Dealing with unemployment, nasty comments

Kaliwax

I've been unemployed for 18 months now, and I am embarrassed and I ashamed of it. I am disabled with autism and dyspraxia. I have also suffer from anxiety and depression.

I used to volunteer at my local library one day a week, assisting the elderly with the computers. I also used to volunteer in the past at a charity shop, but gave that up to stress. I gave the library up also to burnout, and stress, and serious mental health issues.

I used to work as an IT apprentice and got made redundant a few years back, through no fault of my own, was down to not renewing the contract. I got the highest grade out of my entire group with a Distinction*. I had to deal with grief, stress, depression, anxiety and covid throughout my apprenticeship. But I have lost all of my confidence now when I lost my job.

It the people online saying things like all people on benefits are lazy and stupid, they are idiots, and they should starve and do without. I receive universal credit and PIP. IPES employment program was horrible, the key workers kept changing and one of them had a go at me when I was struggling.

I feel like a failure because of these online comments, I am embarrassed to be walking my local community, I have no confidence at the moment, these comments are nasty and awful, I want to go back to work, I am scared of getting and terrified of going back into the workplace, because of past experiences and discrimination I have had due to my disability. it's also a case of finding the right job for me, as i can't be thrown into any job due to my limitations. I am trying my best, but I keep breaking down in tears and getting severly depressed. I am taking medication and getting counselling and trying to find help with myself. But I just get frustrated, I don't trust many people because of bad experiences in the past and these awful comments about benefits and disabled people make me a whole lot worse

Am I in the wrong? Am I a crybaby? Am I lazy, because i am not in work.. Please don't judge. It's difficult for me.

Tesslynne

Let me get the ball rolling here. It's a lousy time to be job hunting and yes it can be harder for us as we have these other barriers. I'm saying that not to discourage you, but to remind you no it's NOT that you're lazy. Well done for the volunteering with the library and charity shop. Well done also for getting "..highest grade out of my entire group with a Distinction*." Sorry to hear you had to deal with grief, stress, depression, anxiety and covid throughout your apprenticeship. And that you have lost all your confidence now when you lost your job. I don't think ANYONE should have to starve. I DO think they are idiotic comments though, and it's so ignorant because there are many of us who DO need that extra time to find the right fit because we can't be thrown into just any job because of our limitations. Yep I can relate to that. There ARE some jobs I would do if I physically could but there's a lot of them I can't because of my own limitations. It's good you're taking medication and getting counselling. The comments about benefits infuriate me. Some don't try but some people DO try to find work but even for people who DON'T have a condition/s like we do it is a difficult time right now to find jobs. Not saying we can't but that it may not be as quick as we would like and we have these extra barriers. But yes at the right job? They will be LUCKY to have us!

Am I in the wrong?

Only if you believe the lies about laziness. I think you sound like a great person with a lot to offer the right job!

Am I a crybaby?

Crying can be healthy. It's good you're getting help with your depression. Do try your best to avoid such comments, I know we can't always. I'm having to try to avoid them too or even ones about people applying for lots of jobs! Do try to remind yourself all you have to offer a job. If you like to do so, maybe write or type or voice note the reasons you make a good employee. And what you offer. You can teach skills. You have great IT skills. And I'm sure there's more about you that ROCKS that I don't know yet! Remind yourself of it.

Am I lazy, because i am not in work..

No freaking way! You are NOT lazy you are trying to heal and to find the right kind of job for you. After dealing with a lot past and present.

Please don't judge.

No judgement here. It sounds like you're doing the best you can and I hope you find a lovely job that's right for you.

It's difficult for me.

I can tell it's being difficult for you and I wish you so much luck in finding the right job and more understanding people!

CocoChanel

@Kaliwax, I totally feel the same as you however don't ever explain or apologise for circumstances which are beyond your own ability. With disabilities it's hard enough to do everyday tasks so do not feel ashamed. I too had worked from the age of 15 up until last September when I too got made redundant. However early last year when I was still I work I faced a few health difficulties which now have stopped me being able to work. I understand that mentally it's hard to adjust so please don't be tough on yourself. You are not alone ❤️

I've learned people will have opinions weather we do good or bad. The only opinion which will matter is your own. & quite Frankley your health and sanity is worth more than a few £££. I've been looking for local groups to help discuss such topics as you have raised maybe for yourself this will help you too?? However we are always here online to help and support you also.

Everyday is different and everyday there are new obstacles but just remember you give it your best everyday In what your abilities let you that is enough. You are enough ❤️ sending love and support. X

GalDriver

Oh Kaliwax. You, my love, are working so hard to get on. I want to embrace you in a HUGE, squishy (I'm a well-padded lass) hug <HUGGGGGGGLLLLE> and tell those who try to damage you to **** off! Grrrr!

You deserve better. Do your best to ignore those nasty comments. They are made by nasty-thinking scum who try to knock others down to make themselves feel important. They're pathetic and you're so much better than that.

I agree with everything Tesslyne said.

You are amazing. So many positives. I hope you can start believing that. Nobody worthwhile will try to pull you down. Live bold and be kind to yourself. ❤️

quinceorange24

Hi everyone hope all of you are alright.

You shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed of anything and no-one should ever make you feel like that.

SAW.

michael57

fella the more you talk on here the more your confidence will grow and hopefully people will see and accept you for who you are in the big wide world you are unique to yourself same as everyone else

colejames

Hi Kaliwax,

Everything said before is right but I also realise that we all get hurt by those barbs and they do knock you down and undermine confidence. I have different mental health issues than you but my confidence is always low and I'm recovering from a really bad time at the moment. I have been lucky as I have some really good friends who didn't give up on me, possibly because I've helped them through bad times as well.

I also know that without that confidence it is hard for you to know what is the best way forward and our mental health system doesn't help that way. I know you no longer volunteer at the Library but do you have any colleagues or friends who are still there? Libraries can be great resources for finding support groups or even just social groups. As was mentioned you have great IT skills and can show people how to use a computer. I was wondering if there are any U3A groups where you live, they may be too old for you to be a member but they might appreciate someone who can work with members when you are able to do so.

Have you any hobbies which you enjoy or anything which interests you academically as there are some great online courses and YouTube can also be a very useful tool. The reason why I am saying all of this is because they can be very good ways of building your confidence. That can also help build a social network/found family who can share and support each other. Social Prescribing may be able to help with that as well.

Don't be hard on yourself. You are not the problem, they are. Some may be just nasty but there will probably be a lot who do it because they are following peers or online information/media. Whichever they are, you and your self-confidence are the important thing.

Live life the way that is best for you.

Kaliwax

Thanks for your nice and supportive comments.

You know what can be hurtful, is some of these horrible comments come from disabled people themselves.

Each person is unique, with their own abilities, and own talents, what might work for one person won't work for another.

peggle123

Hi Kaliwax,

I completely understand how you may be feeling. You are trying to contribute. Do what you feel comfortable with .
I am autistic and I did work in healthcare as a nurse, every day was overwhelming and anxiety inducing. I stuck at it too long and it made me extremely mentally unwell . I haven’t now worked for 2 years and I now only leave my home to take my dog on walks away from other people . I too worried about what other people would say if I went on benefits , I would have been in a better place mentally now if I had gone on benefits sooner . I am on benefits now at the age of 56 and I don’t know if I will ever work again . I have therapy and tried all the meds but I’m too sensitive to medication so can no longer take it .
Other people don’t know you and your struggles and most people don’t understand how life can be so much more difficult for autistic people .
You are not lazy , lazy people don’t try and don’t make any effort to contribute.
Try to find things that you enjoy doing and do them and when you start to feel better you can reassess whether or not you can manage any work .
It might be worth trying to find support groups that are set up for autistic people , if there aren’t any local to you , there are some on Facebook , it will help you to see that you are not alone in your struggles.
Take care 🙂

Kaliwax

Thanks for your kind comments,

Thanks for sharing your experiences as well.

Welli

Hi just wanted to say that it is hard for the best of people to obtain work at this most stressful time that this country is in as a whole. Just don't feel that you are useless because you are not and should be proud of what you have already achieved.

I see that someone has already mentioned hobbies. Taking up a hobby is threefold. Firstly you get out, secondly you are able to make friends and thirdly having a hobby could lead you to volunteering or obtaining a job, whether that be volunteering, part time/full time paid work.

Life can feel like the end of the world and I get that, I really do but put your best foot forward and a smile on your face and conquer the world :) as you have already shown how strong you are by sending your post :).

Take care.

Kaliwax

Thanks for your kind comments

Pickle72

Hello I just wanted to add that I’ve been fortunate enough to work from the age of 15 to 50 and then my body had other plans for me. I was dismissed from my job that I had enjoyed for over 20 years. It was a loss and you do sort of grieve for the person you once were. Am I lazy, definitely not. I’m having to cope with physical and mental challenges that exhaust me more than my long days at work.

Anyone who thinks being unwell is an easy option is at best, daft.

Give yourself some credit for all the contributions to society that you have been able to make despite all of the restrictions on you.

Going to work as a fit healthy person for me was so much easier than living with my conditions now.

Good luck with everything.

Kaliwax

Thanks for the kind words.

Louloubell1980

I understand how you feel. I lost my 3rd job due to struggling with my memory after brain surgery as well as other health issues so know how you feel with job loss and unkind comments too. I found therapy helped and medication and adult learning courses free with my local council. It helped in so many ways from small groups, learning topics i struggling with at school and learning courses in a new field at work too. It helped me achieving my lifelong dream of becoming an author. I met a charity who published my book Jo's hidden secrets which ahares my mental health challenges, shares how adult learning helped me and raises money for charities close to my heart. I hope you get tge right support. Counselling helped my confidence a lot. So did the course and charities were amazing too.

mizuno

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/935880#Comment_935880

May I ask which charity to help with the publising? I also have been suffering from Psychosis for more than 10 years. I have been in and out of employment and benefits since then. I am now waiting for a final decision for illness retirement of which the result should be due today. I am waiting anixously. At the begining of this 10 years, I was like the OP that I would like to work, but now I am so tired of my emotional drain at work since the application of retirement. I have written the first chapter of my book which sharing my experience and would like to know where to publish it.

Kaliwax

I think another issue, I've been through some employment support programs, and they've been utterly terrible as well, I don't think they could understand my needs or help me. I always got the impression I was a statistic, and I always tried to stand up for myself, and they didnt like it.

Thanks for the positive words everybody, made me feel better.

Nightcity

people are nasty, ignorant and even pathetic.

I haven't worked for years, but I don't care what people think or say because it's none of their business.

I had one idiot tell me once the abuse they gave me was because they were "jealous" because my time is mine and I can do as I wish.

I quickly pointed out if they would enjoy chronic migraines, having accidents daily when a toilet isn't nearby, would like being exhausted 24/7 etc then I'm happy to swap.

welcome to the community and I'm sorry you've had to endure such feelings because of that sort.

Louloubell1980

The charity that helped me publish my book was the listening people.

Arkbound is another publishing charity if you live near Bristol or Scotland too

Kaliwax

Thanks for the nice words. It is glad people on here understand.

I dont know why some people are so horrible, people shouldnt be judged on whether they work or not, they should be judged on character, how they treat others

egister

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/125041/dealing-with-unemployment-nasty-comments

It is not your fault that you are unemployed and of course you should not be ashamed of it. Let those who do not create suitable working conditions for disabled people be ashamed.