I'm sure this is a common problem, especially with the current economic climate and more young people not being able to afford to live alone.
We have three of our 'kids' still at home. The youngest is still at college and planning to go to university in a couple of years. The older two are 25 and 29. All three are autistic.
The older two don't do anything outside the home. I'm trying to get one of them into volunteering as they did some in the past and enjoyed it. The older one used to run a craft business online but that's dwindled away due to their depression. They sleep until about one in the afternoon and then play with their pets for the rest of the day.
I'm caring for my disabled husband and don't have much time spare to do chores so I expect the kids to help out a little, but it's been a battle that's raged in our house for years. I have to specifically ask for jobs to be done - they won't see a sink full of dirty pots and wash them, they'll just perch more pots on top. If the floor is filthy they won't think to pull the hoover out, yet the oldest one constantly complains about how dirty the house is and how badly washed the pots are (my husband has sight loss but he does like to do the dishes and sometimes misses bits).
I often tell them if it's not clean enough for them to do it themselves but they just tell me they're disabled and can't do it. Their own bedroom is spotless but they seem to be content to leave the rest of the house in a mess.
I asked all three of them to do the pots and hoover the pile of dust that I'd swept into a corner when I went out a couple of days ago. When I came home the pots were done but the sweepings were still there so I asked why it hadn't been done. The eldest one just looked daggers at me and refused to speak to me until yesterday when I asked what was wrong and why they weren't talking to me. They said I'd been 'passive aggressive' in asking why the job hadn't been done, and that they were too worried about their ill pet to do anything. Yes, their pet is ill but this behaviour has been going on for years, not the last few days. They started screaming at me that I have no empathy for them when they're dealing with difficult things and that they hate their life and having to live at home. My husband is a bit more old fashioned than me and feels that as parents this is our house and our word is law. He hates it if the kids monopolise the tv and won't let him watch something even when he gives them notice.
He gets angry that they open all the blinds and curtains round the house as the bright sunlight messes with his vision. They move furniture round when he goes out so things are unfamiliar to him trying to walk around the house. His opinion is it's our house as parents and the kids should live by our rules. The kids argue that they're adults and so have an equal say in how the house is run and I fall somewhere in the middle.
The friction is getting worse and worse. It's making my husband ill with all the constant arguments. He has epilepsy and the stress is affecting it. Our oldest says they feel like they're living in a house share with housemates that don't really like them.
Can anyone relate to our circumstances? If so, how to do you find a balance that works for your family?
