All new to pip - worried about triggering emotions

Jane315STARX

Next week I'm having a telephone Pip assessment.I had Dla back in 2017 and was too terrified to apply for pip again after once being refused.This letter says to tell them how my illness/s impact me.Im concerned that by the end of the phone call the conversation will trigger emotions that I've been fighting off for years and I will lose a sense of reality.There is nobody that can be with me during this call and in my mind I'm weighing up the pros and cons in actually going ahead with it.I know that I'm now in a situation where this money will be desperately helpful in every day life.But after the call I'm unsure what this assessor might do in terms of me or my child who obviously will always come first.I cannot lose my mind as he is completely dependent on me.Do I go ahead with this assessment?

Albus_Scope

Heya @Jane315STARX and welcome to the community.

This is a tricky one, I'm sorry. If you want to explain your situation and not wanting to discuss certain things, you could always do so at the start of the assessment? Or ask for certain subjects not to be raised if at all possible?

Jane315STARX

I've just been going over and over it in my mind and I think ultimately there is no feasible way of avoiding all subjects without touching upon something that will trigger me.Its highly unfair on the assessor and if I was that person I would find difficult to get answers to conclude that I deserve Pip.I know that I'm telling the truth it's just how I get it across in a way that doesn't affect my mental health and is also fair to the person carrying out the assessment.Thankyou for your reply.I appreciate this suggestion as it does give me some optimism

Rachel_Scope

Hi @Jane315STARX. I'm so sorry that it's causing you so much worry. Albus' suggestion is great and I hope that will help you. Do you have any mental health support currently that can help you with these feelings?

Jane315STARX

Hi Rachel thankyou for your reply.No I don't have any support and no family at all.I am considering talking therapy but it's a bit of a contentious issue as I without going into my long and very complex history of mental health illness.I did used to have a psychiatrist many years ago whom was a great help and a psychologist but I developed what they call transference to the psychologist ( it's all very complicated).She didn't turn out to know me very well and deemed me as "damaged".My psychiatrist on the other hand was extremely defensive of my character and really did know me for who I am.It terrified me of putting my trust in anyone else ever again and ultimately over the years I've seen others being used and abused in relationships over the years ( not in the same capacity).So I'm scared to put myself in the position of getting the help I need for many reasons.But common sense is now telling me that all my issues are now having an effect on my child and it's a case of having to do something

Rachel_Scope

I can understand your concerns about getting help. If these things occurred many years ago, maybe this time it could be different? I've had therapy on and off for years and have, over time, been able to address some of my more triggering issues. Do you feel you could try some form of therapy and see how it goes?

Jane315STARX

I think I may have to.Its so kind of you to reply again.Thankyou.

Rachel_Scope

It's what we're here for 😊 See how you go and if you're not ready yet you can stop, or try a different type of therapy. You know what's best for you. Please keep us updated on what you decide to do. I really hope it all works out for you.

Jane315STARX

Yes.I will get pip assessment out of the way first (.if I can) Then go from there

Rachel_Scope

Sounds like a good plan 😊 We're always here to support you.

Jane315STARX

Thank you