Garden work

mangoelderberry23

i am struggling with getting help with our garden. We have unfinished work which is now upsetting the neighbours. I am not capable of doing the work. My husband currently has a shoulder injury, but he’s not doing anything to help himself get through it. I have been very stressed and anxious all day. He won’t agree to getting someone in, another person has been called in to mediate between mu husband and neighbour. I can’t afford a gardener and even if I could my husband is getting very controlling and watching everything I do. If I could do the work myself I would. Sorry for the rant 😖

Trevor_PIP

If you can't do the work, your husband has a bad shoulder and you can't get anyone else to do it, don't worry and the neighbour should understand really. My garden was a mess for a couple years because I couldn't get a gardener but the neighbours were OK with it. It is hard to get a good gardener at times to do the work....

It is your garden, what is the issue with the neighbour, if you don't mind me asking?

Bluebell21

Hi @mangoelderberry23 I am sorry this situation is causing you to be stressed and anxious. Has your husband said why he will not get someone in to do the work that needs doing in your garden? Is it a large job that needs doing?

Sometimes we all need to have a rant and it is a safe place here.

Be kind to yourself.

mangoelderberry23

hi @Trevor_PIP

Unfortunately it’s a bit of fencing which should have been long since completed. However when husband was working on it last year he went the other side of the fence to do something and the husband next door got really snarky and unpleasant (because my husband didn’t have the courtesy to pop round first and make sure they were ok with him). The wife is in hospital and has asked me to get my husband to finish the fence but will need someone to mediate with her husband- the man has been named). Now admittedly my husband has a cronky shoulder right now but he could ask around for help…..he won’r. Since my health has been worse physically and mentally he’s become rather controlling and his temper is not good (both things he denied). We also have a lot of weeds in the front garden (my mistake biying a butterfly and bee mix), but all he does is get the lawnmower on them. The ones under the front window have been left to run riot. That will be the next complaint, probably followed by another passive aggressive anonymous note (which we got for parking legally on the road when we first moved in, or more worrying a call from the housing association).

I am scared if the neighbour as I have been the recipient of his anger a lot because of my husband. My husband is also stubborn.

Sorry long waffles thank you for your kindness

mangoelderberry23

Hi @Bluebell21 my husband has refused countless times to pay people to help. I would do it myself if I could but I know it will ramp up my pain. Quite honestly my husband’s temper scares me, not physically but mentally. I also tried to speak with his sisters yesterday because he’s not stepping up to support his mum. I have some sympathy with that and the pain in his shoulder, but don’t like being the verbal target.
thank you for your kind words.

Trevor_PIP

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1045893#Comment_1045893

I don't know what to suggest! It's a lot of hassle over a bit of fencing. The meditator needs to get more time if your husband's shoulder is bad, I mean he was working on the fence prior. Point on your husband going in the neighbour's garden to work on the fence but it is not a big deal to me. Get some weedkiller for the weeds under the window. I can't get over the message about your parked car either. You have to be able to park your car.... You have some awkward neighbours. All this could be the cause of your husband's temper. You should not get abuse of the neighbour either. You mentioned housing association, can they not fix the fence? You may need to have a word with them if you keep getting abuse from that neighbour, that should be stopped. I don't know what else I can say.

mangoelderberry23

@Trevor_PIP it’s definitely a hassle and a very small snarky village. No one wants to become a parish council member or the clark. There’s always moaning.

The chap next door is definitely nastier now than when we first moved in. I try to avoid him. I know he’s poorly but that doesn’t excuse it.

As for my husband, I think his sister might rip into him. My uncle is very unimpressed but hasn’t seen my husband for a while.

Housing association is run by The Muppets or George, Bungle and Zippy!!!

Thank you so much for supporting me

Trevor_PIP

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1046130#Comment_1046130

A village... I am starting to understand better. You just about have to ask for permission to move into villages in my area. No excuse though. Try not to stress about it all and have a word with your husband that you are getting stressed out over it all. It's a lot of hassle over a bit of fence. As said a weedkiller will sort your front garden out. Park your car outside your property, or is there a driveway, there shouldn't be any nasty notes appearing again. Is there a village Policeman, have a quiet word with him too! Keep calm and try not to worry, it will sort itself out in the end.

mangoelderberry23

@Trevor_PIP Yes that’s definitely the case we have been here 7 years and are still seen as outsiders, except for the pub, we get on well with them even though we can’t afford to go very frequently. The pub gets loads of complaints about parking and loose dogs (which they do try to keep to a minimum but customers are less concerned). It’s a beautiful location this village but remote.

Ranald

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1046303#Comment_1046303

Care to name and shame the village? OK, what county is it in? (Nosey Parker that i am).

It all seems like a storm in a teacup, but neighbourhood disputes are no fun, as i well remember.