Support for re-housing and independent living?

Amoeba

Hello,

I'm new here and not sure if this is the right category, but I'm in need of some help.

I've been living with a friend for 10 years now, we're both disabled, but when we moved in we were both a lot more mobile than we are now.

I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and am a wheelchair user, though I can walk short distances with braces and crutches, and my housemate has ADHD and depression.

When covid hit and we were stuck at home her mental health declined really badly, and she started taking medication for it, but over the last few years especially she's been getting worse, she's not looking after herself at all, she doesn't bathe, shower, or brush her teeth, sleeps in her clothes and doesn't change any of them until she does decide to shower, so she smells quite bad and other people have been mentioning it to me. She won't clean up after herself, she keeps buying things we don't need or have space for, our cleaner has threatened to quit because she can't clean anything because there's stuff everywhere… She lies about everything - she's been overdosing on her medication, lying to doctors about it, I've tried to get her to talk to them about it but even when I book the appointments and attend with her she just tells the doctor everything is fine when it's clearly not.

She's also seemingly lying about having a physical disability - she had no physical issues when we met, but when I started needing a wheelchair 5 years ago she suddenly started having pain and "dislocations" in her joints in line with EDS, and I ended up taking her to my specialist for an assessment, but they didn't find anything wrong with her apart from her having hypermobile knees, and after that all her complaints were only about her knees, I even arranged a referral for her to get supports for her knees since she was complaining about them so much but she never wears them, and she bought her own crutches but she frequently forgets about them and just walks off without it with no issues, and physio have questioned why she's using them at all because there's no reason they can see for her to need them.

I've basically been forced into becoming her carer, but I can't handle the level of care that she clearly needs. My mental and physical health are suffering because I don't like living in her mess, and I don't have the mobility or energy to keep cleaning up after her… She never asks for help when she needs it and then lashes out at me for not helping her when I had no idea she needed help, I've told her so many times if she needs help with something or she's having issues with her mental health to tell me so I can help, but she doesn't. She's also developed some really emotionally abusive behavioural issues that have pushed away all of her family and friends, and I just can't take being a punching bag for her anymore.

The house we're currently in isn't suitable for either of us, we did have occupational therapy out to assess it and they just recommended that we move, but as we're both on benefits there really isn't anywhere to move to because rent is too expensive for housing benefit rates.

I'm trying to figure out if there's some kind of support available to help get both of us rehoused separately with the care we need to live independently? I'm not at a point where I want or need a live-in carer, but I think my housemate will need a lot of support, including someone to help manage her benefits for her, but I'm not sure if that kind of support exists…

I have tried to find adult social services from the council (Nottingham City council) but the online referral links don't seem to work.

Holly_Scope

Hi @Amoeba I'm so sorry to read about your situation, but appreciate you sharing this. I'm going to pop you an email imminently with some additional support options. Please keep an eye out for this.

Best wishes,