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Relationships

pooleemily29

Right first off I really don't know how to put this I'm 30 now and everytime i find myself constantly thinking about wanting that special relationship with someone. But I just don't know where to start. I've tried here not dating obviously but deep down I want mite than just a friend. Can you someone help?

@pooleemily29

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Comments

Kimi87

My advice, for what it's worth as a 38 yo woman who has struggled with lack of male attention her whole life, is to focus on getting out and about more socially to see if any relationships develop.

I personally gave up on online dating completely but that's also an option if you wanted to try.

My sole relationship came through online dating but it didn't last and I was off & on those apps for a decade. They don't work for me!

I use Facebook and Meetup for local social groups, and if there isn't one you fancy you can always start up something yourself.

Even though they haven't led to any relationships for me I still have a tiny amount of hope plus the more I get out the less time I spend at home alone.

pooleemily29

@Kimi87 I have to relay on my family to get me about because I have Cerebral Palsy.

@pooleemily29

Mary_Scope

Hi @pooleemily29

I have heard some people finding relationships from dating apps, I'm not sure if you have tried them but they may be a good way of finding single people and getting to know somebody first?

pooleemily29

@Mary_ Scope hi Mary sorry if I didn't get back to you sooner I am familiar with dating sites problem is I don't trust them enough because I could be talking to anyone. I'd much prefer a safe online disabled community like scope I.e Able Here. I've seen that one and seen a few people I'd like to chat to but I haven't the confidence to sign up whilst being nervous about what other people may think. I've been waiting 30 years to find a partner the right one one that can trust. But thank you for the suggestion ☺️ @pooleemily29

pooleemily29

@Mary_Scope hi Mary, recently I've been thinking about using another online disabled community to talk to other people but the problem that I've got is knowing what other people are going to think of me talking to other disabled people on different online communities because I only trust them. I've seen one called Able Here and I really not sure whether I should sign up for it and just forget what other people think. Also I've got this feeling of am I betraying my friend @barney12 who i met on here. I'm glad his talking to other people though I'd just feel like I'm betraying him because we've been talking for months on WhatsApp. @pooleemily29

Bydand

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1012798#Comment_1012798

Hi,

There is no need to feel unsure about whether to join another online community forum, I would suggest that many of us on scope likely dip in and out of various forums or specific health condition sites. You are allowed to get involved and communicate with anyone you choose too and I doubt anyone would have an issue with that. If someone did take offence then you would need to question their attitude, not your own…..you can join and get involved and see how it goes, if it’s not for you then delete your account, but limiting yourself by worrying about how others might perceive you only disadvantages you.

As a way of getting out and about, can I ask whether you have joined a local cerebral Palsy support group. Often these groups offer far more than just getting together and chatting. They often organise outings or trips, social get togethers, theatre trips etc. Getting involved can often open up whole new avenues to meeting people, and of course being in a specific Cerebral Palsy group it is likely that others will be able to share with you their stories and experiences whilst being able to point you in the right direction if you ever bring a question up to the group.

Hoping that you find that special person you are looking for, I am sure that you will

Scott

pooleemily29

@Bydand hi Scott I'm Emily, I struggle at a lot of thebtime with getting out because I have you rely someone to take me. Which is why I found it difficult to find friends. Of course I know I shouldn't feel.uneasy about it in the back of my mind I do. I have family but there's nothing to compared to having that special someone. I'm sure I will at some point but still I'm going to be taking my time. @pooleemily29 🙂

Bydand

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1012966#Comment_1012966

Hi Emily

I can totally get the feelings involved with others having to help you. I don’t have Cerebral Palsy but as my own illness ( idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis) has progressed it has meant that others have had to take up some of the slack and help me out. I think it’s important though to remind ourselves sometimes that the people we rely on help because they love us and want to support us having as normal a life as possible, it is important to thank them though from time to time.

If these shoe was on the other foot I am sure we would help out too.

Finding friends whether you are able bodied or disabled can be challenging in this day and age. I am sure that you have had all the advice such as get involved in a hobby, join a club etc etc but the truth is they are all great ideas, although maybe a little daunting at first…..online groups are great and can lead to friendships forming but if these friendships are ever only through media it restricts the physical side of meeting that special someone.

Honestly, I would give the support group route a try, it might surprise you.

Take it easy

Scott

pooleemily29

@Bydand unfortunately for me because I live outside of Birmingham there's no support groups near me. 😤 you take it easy too Emily @pooleemily29

pooleemily29

@Bydand Good night Scott 😀

pooleemily29

@Mary _ Scope hi Mary I'm really really struggling with a decision in my head whether to give the website Able Here a try I want to i really as I'm looking for that someone special. But I'm just worried about what other people will say and think. @pooleemily29

Lucy_Scope

Hi @pooleemily29,

I hope you are well.

Like others have posted in here, it is difficult to find a relationship for anyone, especially when you are disabled.

I can see you are interested in join Able Here, as others have said, you could join and see if you like it. If you do not, you can always delete your account.

I know you said getting out is difficult, which I appreciate. But, it may be worth looking into your local PHAB group as well to help meet new people.

Dating is scary, and sometimes it requires you to step out of your comfort zone ☺️

Best wishes,

Lucy

pooleemily29

@Lucy_Scope hi Lucy thank you for getting back to me I really do feel a bit metvous about signing up for able here because I don't know how other people might feel. I feel like I'm doing it for them by not signing up for it rather than doing it for myself I know it sounds selfish 😌

Best wishes

@pooleemily29

Lucy_Scope

Hi @pooleemily29,

That is understandable. Online networking can be scary

Have you dated anyone before?

pooleemily29

@Lucy_Scope Yes when I was younger but not since.

Lucy_Scope

It is understandable that you feel nervous. This is new and can be difficult to date.

While yes, some online profiles may not be genuine, most are :) I have CP and met my boyfriend online.

There are ways to keep yourself safe.

This is a good podcast from a disabled woman's perspective

pooleemily29

@Lucy_Scope I want to put i just really want to someone whose like me although I've already done that essentially on here when I met my friend @barney12 who also has Cerebral Palsy. I'd like to try somewhere else other than scope. If that makes any sense.

barney12

of course it makes sense well done for keep on talking about it on here

recentlydisabled

i understand what you mean. people dont understand us i have problems walking and using my hands so im frustrated most times as i cant find any to help me.

i hope you find that special person

durhamjaide2001

I struggle with relationships to as I have autism so I understand

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