Talking therapy

Bluebell21

Hi @Jane315STARX I am sorry this is so difficult for you. Once your son has gone to school tomorrow could you phone him. It would be useful to know the outcome even if you do not take it any further.

Please try not to let this upset you.

Take care of yourself.

Jane315STARX

It's a good idea thank you.Yes I know this is what I should do.

Jane315STARX

I have calmed down so much now since this afternoon.Its absolutely ridiculous how anxious I get and out of control but my medical history was used against me over 12 years ago and twisted and shared around my neighhood by ex partner who had copies of it so I'm extremely untrusting of therapists.What keeps going around my head is when he said "nothing of you say to us can be shared unless we think you are a danger to yourself or others".Well I know this is to be totally untrue and All my mental health records were obtained without my consent which was debated in court at the time but deemed irrelevant as other issues were more important.Anyway I've gone of course but my point is there are people in positions who are supposed to help who cannot be trusted.But I shall call X

Bluebell21

Good luck with your call tomorrow @Jane315STARX Let us know how you get on. Take care.

Holly_Scope

Hi @Jane315STARX I hope your call goes ok today. 💛

Jane315STARX

Just spoke to him he said they were going to refer me to a psychiatrist.But I don't trust any of them now.So I told them to take me off their system.He is sending me an email to confirm our conversation.They are All completely untrustworthy

Jane315STARX

Just like the pip assessors

Bluebell21

Hi @Jane315STARX I am sorry it has ended in this way. You did try though. Take care.

Jane315STARX

I think it has been this past 5 months of going through the system.I think it's safer to block emotions out and stay away from.so called professionals.

Holly_Scope

I'm so sorry @Jane315STARX, that's really disappointing. 😔 Am I right in thinking you went through the NHS? It's probably a bit raw now, but if you ever do think about it again there are some organisations (grant based) that offer a certain number of talking therapy sessions. That's how I found mine, locally through someone I know and I really do appreciate I was incredibly lucky I was able to gain some support outside of the NHS.

Jane315STARX

Hi Holly,I have sent an email to the therapist explaining that I basically trust nobody and my reasons why (.which I think he already understands).I felt I needed to apologise because I was so cold that it could've definitely come across as rude.As last time he said he had no information or background on me and this time seemed to have obviously accessed my whole medical history with some of what he said.That being said I've reflected upon my decision and thought that my basis of mistrust has been triggered by the pip assessor report and I cannot let that dictate what happens now as alot of the time I'm simply not now coping since the events of the U.C migration.So anyway I'm quite daunted about what may happen as I might literally see a psychiatrist I saw over 12 years ago and hare the thought of feeling like I'm going backwards.But he replied and said he totally understood and will discuss with me on a day during this week.

Holly_Scope

Oh good, I'm pleased you've spoken since and he seems to be reassuring, which you need right now. It's not a small thing to go through, it's not in anyway easy so I completely get why your feeling triggered. Hopefully a bit of time before he calls next will help because it's really overwhelming. Giving you some space to take a step back from all the stress and emotions around it. Hope you're doing ok today @Jane315STARX Do you have any plans to get your mind off it and make you feel good? 💛

Jane315STARX

You really are such a lovely person Holly,Thankyou.When I read back my own posts I'm so irritating.I am just watching tv today and waiting for a parcel which has supposed to have been delivered weeks ago but says on the app today.I have been writing notes to discuss with this man because sometimes I completely forget what I wanted to say.When we last spoke he mentioned a whole group of things he had in mind but the only thing that I remembered was seeing a psychiatrist.This totally set me off amongst other things and I think this is part of a whole list of my problems.I know I am a very complex case which is why I have misdiagnosed in the past and I cannot take this chance again because my son is totally reliant upon me.I was explaining to him that should a situation arise where I am so depressed for example and get misdiagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder ( which was disproved before).I won't necessarily have the strength or anyone in my corner this time to help me fight it.So it's a Huge gamble I'm taking.He actually agreed and urged me to think about it

Holly_Scope

You're not irritating at all @Jane315STARX! A bit of tele is a great distraction and way to relax (as long as it's not the news LOL). Is your parcel something you're excited about getting? Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're bound to forget things and to because it's such an anxiety inducing experience, naturally your going to be triggered and focus on the most triggering thing. Just take some time out and think about it. Hopefully you can take little steps with this so you don't feel to overwhelmed and can back out if you feel it's going to cause you any issues. It's nice you have a son and sounds like your close. 🙂

Catherine21

2017 i had intense therapy for 18mths was weekly with group then one to one i went but i just used to zone out tried to explain no one said noting also couldnt let the mask slip was impossible i didnt really open up and im so angry at myself i was so lucky to be given this therapy i just dont asorb noting when they said do homework id look at it like what the hell is this ive had loads 2012 had steps programme was from america for bpd a new kind of therapy did same totally zoned out then had coping with emotioms and had one to one as couldnt keep up with it all and was honest that i couldnt but i still masked then had 6 sessions with a lived practiona its people who have mental health issues overcome them and work for cmht he had body dismorphia sorry she was transgender and for 6 sessions we spoke about that was me askimg all questions and felt for her with all the struggles she faces really admired her i judt said with body dismorphia how do you face people everyday one hour is all i can bare and im always in dark glasses scarf even in summer now my doctor writing to cmht for more support but its not been a year since last lot i feel like a child sometimes so vunerable and scsred

Jane315STARX

@Catherine21 is so hard isn't it.I think we are so hard on ourselves and a lot of it comes down to mist trust of others too.I personally find I become completely pessimistic and deeply depressed if someone has broken my trust and it takes me back years.But getting back to you,There is always another opportunity to look at things again.You can clearly see what didn't work and maybe understand why.maybe you might have an idea what could work? And if not a new therapist might?.The only reason I'm trying this is because I have nobody else in my life other than my son.I don't leave the house At all now except every 4 weeks to get my hair trimmed or to take him to the cinema and when he is off school.I don't have conversations with anyone and haven't done in 5 years.I think this might be having a negative impact on him because despite his neurodiversity.He doesn't have any friends of his own either and is incredibly dependent on me.I do not want to have an enmeshed relationship ( I think that's what psychotherapists term it).

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/972219#Comment_972219

Oh jane that got to me it was the hardest time for me when mu daughter was young all the emotions from stress being lonley guilty yes therapy would be so good for you one thing therapy did teach me is boundries and saying no withiut guilt would be amazing for you to speak to someone who knows in near future you coukd try groups for your son start slowly your done right thing reaching out be proud of the first step and once you gain confidence the door because abit more open letting soke light in so glad we found scope xx

Jane315STARX

Just had a call from the therapist who said that basically talking therapy is not right for me and I need more intense help from a psychiatrist.So he is referring me.I must say this has All been triggered off by the U.c migration as before this aside from my obvious physical health problems and daily life problems I was able to manage.This and the pip system has just been utterly awlful

pburns1337

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/970967#Comment_970967

OMG that's horrific. That's an awful thing to happen to you.

Jane315STARX

It's just occurred to me that in my pip report or decision that I got it said that I haven't seen a psychiatrist for many years.Im wondering if I should let anyone know that I've now been referred or is it not worth mentioning?