I'm so bored!

Wheeled_Weapon

Bit of a rant/moan oncoming...

I sometimes feel I'm the only active wheelchair user in Durham city. I've met one in the past 3 years (and met another in Sunderland yesterday).

I do long 'walks' and prefer not to stick to pavements, offroad is my playground, but I also like to pop into the pub for a pint 🤣

I hate talking about the government, benefits, ableism etc and prefer to have a laugh. I'd rather puncture my own tyres than talk about any of that stuff, I know it's really important to some people but it bores me to absolute tears.

I've been through so much abuse and misery in my past that I live my life for one reason, to have fun.

I'm the only disabled person in my friend group. Technically there's another guy but I really don't like him as his constant garbage jokes are just irritating and he's inappropriate with women, so I avoid him whenever possible. I mean I'm hardly the epitome of chivalry but there's a huge difference between banter and being creepy/rude.

Recently though, I've cut most of them out my life. Reason being that it's me doing all the travelling to see them (two buses) and I think that they miss one important point - Just because I make things look easy, doesn't mean things are always easy.

Plus, they're utter fun-sponges. They have no commitments but are boring AF. Put it this way, I have more fun going out for a night out with strangers than I ever did with them. Just book a hotel, go to a random city, find a dive bar and have a fun night. It's great being outgoing, but having 'friends' that are so obviously envious of that to the point of trying to drag me down to their level is a huge 'No'. Like I should be some quiet unassuming wallflower because I'm disabled. Not for me. I love talking to people and considering my chats with strangers are often quite long, they enjoy it too. Met a woman near the cathedral the other day and we chatted for an hour.

There's no real connection though. It takes me a little while to trust people because of past abuse and that doesn't happen in random chats.

Ultimately I'm not looking for solutions or pity (I hate that), just needed to get it all off my chest.

(Random photo from a couple of years ago in my old Kuschall tank for those of you who made it this far 🤣)

durhamjaide2001

I'm from County Durham to nice to meet you

Littlefatfriend

Hi Wheeled Weapon

In it's defence I point out that Durham is a huge county mostly made up of small villages. Durham City (like some of the surrounding areas) is very hilly and sometimes cobbled, which doesn't appeal to me. As with many of our older cities parking is often a nightmare, wheelchair accessible taxis are impossible to get on evenings here, and many of the villages have large estates of aged miner type bungalows where lots of us (people with disabilities) live.

I've lived in Great Lumley for 15 years and there's quite a (growing) collection of us here.

As you point out, we're none of us the same as each other. Life teaches all sorts of (sometimes very curious) lessons to some people!

My friendship groups have always developed as a product of shared interests/work. From motorbikes, dog walking and rabbiting in the countryside here to psychology, digital engineering, EDM and organising raves in the North-west, there's always been a root focus of things we enjoyed doing together and/or earned money from.

I've been a member of various disability-oriented groups in the 35 years I've used wheelchairs all over Europe. That taught me how complicated it can be finding cohesive agreement amongst groups of people who only really have in common that they have disabilities. I'm sure you're aware that disability can affect all sorts of people and does so in all sorts of different ways, sometimes directly in competition with one another. Teaching people with visual impairments made me aware how often their access needs directly conflict with the needs of wheelchair users. It's a funny old world and quite a few of "us" don't get out very often.

My point I suppose is that we are certainly out here, but we're such a hugely diverse group of people that our shared experience of having disabilities is rarely enough to bring us together.

We're all just people. By far the majority of my friends are also able-bodied. So was I when I got to know some of them. I don't hold it against them, it's not really their fault!

In that circumstance I encourage you not to concern yourself about it.

Good luck.

Ranald

Boring? I stopped drinking last Saturday and I am struggling to believe it has only been a week.

Stopping drinking might not make you live longer, but it will certainly feel like it!

Ranald

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/135603/im-so-bored

I'm struggling to read what's on your t shirt.

WhatThe

Ranald, probably best we don't find out 😂

I can see enough and have some idea 😁

Ranald

It is obviously someone at prayer.

WhatThe

I was thinking a wheelchair user approaching a rather low tunnel..

Wheeled_Weapon

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1037178#Comment_1037178

Ah, a fellow Durham person 😄

Well, if you see me whizzing around Durham (bright blue wheels) say "Hi!". I always look grumpy but I'm not 🤣

Wheeled_Weapon

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1037197#Comment_1037197

I spent the first year of my life in Lumley 😄

I think my problem is that my mates have become old and boring whilst I just want to have fun. So when I (rarely) bump into a fellow active wheely I get excited because we compare chairs & modifications 🤣

I've had more fun lately with complete strangers because I'm really outgoing. All my mates do is whine about the same stuff every time I see them, it gets old. Especially when they do nothing to help themselves. I don't care if my mates are disabled or not, but I have things I'm dealing with too, but find myself always counselling them. None of them understand what I go through with my disability because to them I make it look easy. They only care about themselves and need to realise I'm not their private full-time shrink. I will listen and try to help, but it's the same s#%t every. single. time.

I love Durham city with its cobbles and hills, it's my playground and keeps me fit and strong. Although coming off forwards when a caster hits a cobble is both hilarious and painful 🤣

I'm just feeling irritated by people in my life lately and needed a good rant.

Wheeled_Weapon

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1037258#Comment_1037258

I actually don't drink that much usually but can put away a skinful when I'm in a party mood.

I usually stop for a pint on my longer treks because it loosens up my muscles, but I make sure to stay properly hydrated too.

Wheeled_Weapon

@Ranald @WhatThe

Ooooops!! Forgot that T-shirt was in the photo! Glad it was too dark to fully read 🤣🤣

You really don't want to know 🤣🤣 My ex GF loved it though 😄

Ranald

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1037481#Comment_1037481

She loved 'praying'?

Littlefatfriend

The world's often smaller than it first appears Wheeled Weapon!

Lumley's nice and quiet most of the time. I'm right at the top of the hill if I fancy some exercise. My treadmill also helps me avoid rain.

We all sometimes find ourselves in the place you describe RE friends. That's why having something else to talk about (hobbies, work etc) can be so helpful.

I've always tried to ensure I regularly meet new people too. As you wrote, the novelty can make conversation easier, particularly if friends are dwelling on things. As you also wrote, solutions are the road to progress etc. That's just one of the reasons I no longer have contact with (I suppose) most of the people I've considered friends. People move on, situations change. Counselling friends can certainly get complicated and is rarely a good idea. Certainly not if a professional could help.

Ranting can be good for all of us sometimes, the trick is to do it in the right places (like here).

There's plenty of fish in the sea, dipping our toes can be great fun.

Please enjoy!

😺