felt humiliated and insulted by two tesco female staff yesterday
feel humiliated and insulted by two female staff members
just need to vent about something that happened today at my local tesco extra supermarket. i have severe anxiety and traits of autism, so shopping can be stressful, but i like this store because it has scan & go, which helps me avoid social interaction. bear in mind i also show traits of agoraphobia, but this is something i’m trying to fight myself and try to go out every now and then to get over it and today’s incident made it even worse and won’t be leaving the house again... i’m also a young muslim woman fasting for ramadan and i veil all of myself (yes including face but eyes show - you may call it the letterbox lol) for obviously religious reasons, so i was already feeling drained because i haven’t eaten anything since 4am and just wanted to get my shopping done quickly.
while i was in the makeup aisle checking foundation shades to make sure it matches my skin tone and to check out the various shades of lipsticks and nail polish, two middle ages female staff members walked past and said, “not dodgy, yep totally not dodgy at all,” then looked at me directly (i made eye contact with them both) and they laughed as they walked thru the door which i presumes leads to the staff room or storage it’s also a fire exit. one had a short blonde pixie cut (very karen-like), and the other was a brunette but didn’t get a good look at her face. didn’t get their names either as i was absolutely stunned.
i was wearing all black – puffer coat, jeans, top – with my hood up because i was cold and shivering from fasting since dawn. apparently, that made me look “dodgy” for simply checking makeup? i don’t know if it was because of how i was dressed, because i was looking at makeup, or because i’m visibly muslim, but the way they said it and laughed at me was humiliating.
i tried to finish my shopping for the bits and bobs and food i came for, but i felt awful, leaving the store in tears and ended up full out crying when i got home. it’s already hard enough for me to go out and be in public without dealing with this kind of behaviour.
i filed a complaint to tesco via whatsapp, and they said they’ll pass it to management, but because it’s part of their hr process, they won’t tell me the outcome. i asked for an email to contact the duty manager directly because i don’t want this to be brushed under the rug but they said ill have to speak to manager in-store (definitely not happening) because they don’t have any emails to give me. i also left a one-star google and facebook review because this isn’t the kind of treatment i’d expect from tesco staff.
am i overreacting, or was that completely unacceptable? has anyone else dealt with something like this? just feeling really upset about it.
Comments
-
sorry guys i just realised i put “today” instead of “yesterday” (wasn’t focusing) i just wanna confirm that all this happened in the afternoon yesterday
0 -
Hi, no I wouldn't call it overreacting. Your feelings as worth as much as anyone elses. Although I'm a white gay male, I can understand how you feel as I suffer from agoraphobia, severe anxiety, paranoia and have CPTSD. Many people don't understand how hard it can be to walk out of your door and face the world, each mental health condition plays on the others and makes the situation worse. I have never fasted but I can imagine that by the time you eat after sundown, your energy levels will be lower especially if you have experienced a stressful event.
What I think is important, and you should be proud of yourself for, is contacting Tescos to complain. You have reclaimed the situation for yourself and not just become a victim of those two shop assistants. I would hope that singe they will not tell you what the outcome of the complaint is, whoever you spoke to genuinely apologised.
Whilst I would not expect Tesco's to tell you who the staff are or whether their behaviour has been discussed with them, I would hope that the staff at the store will be reminded of the Equality Act 2010 and their duty to treat all customers to the same high standard. Tesco's will have its own equality policy which will have been provided to all staff. What action is taken is likely to take into consideration their staff records.
It may sound strange but, as much as you can't feel that the situation is closed because you don't know the outcome, there is an element of protection for you as well. Sometimes when we complaint we are looking for either an apology from the business, some training/retraining for the staff member and at most a reprimand/warning. Something which is appropriate to the hurt they caused you. If you are like me, that is the most that you want and to be assured that it will not happen again in that shop. If Tesco's actions were more severe, and there was nothing that you could do about their decision, it is likely that you will still feel that things were out of your control.
You have done the hardest thing which is to defend yourself and make a complaint. Feel good that, even though making the complaint probably made you really anxious, that you did it. Tesco's took you and your complaint seriously and forget about the other person who made the comment. You have risen above the situation and I would suggest that you re-visit the store as soon as you feel able. It is a place where you previously felt safe shopping, do not let one or two individual members of staff make you feel that you can't shop there again. From my own experience I know how much of a struggle that will be, it may take several trips there until you feel comfortable there again, but you are the customer and they need to both yourself and the community to shop there for those staff to have jobs.
Well done for standing up for yourself.
4 -
ahhh mr cole james. thank you for being so kind to me, im crying (happy tears i promise) and you have no idea how much i appreciate and needed this. thank you thank you thank yoi 😭🫶🏻
1 -
Hey @justanobody00 I am so sorry this has happened to you, I was hoping we'd moved beyond such pettiness. What the two staff members did was wrong, on multiple levels and I'm happy you have reported them, that was definitely the right thing to do.
I know it's often easier said than done, but please don't let two idiots ruin a day you should be proud of. You got out to the shop, that's something to cheer about, stick with that narrative if you can. ❤️
2 -
hello albus, thanks for your comment. i know like you and cole james have said, i shouldn’t let those two idiots affect me but im still upset and this is why i shop online 99% of the time and its really affected me. but i really appreciate your kindness, thank you. im still glad there are some amazing gems in this horrible world.
0 -
That's shocking! Should never have happened. I'm sorry it did. Take it steady, don't let a pair of idiots ruin your day x
1 -
No way overacting I had an incident with Tesco delivery regarding my dad home delivery the delivery guy was shouting at my dad that he would not enter his property dirty smelly kept saying over and over my dad called me crying I phoned up tescos and made the biggest complaint I made sure they got the manager to call me orelse !! She called making excuses for the driver saying he's normally good guy anyway she asked if I was with my dadand made an apology which he expected oh and a 10 pound voucher I didn't use it as colejames said no one knows how that person is feeling coping and something as spiteful as that can do great damage and I second that we'll done for complaining there is some really spiteful people out there god my spelling bad it's meant to say he accepted the apology
0 -
thank you birdwatcher xx
0 -
catherine all i can say it… your father is very lucky and should be proud to have raised a daughter like you. i can only wish i had half the courage and “hell hath no fury” vibes you have but i can’t because of my severe anxiety. but wow, i really respect you for calling up the tesco to defend ur father and my heart broke when when you mentioned ur dad calling u in tears because i know exactly how he felt then, it’s really humiliating and downright disgusting. i’m sending love and positive vibes your way and also to your lovely dad xx
0 -
You did right to report them, its bad enough from members of the public, but from employees of a shop you are in absolutely sickening.
0 -
Having your hood up probably does look dodgy to shop staff. It's not allowed in my local Tesco (or at least wasn't a few years ago). I was screamed at by a security guard as I walked through the door and told to take it down. Scared the cr*p out of me and needless to say I couldn't complete my shop or go back there for months afterwards.
It's a difficult balance for them though. If they have had lots of shoplifters going in with hoods up and avoiding the cameras, particularly with small valuable items like make-up, they need to do something to stop that. The problem really is with the people doing the shoplifting that spoil it for everyone else!
Also, people make comments all the time without realising the impact, or possibly not knowing they can be heard in some cases. It's happened with me a few times while out in my local area, I am noticeably 'different', and people make comments on that to each other. When wind is blowing in my direction the sound can travel a long way across open space. I don't think there's actually any malice in it, though I do understand and appreciate the way it's made you feel. It's obviously not professional in a retail environment either.
1 -
No sorry,I'd have been saying something in return.. like "Dodgy? What's dodgy? Am I in any danger here?""Is something happening.!"
And let them explain their sheer ignorance.
These ppl need challenged, our lives are hard enough as disabled and sick people without the added burden of hateful ignorance. I might be unwell and don't venture out often but I will not suffer fools gladly. Hope you are ok now. 👍 @justanobody00
3 -
@OverlyAnxious She didn't have a hood up,she is a Muslim lady who was covered from head to toe as is her religion.
1 -
No @Doglover2 the OP stated their hood was up as they were cold.
0 -
She said she had her hood up. @Doglover2
The hood might have been the catalyst for their reaction, but regardless they were wrong for that behaviour. I've had similar experiences ever since I was a teenager because I had ripped jeans or a hoodie, even if the hood was down.
But like I said, they're out of order and I understand your feelings regarding the anxiety and agoraphobia, @justanobody00 . As hard as it is, don't let them make you feel any lesser, you did nothing wrong and I hope you're able to feel easier about this after the responses you've had here.
0 -
Hi , when we have anxiety and levels of agoraphobia I know it makes us sensitive while we are out feeling vunerable . But you did the right thing to complain there was no need for that at all they wouldn’t like it esp a Karen! 😂. I really hope you feel better soon . Some people are ignorant.
Years ago I was in my local supermarket and I could sense I was been followed by the security guard lol and honestly I wouldn’t ever take anything that’s not me . By time I got half way round I thought I’m not having this ( by way I have sight problems ( lights so I don’t wear my glasses much esp in shops cos it magnifies the sensitivity) anyway I stopped in my tracks in full shop lol and says loudly ‘ are you following me? ‘ to which he smirked and said no. So I fired straight back at him ‘ I suggest you change your job cos you haven’t got a clue what you’re doing following me ! I’m probally last person in this shop that would ever help myself !’ And I walked away. I was prob dressed casually I’m not one for dressing up so whatever they are told in security about looks and the way people dress is totally wrong!0 -
So sorry to hear about the hurtful comments. I had a hurtful comments in a shopping center once, i was battling my eating disorder so had not eaten much that day plus had excersize to earn food and burn it off and had a seizure in the shopping centre and my toddler was with me and my husband a few steps behind so it looked like i was staggering to the floor with a toddler. The last thing i remember hearing a man shouting behind me "your not fit to be a mother!" As he assumed i was drunk when really i was having a seizure. I never had alcohol as ive had epilepsy since i was 7 and take 20 tablets a day for all my health issues. I was terrified to go out for ages after that. I had no idea who to complain to. Its lived with me for 7 years and i get flashbacks regularly. Sending thoughts and best wishes.
0 -
maaaan i’m overwhelmed and crying at all the comments of love and support. i’m also heartbroken to see that im not the only one who has gone thru this. people are so evil to us :( but i do wanna say thank you to everyone here @colejames @Albus_Scope @birdwatcher @Catherine21 @worried33 @OverlyAnxious @Doglover2 @Dendoo @geckobat @Louloubell1980 you guys have calmed me down so much and understood me so well and i wanna let u guys know that i appreciate every single one do you who commented on this post.
just to cross things up, yes im a muslim woman and i had my hood up? why? because its ramadan and im fasting, meaning i haven’t eaten since before sunrise and my body is getting by without food or water until sunset. what does this have to do with my hood? we all know the uk is a cold place and me having no food or water in my system made my skin more sensitive to the outdoor cold and i needed the hood up to keep my head warm and keep my veiling in place. but does this mean im a shoplifter? according to those two stupid cows yes, but to normal people? no.
i also understand that people like me (non white, muslim, minority) are disliked by certain people and tbh so be it but i’m just really hoping the complaint i made gets taken seriously. it’s a shame i cannot record in the stores because i would’ve given them their 15 mins of fame and shame and possibly a discrimination lawsuit too (because a part of me also feels like they were targeting my veil) and it’s just heartbreaking and unfair.
3 -
I've had rude comments (and worse) thrown at me in the streets for the way I look and Muslim friends have received some very nasty comments before when I've been with the,. People can be horribly judgey and I think certain folk think that social media and some political parties have given them the right to be as horrible as they want, as loud as they want. This really shouldn't be how we do things in this country and honestly, I'm a bit ashamed when I read things like this.
I'll loudly call these things out if I see them in public, but unfortunately it's not always the safest thing to do. But we can still be vocal online! I'm happy to see everyone coming together here to show support. I love to see it. ❤️
3 -
I have just read your post and I think the way you were treated was outrageous. I am a Christian and I am angry that these bigots are not going to learn, that their actions are not tolerated in this day and age. I believe that everyone has the right to keep faith with God their own way. Wear whatever you feel most comfortable in.
Be proud of your faith and culture and do not let those ignorant fools upset you. You have won this battle by keeping your dignity in a horrible situation.
You said that you were feeling a bit drained because of not eating since 4 a.m.. I do not know your age, all I know is that you when Christians fast they prepare for the fast. Thus making the fast less of a shock for the body. I have along term condition which according to my Muslim friend means I would not be able to do the fast. Could you be able to do a less stressful fast. Speak to your local Imam the ones I have met are very understanding and knowledgeable. They will not want you coming to harm.
Please take care of yourself and do not let the bad guys win. I know it is not easy for you, but you need to go back to that store for your own peace of mind. Take a friend with you (safety in numbers) it may give you that extra bit of confidence.
I hope things get better for you and don’t let this bad experience get you down.
“YOU ARE A WINNER “🥇🏆🏅2
Categories
- All Categories
- 14.9K Start here and say hello!
- 7K Coffee lounge
- 81 Games den
- 1.7K People power
- 97 Announcements and information
- 23.3K Talk about life
- 5.5K Everyday life
- 278 Current affairs
- 2.3K Families and carers
- 857 Education and skills
- 1.9K Work
- 501 Money and bills
- 3.5K Housing and independent living
- 1K Transport and travel
- 682 Relationships
- 71 Sex and intimacy
- 1.4K Mental health and wellbeing
- 2.4K Talk about your impairment
- 857 Rare, invisible, and undiagnosed conditions
- 916 Neurological impairments and pain
- 2K Cerebral Palsy Network
- 1.2K Autism and neurodiversity
- 38.1K Talk about your benefits
- 5.8K Employment and Support Allowance (ESA)
- 19.2K PIP, DLA, ADP and AA
- 7.6K Universal Credit (UC)
- 5.5K Benefits and income