Hi, my name is usherinanewworld!

usherinanewworld

a friend visited me today and the look in her eye when she looked at me and looked around my flat she stated crying uncontrollably and it made me realise just how mentally unstable I have been and am becoming . I have been on ESA since 2017 at £90 per week so £180 a fortnight due to mental health and my big sister was my caregiver but she died infront of me Nov 2023 due to autoimmune disease she was 36 my mum passed the same way when she was only 39

after I lost Ashley so unexpectedly I lost it I only had my sister left in this world and without her the little I was able to push myself has gone, today my friend came by for first time since Ashley died I have became housebound and looking at her shocked face I realised looking around I’m living no better than an animal it just sneaked up on me . No food in the house I can just about pay for electric but gas is now at £400 in debt and my flat and myself are filthy I didn’t even notice the disgusting surroundings as I have been struggling with mental torture. I see my sister lying out there in the hall eyes wide open the nightmares are horrific. It was my friend who said I need to find some extra support and found adult disability payment as it will help more financially and extra support . Yes my mental health interferes with every day living and the way I am living at the moment is no way to live and I’m scared if something doesn’t change I won’t make it but I don’t think I’m worthy to apply for the ADP as I don’t have a actual physical condition it’s my mental health that affects my physically condition

My hope in 3017 was always to one day get better again but after 6 years i got worse not better but I was hanging in there as I had my sister we were only 2 years apart but now that she’s gone I lost my best friend, companion & everything she did to help like shopping for food ect I have no family left now and the one friend I have who came by is a neighbour, is it wrong to seek additional help while I receive ESA? I thought I would just post this on the hope someone out there is going through something similar🙏

Bluebell21

Hi @usherinanewworld Welcome to the Community. I am so sorry for your loss. Have you had any help managing your grief.

https://www.cruse.org.uk

No it is not wrong to seek additional help while on ESA. Any questions just ask.

Please take care of yourself.

Albus_Scope

Hey @usherinanewworld and welcome to the community from me too.

I'm so sorry to hear about all you've been through, I cant even imagine what that must've been like for you, but Bluebell has given a good link to try if you havent already?

Disability benefits arent just for physical issues, there's many many of us on hte community who claim for mental health reasons, so please dont feel unworthy of claiming, I say go for it. 😊

I've popped you over a little email, please be on the look out for it.