What to do

carcari

I've been with my husband for 22 years. Married 13 this may.. we're both suffering with bouts of depression my husband worst then myself just lately. Doctors have him on medication. And that doesn't seem to work the same way it does for me...

It's getting to the point were we can go all day without speaking to each other. Some days in to scared to say anything to him. We were on a small family break to see extended family even she picked up that he can be very controlling.. I've getting to a poi t where I don't want to be around him. I also have a 19 year old son who is autistic who is started to pick up that me and dad are not well… I want to leave but wouldn't know where start. And have way to much to lose if I was to just up and leave

Littlefatfriend

Please:

Unaware of the details of each of your situations may I suggest a perspective? No judgement here ever.

If your husband's depression is perhaps even a little more acute than yours (or if he deals with it in a different way to you) you are at risk of assuming responsibilities which aren't yours. Or his. Or your child's.

Have you considered counselling?

Having worked in counselling for decades I'm sure it really could make this different for all/each of you.

It could help you imagine solutions.

How to move from where you are.

I'm sure it will be available near you.

Good luck

shell319

Are you ok .

charl1980

One big question here do you love him? Dispite the issues in sickness and in health and all that or do you find yourself not loving the man he is today if this is the case there is your answer unfortunately

Bluebell21

Hi @carcari I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time at the moment.

You have now taken the first step in reaching out to Scope to ask for advice. That takes a lot of courage.

https://www.relate.org.uk

Relate might be worth talking too.

We are here for you anytime to help and support you where we can.

Please take care of yourself.

Charlie_Scope

Hello @carcari.

You've had a lot of great suggestions already so I don't want to overwhelm you, but I wondered if either of you have any support other than medication to help with your depression? Counselling, either individual or couples counselling, might be helpful in your situation.

No one can tell you whether to leave or not, but you should prioritise your own wellbeing and safety and remember how important you are too. How long have you thought about leaving?

You mentioned your extended family had picked up on some controlling behaviour and I wanted to ask if you'd like to talk any more about this? Safelives have a great page explaining a little about controlling or coercive behaviour which you might find of interest.

Ranald

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1009771#Comment_1009771

Do you not remember the now deleted, appalling comment you made on this thread previously? Have you no shame?

Mijuka

i am really sorry and understand your situation, however, solving the situation is another issue. pls do not count on advice, there is hardly an advice for such things, unfortunately.

If u can ,, pls for long walk, go to the gym…

physical activity will help

durhamjaide2001

i would suggest maybe going to the GP and seeing what they can do.

WhatThe

Do you not remember the now deleted, appalling comment you made on this thread previously? Have you no shame?

Some people consider discrimination only as it applies to themselves - poor oppressed man 🙄

Ranald

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1009823#Comment_1009823

I too was frustrated with difficulty seeing my children etc, when I got divorced. In the heat of the situation I felt their was bias towards my ex; but I read a bit on the subject, and I got over it.

There is a definite swell of misogyny In recent years. Grown men acting like toddlers and blaming woman for all their ills.

The op didn't deserve a load of bile, when simply seeking advice.

WhatThe

carcari, hello 🙂 I hope you are alright and that you didn't see that comment this morning. I've been in an unhappy marriage and don't think I could live with anyone again.

Anything you can do to spend less time together will be good for you. Getting up and leaving is quite a drastic step. Marriage guidance might help you begin communicating with one another to find a workable solution.

It's not the same at all but when my dad became unwell, he withdrew and became hostile to us all. Men's virility can be affected by medication and cause depression even without an active sex life.

( I'll never understand men 😉 )

Wibbles

The grass is not necessarily greener - weigh up all of the pros and cons