Pathological Demand Avoidance

Albus_Scope

Imagine you're at a party, and there's a particularly lively guest who seems to masterfully avoid doing anything remotely helpful, like tidying up. They might distract you with a funny story, negotiate their way out of it by offering to get you a drink, or simply disappear at the first opportune moment. Well, in the world of psychology, this behaviour has a name. Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

PDA is characterised by several key traits, which may include:

• Resisting and avoiding the ordinary demands of life: This can manifest in different ways, such as procrastination, negotiation, or distraction.
  
• Appearing sociable, but lacking understanding: Individuals may often seem comfortable in social situations, but struggle to fully comprehend social norms.
  
• Excessive mood swings and impulsivity: Emotions can rapidly fluctuate, and individuals may act impulsively, often without thought for consequences.
  
• Obsessive behaviour, often focused on other people: This can be seen as an overbearing need to interact or control others.

Many people who experience PDA prefer to call it “Persistent Drive for Autonomy,” which is a much more useful description because it gets to the heart of the matter. Autonomy is one of the greatest motivators an individual has. Most people function best with at least a moderate degree of autonomy, but when that need is extreme, it can cause major problems in a person’s ability to function day-to-day. As such, PDA is mostly linked to anxiety.

Many who identify with the condition prefer to call it "Extreme Demand Avoidance," as pathological often conjures up images of serial killers, or wrongdoers. When in fact PDA (or EDA) is a condition that is more about self preservation, rather than big knives. Although mostly found in neurodiverse people, it's not only an autistic thing, it's also found in neurotypical people.

When asked to do a perfectly normal task like brushing teeth, or washing up, someone with PDA may start making excuses, trying to change the subject, or even try to bargain their way out of it, or the good old classic "I'll do it later ok?" If this tactic doesn't work, then often the PDA will kick things up a notch and the shock and awe tactics appear. In children, this will often be the kicking and screaming. In adults, it could be raised voices, storming off, or the task they were already in the middle of being suddenly left, because now you've asked, that task has become the enemy.

It's important to understand in these situations, it's the persons brain throwing them into fight or flight mode, as the task is seen as an actual threat to them. It's nothing to do with being lazy, it's all to do with the brain defending itself. Even things that are usually seen as fun can be cancelled by PDA, so it doesn't just appear for boring things. For instance, this article has taken me a lot longer than it should've done to write, because my PDA had told me I shouldn't do it at any cost, because I'd planned to write it today and had made it task. So I've had to bribe myself with Haribo.

Though people are born with PDA, it often manifests differently in children and adults, because as we grow and our brains develop, we discover more ways of dealing with situations. So it may appear to almost vanish in the eyes of loved ones and you may just get called lazy, but it's just manifesting in more subtle ways, rather than the kicking and screaming. Now as adults, we've learned we can barter our way out of situations. 😉

As a lesser known manifestation of disability, PDA should be respected, not belittled. Use empathy instead of annoyance.

I hope this brief look has helped you learn a bit more about this condition and as always, if you have any questions, please just ask away.

Holly_Scope

Thanks for sharing this @Albus_Scope. I hadn't heard of this before so I've learnt something new. And it's a really interesting read.

Albus_Scope

Cheers @Holly_Scope hopefully people can learn a little bit about it. 😁

SaraC_Scope

@Albus_Scope This is a great explanation of PDA. We have an adopted son, who is now 21. As a youngster he avoided all demands and his mood could change in seconds. When we were looking at strategies to support him, attachment and PDA was mentioned by the adoption team.

This information was a gamechanger for us and we learnt how to change our style of parenting to support him. The PDA Society is a really useful site for advice and guidance.

BroughAndy

Fascinating read. I've never seen it in a human being, but my dog definitely has it!

zebadee

Thank so much for that it explains so much I can identify. I had no idea.

Albus_Scope

Happy to help @zebadee I'm late diagnosed ASD (3 years next month) and awaiting my ADHD assessment, so I of course hyperfixated on learning as much as I could about neurodivergence in true ADHD fashion haha. So if there's anything you'd like me to write about, I'm always open to new ideas. 😁

zebadee

Im thinking of getting an ASD assement will probly go with the same right to choose clinic as my ADHD .a lot of my grandchildren (15) are being assessed now. I will keep an eye out for anything you post thanks .

Albus_Scope

Well there's a lovely discussion on Right to Choose which I've written too.😉 But things seem to be moving very quickly with that, so I may need to update a few figures.

The wait really is the worst part of it all, so I see no issues in people self diagnosing until they know for sure. 😁

NeuroEve

Thank you so much for sharing this, it has put into words both of my adult children’s actions where they are in situations that they go into fight or flight in order to avoid certain situations/tasks.

66Mustang

I definitely can relate, especially to the negotiation aspect. I tend to negotiate with myself a lot as a way of justifying (to myself, not others) procrastination.

More interestingly, I've noticed my mum has started doing it too, and she doesn't have autism or ADHD. She'll often find valid but convenient reasons to not do what she has been meaning to do, and justify* it by doing some alternative task which is easier but equally productive; but which wasn't as urgently needed.

*she has arthritis, and I can only assume she is actually justifying it to herself, not the rest of us, because "I'm not going to do that because I'm in pain" is a perfectly sufficient explanation for everybody else!!

Cherry70

@Albus_Scope Thank you so much for sharing !I wish my mum red this when I was a child…but it's not a fashion mag so perhaps she wouldn't have understood it anyway. The human brain is indeed so fascinating. I feel the same resistance when I am encouraged to attend groups in dingy smelly venues with strangers…it does not appeal to me at all and I never know how to decline politely and stop the insistence. Just the word "groups" makes me uncomfortable. I do not like crowds, smells and unfamiliar people. Do I have the right to enjoy my own company in comfort? Does anyone have any suggestions or similar experiences on this? Also why is it so hard to get full diagnoses? I wonder…

Cherry🍒

Albus_Scope

I'm glad it's been useful @Cherry70 😁 PDA is not purely for people who are neurodivergent, but the majority are. You can't get an official diagnosis for it still, as it's not seen as a separate medical condition, it tends to be added as a profile for an autism assessment. But there's been a lot more research being done on it, so I think it's only a matter of time before it's a medical condition all of its own. 😊

That sounds less like PDA and maybe more like she's feeling embarrassed because she can't do things as well as she could before @66Mustang? PDA tends to be with a person from birth, as it's our brains being wired differently. 😊