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Living with my mum is making me depressed.

ryleyyg

I don’t know how to explain this but living with my mum is making me very depressed. She drinks and she’s an alcoholic yes.. but when she isn’t drunk, she goes on about bills money debt etc every single damn day.. that’s not my issue. It’s her fault she can’t fully look after her bills properly. Because she ends up spending it on alcohol.

Recently when I’ve woken up etc she calls out my attitude and calls me rude etc, but the truth is I am just tired of living in this flat with my mom and brother. It’s making me depressed because I’m stuck in doors with them all the time, I am starting volunteering soon, but it’s making me very depressed/angry and I do not know what to do. Some days I shut down and stay in my room and don’t talk to anyone at all.
I’ve started drinking energy drinks everyday, just so I feel a bit of dopamine rush and make me feel happy for a while. I understand that’s probably bad, but saving up to move out this year, so I can work on myself independently and improve my mental health. Because living with an alcoholic parent is so difficult and it’s not fun at all.

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Comments

Littlefatfriend

Hi Ryleyyg.

I'm sorry to read of the issue you're having, alcohol can be a hugely destructive addiction.

Moving out seems likely to be a very good idea. Do you have access to a social worker? They may be able to assist you with finding accommodation, particularly if you explain this problem to them.

Energy drinks obviously contain an awful lot of calories but they're unlikely to harm anything much. The "withdrawal" symptoms some people experience if they use them frequently and suddenly stop are essentially just missing the caffeine, and lots of people drink a lot of coffee! Mouthwash may help protect your teeth.

If it pleases you and you can afford them I wouldn't worry about that.

Good luck

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Holly_Alumni

Hi @ryleyyg I'm really sorry to read about your situation, that must be incredibly difficult but it's good you've reached out. @Littlefatfriend has given some really great advice. I'm going to pop your an email shortly too - please keep an eye out for it.

ryleyyg

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1030450#Comment_1030450

thank you! I am on the council bidding application but however I am on band C.
I am currently saving up my money first as I would need to pay for rent in advance and other stuff needed to move out etc.

I am starting a CBT therapy or whatever you call it, I’m not sure how you call it.

Which is tomorrow so I will speak to them over the phone.

The only issue is, I wanna move up to band B but my council has asked for more medical information on to how it affects me living here.
but my doctors is very hard to get an appointment and diagnosis etc. so I’m not sure what to do! As I’d like to move out quick, as it’s making me very depressed being here.
I barely sleep some nights as I’m overthinking/stressed most of them.
I can’t really talk to anyone in my family about it as my dad just won’t properly understand as he’s a workaholic person, although I love him. But I don’t think he’d get what I would try and say.

Littlefatfriend

I'm happy to help if I may.

CBT (the T stands for Therapy) can be profoundly healing and all sorts of useful. I've both used it and practised it professionally. They're exactly the right people to begin this conversation with as they will likely be able to help you find solutions of your own making. A social worker is also likely to be a useful step. I'm not an expert in housing rights but they either should be, or should know someone who is.

As we can see, it will be extremely difficult for you to "prove" that your parents are having problems or that your mother drinks excessively. That's only just your information. For those reasons there will be established processes to help people in situations like yours. Maybe try to think of how to communicate the ways this issue impacts you, how you feel and what you think. You began describing it well above.

All of our mental health is very important and you deserve not to have stress forced upon you. That's not good for people.

Perhaps the people I've mentioned may help you to write down what you might say to your father, so that either he could read it or you could use that as a cue card to open a conversation with him. I encourage you to talk to them about it. Perhaps write a list of things to bring up before they/you call?

Change is always possible.

Good luck

ryleyyg

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1030523#Comment_1030523

thank you for this message! I will have a look at what you gave me it really means a lot! Much appreciated!

colejames

Hi Ryleyyg,

On top of the advice that has been already given, I was wondering if you'd ever contacted Al-Anon or NACOA? They are both organisations which support people who are involved with an alcoholic. NACOA is specifically for those who have a parent with an alcohol problem. They are easy to find on the internet but here are the web addresses.

https://nacoa.org.uk/

Their helpline is: 0800 358 3456

https://al-anonuk.org.uk/

Their helpline is: 0800 0086 811

They may be able to give you support and advice from a different perspective. They may also have networks where both you and your brothe r may be able to meet with people in your age group who are experiencing the same issues.

I do appreciate how you feel as I have been in a similar situation as you. My grandmother lived with us from about the time I turned 12 up until her death. Both my grandmother and my mother were alcoholics and my father nearly went down the same route because of it. Luckily he realised before it became the controlling feature of his life. Like you my retreat was my room and because of my age (I'm in my 60s) my escape was reading.

I may be reading too much between the lines and putting myself in your shoes, but having the energy drinks every day does not mean you have an addictive personality like your mother has and you are your own person. Neither my sister or myself became alcoholics, we enjoyed alcohol but respected it and the harm it can cause. My sister was married before my mother's alcoholism really took control and both of us had been raised with alcohol and allowed to drink as children (blame the 60's and 70'S). I know both of us did drink too much on occasion when out with friends during our teens, 20's and 30's but it was never a habit and it's definitely been decades since I've done it. I've also got friends who had a parent or parents who were alcoholic and their choice has been never to touch alcohol.

Just having an energy drink a day is not an addiction and won't lead to you becoming an alcoholic in the future. If it concerns you then go a day without having one or talk it over with you CBT therapist or one of the two above organisations. They have the local knowledge to help you. You are being strong already because you have acknowledged that you need help. That is the biggest step.

sara50

Hiya ryleyyg im sarah i was also raised by to acoholic parents so i kinda understand what you are going through i alsk used to drink energy drinks daily i had to stop as they caused acid reflucs rsally badly the acid was so bad my stomach gurt so much i couldent eat properley it burnt the inside of my stomach i has to stop eating certain foods as they would cause more acid which made me thriw up some days i would through up bowels of acid this went on for months and without warning i lost so much weight so please be careful stah strong keep striving towards your goal of movig out i know its easy for ms to say but you will get there

Richard_Scope

Hi @ryleyyg

Here is an organisation that can help, it's one I have used in the past.

Adult Children of Alcoholics UK

ryleyyg

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1030613#Comment_1030613

thank you I really appreciate this!

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