Depression after my dog Syd died

Tumilty

Hello, just needed to write something about how i feel . My family member Syd , my Jack Russell died in october & the void is unbearable.. I have anxiety & depression daily but everything has changed in my mind, i don't want to do things i used to enjoy, i go to bed earlier, don't eat much. I am alone but helping elderly family so along with that & my little Syd dying everything seems too much. I've had some dark thoughts because each day is too much although i know things could be worse as things i see on the news but i'm just writing about how current life is effecting me. I see him in my dreams, i hear him.. Maybe i'm just going through the grief process but it is affecting me terribly.. Regards

Meredithshep

October wasn't that long ago so of course your sad and still grieving, they really are a massive part of our lives. Have you contacted your doctor, maybe some councelling will help, talk about Syd and remember the good times. I still dream about and hear my sibling and it's nearly two years, I can honestly say I don't think I will ever stop grieving. I don't enjoy much either these days but I do try to do what I once enjoyed in the hope I will again one day, someone suggested maybe trying something new would help.

Jane315STARX

@Tumilty I am so sorry for your loss.I think you definitely should speak to your g.p.Losing a dog cannot be underestimated.They are family members.Its completely natural that you are still upset and there is no time limit on grief.The people animals we love and lose are always in our hearts and forever in our minds( I believe until the day we die).I'm sure your Syd had an extremely happy life with you and although that is no comfort to your broken heart.know that it's that heart that gave Syd all the love in the world.Please know that X

Bluebell21

Hi @Tumilty I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is devasting, they are part of the family. Pets never judge us and comfort us when we are unhappy and upset.

Syd will always be with you in your heart. At the moment everything will remind you of him. It is ok to grieve him and have bad days.

You can talk about Syd anytime you would like on the forum and we will listen.

Please take care.

Treacle0690

Dear Tumilty,

I am so sorry for your loss. Dogs are such great creatures and the best companion one could ever hope for. I am also sorry to read that you are suffering from depression. You are definitely not alone in feeling this loss so keenly and writing about your feelings is a great thing. Please do seek help as others are suggesting.
I know it is still raw and nobody can replace Syd but if you wanted to still spend time with dogs or other animals would you consider volunteering for an animal related charity or pet sitting using borrowmydoggy.com or something similar?
The paradox of depression is often that we don’t allow ourselves the chance to do the things that may improve our mood.
I hope you find some peace and healing soon.

Tumilty

Thankyou all for your beautiful words everyone.. @Meredithshep yes i'm in touch with my Dr,she gave me some anti anxiety pills but it doesn't stop me thinking of him it's still so raw..

@Jane315STARX Yes he was my best friend, we had a unique understanding like he lifted his head up whilst looking at me as if to say 'what' happening dad' so breaks my heart thinking of it, As i say everything has changed for me & as you say i doubt it will end i have so many pics & videos of him & each day i see things that bring him back in my heart & mind i don't know if that is good or not.

Yes he was a vital part of the family, he created a dynamic in the house, chasing things, growling & barking at the post man, now that is all gone the house is dead & each morning i cry a little as he used to scratch on bedroom door & come in at 8.30 in the morning now that is all gone. Many thanks @Bluebell21 I will continue to do so.. I'm still in shock in ways.

@Treacle0690 yes they are i agree, they show unconditional love.. So many family members have past some of which have been horrible & i never cried but for Syd i cried a river.. Yes the depression and total change has hit me for 6. I don't want to socialise, i prefer isolation, going to bed early, sleeping pills that i know probably aren't doing me any good long term but whilst in grief i kind of don't care.. I do get out for a jog though stil. The grieving process is still in place, i feel guilt as to what i could've done & the void of not being able to hold him.. Yes i know about being around other dogs but it's still so raw, like splitting with a partner & wanting another to replace it just don't work.. So many pics & vids on my phone & i sleep with his favourite toy beside me & cry into it.. Probably doesn't help but i do..

Love to you all

Jane315STARX

@Tumilty I think what ever the circumstances the choices you made were the right ones.Its obvious that he was and still is your world.I think watching the videos and looking at his photos is perfectly normal as it's your grieving process and a way to connect to him.

Tumilty

Part of grief is guilt, I often think the 'what ifs', he died in my arms as I had to carry him upstairs as he was so weak then his head dropped, it goes over and over in my head.

I'm sorry if I said I did look at photos but at the moment I can't bring myself to as would make me crave holding him again. 😭

Jane315STARX

I would think you were the person he loved most in the world and in your arms would've been the most loving and comforting place to drift off.I personally think when you have such a close bond with an animal their spirit stays around us always.Its heartbreaking that they leave us physically behind without them because they were our complete and utter world.The only consolation is knowing that you must know that they knew how deeply loved they were.It is going to be hard but chatting about him will help whether on here or to someone who also knew him x

Tumilty

Thanks Jane, I'm starting to get a bit weepy but can't here in a public place.

Yes I know he loved me and my elderly family he spent time with. I think I see things and often hear him, maybe it as so used to it, like him running down stairs etc. I'm heartbroken.

Jane315STARX

I completely understand.Did you have him from a puppy? And how old was he if you don't mind me asking

Tumilty

Syd was rescue, we got him 8 years ago & have no idea what age he was maybe about 6 or 7 when he came to us.. Life is so different,my depression & anxiety is through the roof, each day is painful at the moment, his presence not being there is too much at times

Jane315STARX

What a special a home you gave him then.Even more so.I think at times of desperate need of anxiety professional help is the answer as I'm finding right now X

Jane315STARX

You were chosen for him or he chose you.Fate brought you together

HigglePiggleDy

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be gentle and kind to yourself. The loss of a pet is a huge trauma. I know how badly it affected me when my old dog, Tia, died. She was my world. Have you spoken to anyone who can help. The Blue Cross have a Pet Bereavement service.
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

Catherine21

My fifi 15 soon she's getting confused wanting more time on her own the thought is unbearable the price of love is so painful

Tumilty

@Jane315STARX ,yes when we rescued him he was a bit scared but soon settled in, he was a house dog, hated the cold. I talk to samaritans and blue cross on Facebook sharing things with folks in same situation. @HigglePiggleDy he was my world too the void and emptyness in the house is horrible without him. I try to be kind to myself but I've changed, lost interest in things I once liked.

@Catherine21 i feel for you, it's a **** time when you know something has changed. Sending thoughts to you and Fifi 🙏

Jane315STARX

I think the love from dogs and cats is like no other ( I particularly dogs).Sometimes you find your absolute soul mate.That dog whom ever he or she was,was extremely fortunate to have your love showered upon them in bucket loads.Im.speaking to anyone who has lost their beloved dog or cat because I know that agony all too well.I know you probably already know this but sometimes its good to read the words that you were a good 'dad or mum' to your dog or cat.I was always mummy.I always see animals as family members and hate the term 'owner'.Anway sorry I've drifted off subject.I hope you are getting some help from the Samaritans and Blue Cross as you mentioned and this is helpful.

Tumilty

Thanks @Jane315STARX yes I agree more than humans, in my family even more so as some aren't nice. Syd was unconditional, that look in their eyes when they look up at you and little wag of the tail. Absolutely family members, someone said well it's just a dog and I was so angry I felt like telling him what I thought and should have.

Jane315STARX

There is no point wasting your energy on some people.Giving time and energy to those who matter is all that is important.As the days pass you will still be thinking of your Syd every day.But they are your special memories and I imagine alot are inclusive to you and him.I like to think when my dog went to heaven that they remember every single happy memory and moment we ever had.Its extremely early days for you yet but it does help talking about it and people who don't appreciate or love dogs or animals do not understand at all

WhatThe

Absolutely family members

Our cats were given the family name. Though I've never had one, it's clear to me that dog owners have a far deeper bond with their pets.

Maybe i'm just going through the grief process

Tumilty, grief and shock are part of the bereavement process which feels like an eternity when it hits you. Love and loss go hand in hand. They say 'time is a great healer' and it is though you never forget who you loved.

Syd hasn't been gone for long so your feeling raw is perfectly normal. Bereavement can trigger forgotten losses as well as fears for our own mortality. As you spend a lot of your time with elderly family members, your anxiety about them and yourself may be intensified right now.

If trying a walk through a park to watch dogs playing together is too scary then maybe an animal shelter or small farm where you could look at other animals instead? Petting them may be soothing even for a short while.