Agoraphobia

Pixxie6

What happens if you have agoraphobia (can't go out alone or use the phone) and the only family you have is one parent and that parent makes you homeless and then boyfriend won't help applying for housing or help do a change of circumstances for benefits. End up in homeless hostel relying on another resident to get you food. 2 years later parent turns up and decides they will help you apply for housing. Get housed but neither parent or boyfriend will help with food regularly so you end up in hospital for months due to being underweight. No one visits. Home from hospital (no boyfriend now, he's moved on) and now have 2 new neighbours making life unbareable. Again parent can't or won't help. Parent becomes terminally ill & dies. Just before parent gets ill you meet someone who promises to look after you, give you somewhere safe to live, food, someone to spend Christmas/birthdays with etc (never allowed to spend Xmas/Easter etc with parent) so you give up housing to live with them. Fast forward a few years and now I still have agoraphobia but also PTSD due to controlling abuse from parent/boyfriend and the upsetting events both in hospital and hostel. Ptsd & emotional dysregulation is destroying the relationship. Because he works full time doing shift work we couldn't have children (no one to take kid to school or pick up if ill) I spend Xmas/birthdays etc alone if he is working. We have had separate rooms for years. I can't leave as I can only get housed if he is abusive (he isn't) plus how can I leave if I can't even get past the front door by myself. There is no family/friend to help or stay with. Now I find out I could/should have had supported housing/support worker, could have been re-housed when needed had I had the help to do so. But while I've been though the above my ex boyfriends sister also agoraphobic got housed, had children (didn't have tro stay with the father just so her kids could eat/go to school etc) because she had/has family who do it all for her. She got re-housed even nearer her family because she had family to contact the council/move her furniture etc. She can choose to be single or in a relationship yet still have a house to live in. Has family to spend Xmas etc with. So 2 people both with agoraphobia the one with family gets benefits, housing, children yet the one without gets no help. Feel 'discriminated' because got no family. How do I deal with everything I've been through? How do I carry on living with someone just to have a roof over my head? Surely someone with agoraphobia and no family support is more vunerable than someone who has a family support network.

Girl_No1

It sounds as though you've had the roughest of deals.

I think your starting point is your GP to ask for a referral to Community Mental Health Team for support with your (I presume undiagnosed) PTSD/Emotional Dysregulation.

CMHT teams are, I believe, used to dealing with people who are unable to leave home and offer telephone support/home visits to people in this situation.

They should be able to help you access Adult Care Services and/or Housing Services.

I know it's not easy, but please stop comparing your life with anyone else's. It's never a useful route to take …. after all, none of us knows the complete story of anyone else's life.

Good luck x

Pixxie6

I have been diagnosed with PTSD & emotional dysregulation and under local mental health team on and off for many years but never had any support with shopping/doctors appointments/companionship etc. CAB say I cannot get housed unless partner is being abusive - he isn't so I have to stay with him. Have emailed Adult Care 3 times and filled in form last year and heard nothing until this year when they phoned once and left message despite me saying on form I cannot and do not use the phone. My last counsellor/therapist says my PTSD is due to me being homeless and unable to access support ie council/benefits and having no support to do so and then what I went through after and its continuing by being in the situation I cannot get out of (unless I'm suddenly cured of agoraphobia or I suddenly gain a family). I can't phone to make a Gp appointment and partner can't for me as he's gone to work before surgery opens and not home until after its closed. The point is as vulnerable person I shouldn't even be in this situation, relying on a relationship to provide my care because I've been failed by the systems meant to support the vulnerable. I can't use the phone, I've tried CAB re housing, tried Adult Care who only reply by phone, been under MH teams, crisis team, hospital yet still had no help with basics such as food/medication etc I'm just going round in circles.

Girl_No1

The only other thing I can suggest is contacting a local advocacy service via email to explore the possibility of obtaining an advocate who can make your case to various agencies. Explaining your situation regarding interacting with others, and requesting contact only via email.

Perhaps other posters who have more suggestions will come along soon.