move us even despite the impact on my son, any advice?

Bluealways

Sandy_123

Hi @Bluealways welcome

Bluealways

hi my sons health is deteriorating due to psychological triggers from where we have recently moved too. He has autism, adhd, pathalogical shyness, social anxiety, verbal and oral dyspraxia, aggression and now psychological trauma. Yet the housing association look after the violent drunk tenants under mental health which is making my sons health deteriorate. They have also said to mental health they won’t move us and basically the other people are victims of their illnesses. How can we be discriminated against and not supported. My son is suicidal and nobody cares. Even mental health said he can’t get therapies whilst here in trauma. I’m literally at the end of my tether. I’m well educated but I’m so upset because my job is to look after my son and their lack of care is surely a breach of care. Yet because I know the law they refer me to mental health. Wow. Literally insanity that these people get to do whatever they want and my son suffers. I am physically disabled and cannot cope

chiarieds

Hi @Bluealways - welcome to the community & I'm so sorry about what you & your son are going through.

You mention that you know the law, so hope you'll forgive me if I'm saying the wrong thing, or something you already realise. If the housing association are so unsupportive, have you considered involving your community police? I know it's not always a quick & easy answer, but they can, & do help, & I can only say personally that they were, & are, enormously supportive (myself & some of my neighbours suffered anti-social behaviour from one of our neighbours who has a drink problem, & the police took her to court). What helped in the end was not only our testimony but video camera footage. Have you considered installing some external security cameras?

Do you have a local Neighbourhood Watch, you can check here?

https://www.ourwatch.org.uk/

That doesn't necessarily help you in the short term, as you need immediate help for your son, but involve your GP to let them know about the fact your son is so severely affected that he's feeling suicidal. If you think he's unsafe at any time, please ring 999.

Rosie_Scope

Hi @Bluealways, welcome to the community. What you're going through sounds incredibly stressful.

I've sent you an email today so please look out for that, and I'll put your post into our housing section where people with similar experiences might be able to find it. Chiarieds' idea about contacting the police might be worth a try, is this something you've done before?

Sometimes it can help to have records of contact with the police to use as evidence if the housing association aren't taking you seriously. I'm really sorry it's having such an impact on you and your son and that you're not feeling listened to.

I hope the community can be a place of support for you and that you find a solution soon.

luvpink

@Bluealways

Have you tried enlisting the support of your M.P?

Unfortunately I have found through past experience that housing associations and the police were a complete waste of time when I had problems with an anti social neighbour who abused alcohol and had apparent mental health issues.

She made my life a misery and despite me supplying photographic, video and voice recording evidence they said it wasn't enough to either evict her or to move me.

In the end I managed to bid successfully on another property.

Bluealways

hi all Thankyou to everyone for your support and advice it is really appreciated. I have tried housing who have now referred me to mental health not because I have issues but because they aren’t listening. They did this behind my back. I am at a loss as to how 2 supposed tenants can claim mental health be drunks and yet protected by law over my son who is meant to be protected by law. The police are a waste of time. I have cameras. So do they now. They aren’t mentally insane they are just trying to be clever but in doing so the impact is massive. I am physically disabled and my son doesn’t understand why nobody is listening. Mental health are saying they can’t support his mental health whilst he is still in trauma and yet mental health say their actions the tenants behaviour is due to their medical conditions. Errr nope they choose to be drunk and aggressive and intimidating. I think my son has held down all his needs for so long and we have never reached out for support in 20 years yet he is now raging which I have to deal with. I mean it’s not enough that I’ve had 40 spinal surgeries, 3 heart attacks, cancer twice. Struggle to walk and now have tumours on my kidneys. As long as these drunks. And surely digging to try and find stuff on me and there isn’t any mentally is the housing association covering themselves. Don’t I legally have a duty to know what’s written about me. I have thrown all the safeguarding and autism laws and discrimination against them. But to no avail. I was actually told by housing to remove my camera. I haven’t and won’t. She said well if anything else happens keep a diary. Ok so the implications of having a beautiful son like mine is being triggered at the concept it could happen. And her door is next to mine. Yet her needs and the one below us can do what they want. So if they are abusive they claim mental health. It is something out of a Disney movie a dark one. So anything I do even if I flush the toilet they make a complaint. I can’t win at all. Housing told mental health they will not move us the risk isn’t high. Well hang on they aren’t living it and don’t have to watch there son being distressed all the time. He is like a firework about to explode. And with new diagnosis of psychological trauma. Oh we can’t help u whilst ur living there but we spoke to housing and they won’t move you. I mean what’s the point in having laws if they are breached. I am totally in despair. I’ve had to fight for support for my son all my life regardless of me health my son comes first. But nobody cares oh we will just refer him to a talking adhd service to a young man who can’t talk and won’t talk to a stranger in an environment which he is triggered by with lights, sounds and strangers. I mean u actually couldn’t make it up. And he is enraged that they made a referral to mental health to his mum who has seen me legally fight all his life. Mental health said I’m not mental. Well clearly I’m not. But on what grounds can they do that as I haven’t done anything other than email then. Then they want to send men to the house to check a fire door. Ok so that triggers my son and being above a smoking drunk who is a fire risk they don’t care. I mean I don’t want and never did want social housing and I lived in London for 52 years now I’m in Shropshire it’s like oh we can discuss your needs and do nothing. No surely not. And the same housing manager handed me the keys to the property surely there is a breach of duty of care. I mean u can hear I’m at the end of my tether. My job is to protect my son. How when nobody is protecting us. My last hope is my life story is in a book before all this extra trauma but I’m guessing as housing and the police are not listening. What’s the point. When your son tells u the statistics of young men who commit suicide and housing don’t care it says it all really. Oh well it isn’t their problem. But it is. 🙏🏼 Thankyou for all ur advice. They are very clever hiding from the camera although I did collect some good footage yesterday but it’s a breach to share it with housing which they asked for. They know it’s illegal so I said no. It seems no matter what these people do I’m at the wrong end of the law. Yet we are not druggies or drinks and don’t have criminal records. I’ve never in 54 years had an argument even. I am absolutely at the end of my tether now.

Bluealways

sorry and forgot to say the next door neighbour beat her boyfriend up so badly who lived next door they moved him. Yet they lie about that. I mean in the first instance she is volatile and dangerous yet she does what she wants. I mean they knew all of this before we moved in. I would never of taken a property thinking my son would deteriorate even more. And then they get a duty social worker to call on an unknown number. Knowing my son can’t talk on the phone. And he had no records or any information on my son. I said well what are u calling me if u have no information. We aren’t tick boxes. We are human beings who are asking for help. He has done nothing. The mental health so called referral for me which is unfounded was a letter sent to me yep unsigned and no name saying Naomi at housing has made a referral. On what grounds. I have refused access to my records but I thought to discuss someone let alone my son they have to have a SARS form which randomly I did received and I didn’t complete it because I couldn’t understand what it was needed for. So they refuse to help at all. I mean if a grown woman can beat a man up and then live costly in her flat pleasing mental health when she is a drunk so any meds wouldn’t be working. And my son has to take now on top of other medications since moving here sleeping pills because they bang every hour on the hour. Then why should my sons life be ruined by others. If they want to ruin their lives they shouldn’t be housed around people like us. There are also some very frail and terminally ill people in this building where is the duty of care to them. But nobody says a word. They don’t complain they let one of these tenants force themselves into their home and urinate and defacste over their sofa and don’t report it. Yet I as a 15 stone disabled woman couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to push my way into a doorway. I mean that’s harassment but nobody does a thing so it seems everyone knew what trouble we were moving into and kept quiet. That’s not humane and certainly not how I would ever treat anyone. It shocks me to the core. We are just sitting ducks in a system for my son that doesn’t work. Forget me. We have no friends and no family support. And he can’t go out the door. And isn’t safe at home. It is just insanity that housing say oh we can’t move you, sorry to hear that. Literally without sounding rude they do their jobs with no idea of how distressed we are and they clock on and off. Yet this is my sons life. Sorry I am so upset and mental health can’t help. So we have to tick all their boxes and yet we get nothing. So a woman who attacks a man gets it all. I’m a survivor of domestic violence also but nothing holds any weight at all it seems. Like nothing. So what happens next? What time I have left with my son I have been told to keep diary sheets. Errr no they breached duty of care and continue to do so. The law states if you are “likely” to be harassed they have to act. Yet they just ignore my emails. I need someone to legally be an advocate for my son now as I don’t have any strength left. Please can somebody help. I have thousands in the bank and happily move to a private rental to keep my son alive but I can’t find anywhere. Yet all housing say is oh well ur not well enough are u. So I’ve told them to put it all in writing as phone calls are not evidence of neglect but I never thought at 54 after all we have been through that we would come up against a system that is so shocking. I mean if we were x criminals or druggies we would be heard. And I’m not being judgemental at all. But it seems they can do what they want. Why are they protected over us. Equality discrimination is a law. Disability discrimination is a law. I give up.

Rosie_Scope

That sounds so stressful @Bluealways, I can really get a sense of how incredibly frustrated you are with the situation and how protective you are of your son. I'm so sorry that the situation has got to this level and you're both feeling the consequences of it so intensely.

Which organisations have you already had contact with about the situation? Is it just the police and housing association who are involved at the moment, or have you contacted anyone else about it?

Perhaps there's a local housing advisor who might be able to help. It must be exhausting to go through on your own, so hopefully there's someone nearby who can help fight your corner. You could try looking on Advicelocal for any organisations in your area.

As others have said, this does sound like something that is worth escalating to your MP too.

I really hope you're able to find a way forward so you and your son can feel safe again.

chiarieds

It's dreadful what you're both going through @Bluealways - altho I would say that alcoholism can be a disorder, & that some will have mental health issues, any aggression should not be countenanced, & being an alcoholic is no excuse; everyone needs to be treated equally & behave lawfully.

I know with the neighbour I mentioned, whenever complaints were made to the police about her, initially she would make a similar counter complaint, so at first we got nowhere. She wrote a totally vile accusatory & threatening letter to other neighbours, but they felt too intimidated to bring this to the attention of the police, & this is likely what's happened with some of your other neighbours; they're feeling intimidated.

I would still keep on trying to report any incidents to the police, as it becomes difficult for them to keep on ignoring them. I rang the police some months ago now, before this woman appeared in court, saying I didn't know whether to report an incident or not. After listening to me, the policeman said well I'm taking the decision to report it. I then had another policeman ring me the following week (which the first one had informed me would happen), asking me to recount the incident for him, & checking up that I was alright, & did I need any further support. Accumulating evidence I also hope will help you, & get you the support you need.

We now have a policeman patrolling where I live every day at different times, & when she became problematic again, which involved my neighbour who reported incidences, the police posted a letter about not tolerating anti-social behaviour to all of our community, & how to report it. Change can happen slowly, but it can happen.

For now, the only other practical support I'd suggest is contacting Victim Support, which was mentioned to me by the 2nd policeman to be there if I needed it. You don't even have to report a crime to the police to get their help:

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Bluealways

thanks for your comment however as I am told by the mental health services that my sons needs are not protected and no I actually don’t agree. Whether alcoholism is a choice or not. Ur not aware of what trauma we have seen. The point to all of this is I should have been made aware. So if I become an alcoholic because of the trauma I live that’s ok then. I’ve had 54 years of trauma I don’t hide from it with an addiction I expect a system to treat us all fairly. I was clearly told by mental health that they are protected more than us. Let me just add regardless of my sons needs I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 11. So there you go we have to be politically correct with those who can’t handle trauma and for those of us who have never acted on it become the victims of a corrupt system. Exactly my point. Just because I don’t choose to let anyone know my trauma it isn’t anyone’s business if it doesn’t affect anyone else. When someone’s behaviour stops your home being your home and the law clearly states you should be scared in your home. Well then what am I supposed to do. With respect I’m not going to write on a public forum everything we have and continue to go through. And yes I was brought up by an alcoholic so I know the ins and outs. My point being that they are unpredictable and volatile.
it may be an illness but for some it’s a choice. I wouldn’t put my trauma on anyone it’s not how I behave. So if someone is acting like that drunk or not then the system is failing everybody isn’t it really. Care in the community well where is my sons care.

Bluealways

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/918717#Comment_918717

I really am bemused are you sure you don’t work for the system. Because no a duty social worker should have the file in the first instance. And whether u find it helpful or not u have no idea what I’ve been through. I don’t choose to destroy other peoples lives. So I don’t appreciate your comment at all. Some people cause their own drama and they haven’t been traumatised. And she has clearly told me she hasn’t. She chooses to be a fighter. I choose to be a nice person and I wouldn’t be giving someone like me advice if u don’t know my trauma. So here we are again sticking up for an alcoholic. Wow well my life story is in a book and I can guarantee you wouldn’t sleep reading it. Just because we don’t choose to use our trauma as an excuse for behaviours makes us good people who are strong. Your message is quite frankly offensive as you have no idea the fight I have had to have and continue to have. I won’t be reading anymore of your replies because it’s just plain ignorance to assume that my sons needs are the only trauma we have seen and I don’t have empathy for people who choose to become a product of our past. U learn from that how to behave if your educated enough. I reached out for support not criticism so I will just use my celebrity network and my masters in politics and not be asking for help on a mental health forum as your message has just come from a place that I refuse to go. And no I worked with social workers and they are meant to do their job. I worked for a system that was corrupt then. So it’s nice that u think that is the reason they withhold their number. But that’s not the case. Answer me this then why can a letter come from mental health without a name or a signature and mental health have no record of that. Or social services or everyone else i have had the misfortune of having to deal with. I mean honestly I don’t even have the time to explain how many so called professionals are not professionals but then give someone a title and a badge and they are important right and have all the answers. Wrong.

Bluealways

oh and Vikki people don’t want sympathy that’s not it. Its empathy. So your first sentence says it all really.

chiarieds

I can't understand anyone, least of all any mental health service, saying that your son's needs aren't protected; they certainly are. As I was trying to say, in the eyes of the law, we're all equal; no-one is above it, & yes, so far your son & yourself are being failed.

Please, you don't have to say anything on the forum that you don't wish, but we're here for you whenever you want.

Please look here on the Victim Support's website, as well as looking around the rest of their site:

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/hate-crime/