Anhedonia
Hi
I am doing some of my daily activities but its been like going through the motions for a while but recently its like i cant get any joy. I have been faking it but i never smile and i feel irritable so much more and so even faking it has become too much. I have isolated because its easier than to be around people i dont trust and people usually minimise what your feeling and ask are you okay only really means say you are or it just comes out you as a negative spew.
Its like a huge great wall of china between me and doing something with enthusiasm like playing with my puppy. I have noticed i cant even fake excited noises. I feel very guilty. I tried tell wellbeing officer but being told your doing okay when your really not just makes it worse. The negative talk come in my head too.
Is there any medication i can ask for?
Comments
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"I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. It takes a lot of courage to share how you're really feeling. Remember, you're not alone, and there are people who care. If you're comfortable, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional for support. You deserve to feel seen and heard."
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Antidepressants make me feel exactly like that. It's the reason I can't take them.
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Im not on antidepresant i have other meds just anhedonia creeps in. I never found anridepressants work. Biggest waste of meds to nhs its just a general firstline med for gps who are unable to deal with mental health in my experience. Try this try this no? try this one.
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Thanks but i dont have anyone
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Fully agree about antidepressants. What shakes me out of that feeling is very intense exercise. I often joke that if I didn't exercise I wouldn't care about anything.
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Yh i used to be like that. I havent had an interest in this for years i dont like being around people. Im not in a position to try this at home atm. Play with my puppy is like exercise hes very intense and strong and can sprain your fingers and he tires you but not that endorphin level you get in a run or compound exercise. I used to listen to motivation to shake it with exercise to try cope but im not even at that level. Its like going so far in that you cant change things and you put barriers in you cant see like tunnel vision trapt in routine. The sky is blue the view is nice but its so far in you cant appreciate it and you dont see it. You can try an light the fuse with a fire but the fuse is damp and all i do is try to wait it out to feel a spark in joy.
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I really like being around people, but entirely on my own terms. I'm really friendly and will do anything for anyone but I won't allow anyone to get emotionally close to me. I can have a great time with strangers, had some amazing nights out with people I don't know but if anyone tries to befriend me, they're gone out my life permanently.
My exercise is around 10 miles a day, 5 days a week in my wheelchair. Solitary exercise because I prefer it that way, plus I'm a lot faster than walkers.
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Your good emotions sound so deeply buried they're inaccessible to you. I have no medical expertise nor recommendations but when I feel like this I have a bloody good raging scream (like you're going into battle!) Let it out as much as poss. Let out some of that negative **** that's dragging you down. My other go to are a few fave rock songs on full volume. Oh, and a good cry which is what all this usually results in. Nature's way of letting off steam. Good luck, sweetheart.
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Totally relate got worse after seeing psychiatrist my bubble burst the walls to I build years crumbled said exactly same the other day I'm not happy noting makes me happy I know it's lack if dopamine but antidepressants don't work for me at all and trying them then coming off is so hard I isolate too was in tears the other day trying to express myself and got told I'm bringing them down so just retreated again and all this with labour has triggered so many things I feel exposed and vunerable useless no one gets it and yes reading report from psychiatrist stated clean tidy blue top sunglasses hair back good insight doesn't appear depressed no I'm masking !!! Sorry it's hard to explain but I totally get it mines deep sorrow it's good you have a puppy what breed is it because sometimes I can be so low and they do something silly or come give me a cuddle but puppies hard work I forgot my daughters dog 4 now honestly when she was a puppy my god I was pulling my hair out she's alot more settled now x
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Do you find being in a wheel chair more time consuming to doing simple tasks? 5 days a week is good most people cant even make time for that. Mornings used to be best time for me not many people and if they are there they didn't want to talk much due to needing to do it quickly to go work. If you worked upper body to failure in low reps that would be too much lactic acid because in someway forearms are activated in most of your exercise?. Do you only work slow twitch muscles to increase endurance?
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No, I hit the gym every other day too, heavy lifting. I'm faster and fitter than most people (disabled or not). The wheelchair doesn't slow me down for anything but I know that's because I keep myself fit.
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Yh i understand its horrible and can drain you masking and when you do let out all the negative its not nice for them and it makes you the bad person. I used to wallow in despair and when i had to see someone masking was easier because i didnt have to do it all day. Ie really struggling all week then you make it to council visit and you did something positive and they ignore all the hardship you felt since meeting and tell you its not too bad.
I have a gsd i am able to meet his needs, but yh i don't recommend a puppy because if negative thought creep in you can be over protective and shout in a panic esp when mine was ill ie LEAVE IT! hes loved and not shy and gives purpose. Looking after in the beginning was very draining because you cant sleep in and an obligation and you have to overcompensate for situations when unwell and make the environment adaptable to his needs as things go wrong. Also get a puppy that meets your personality. I didnt want a lap dog but i didnt anticipate situations that went wrong like less than ideal neighbours and this made things difficult for training and effected how i was. Prepare things that go wrong.
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"Your good emotions sound so deeply buried they're inaccessible to you. I have no medical expertise nor recommendations but when I feel like this I have a bloody good raging scream (like you're going into battle!) Let it out as much as poss. Let out some of that negative **** that's dragging you down. My other go to are a few fave rock songs on full volume. Oh, and a good cry which is what all this usually results in. Nature's way of letting off steam. Good luck, sweetheart."
I get what you mean a feeling of wanting to go out in the middle of nowhere and just wanting to scream. Sometimes i feel sad i stand facing kitchen top and my dog barks and snaps me out of it. Horrible feeling putting that on him but he has settled and is very happy boy.
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Yes I looked after my daughters dog alot ahe works goes out holidays ect the stress I felt was overwhelming I have two of my own but I got so scared something would happen to my daughters puppy whilst I had her I couldn't relax and she would eat anything or spot anything I've been blessed with my two ao good my daughters dog got stung by a wasp I grabbed her booked taxi went running into vets awful as I don't like going out at best of times they all just looked at me I was shouting she's got stung by a Bee !! 45 pounds later and stressed to eyeballs glad to say she's alot calmer now but if my dogs get ill I get beside myself
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Ah yh i know this feeling i recommend getting a camera to watch them when away esp for training so you know whine is just attention or you can read too much into it. I dont let mine have toys now without supervision but its micromanagement as he wants to shred and eat so i have to play with him once a day with mental and physical. He just attracts trouble and does everything like bull in china shop. I also recommend pet health club you get pawsquad and if something goes wrong you can video them in emergency and vet visits are free coz puppy I have has hidden health issues. I have emergency vet on my phone just incase. Yh taxis are extortionate. Im glad he got better its hard to be logical over emotion you probably only had to worry if have breathing issues but its always better safe than sorry.
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Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Amazonianup?
You seem aware of and almost in touch with what are likely causes of how you're feeling. That's always a good start.
Negative thought patterns and routines are an easy habit which many people get in to. In certain ways that's how we are programmed to function. Our minds and bodies are immediately and sometimes enormously affected by anxiety and anger. Happiness can be seen as essentially a lack of those emotions.
More positive thinking can be taught and learned by/from an host of sources. It's ultimately just another habit.
It may appear like an oversimplification but that (CBT and the habits studying psychology taught me) has frequently provided a paradise island of sanctuary for me for over 30 years. A safe space where I can always go, because it's literally in my mind.
Just my two-penn'orth. Good luck.
You could ask your GP about CBT and you can self-refer through NHS Talking Therapies here:
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/
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I would refer to this: https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/is-cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt-gaslighting.
Im sorry but i dont believe in them. You already generically say its a habit people fall into when its not its a lifetime of experience to undo. A habit is choosing to pick up a cigarette for the first time and not wanting to have to go through withdrawal after. Its not a habit when the causes are real. I didnt one day decide ill respond negatively or respond to that as a threat. How do you go 'ow thats a great person to trust!' i will put all my trust in them and 'i feel safe'. Its not a tendency or choice you are made this way. Happiness is more than just a lack of anxiety or fear its actually being able to be in receipt of positive emotions and experience and have access to them not passing an MOT saying you've been told how to deal with a generic similar issue but keep going The tyres go flat but keeping pumping them up every 5 minutes.
I have also been to stress course years ago to try teach skills by NHS. Class had two teachers in the class giving generic advice for complex personal issues for about 30 people. If people are reacting to a situation that is real or perceived as real they cant help most of the advice given was so basic you could look up (literally reading of a presentation by X2 teachers) or your so unwell you cant function to do the basic things they're trying to get you to do. I ended up over years believing pain in my body was physical rather than my mind trying to tell me im not okay in my nervous system because if people like this. eg I remember I had pains in my right arm i remember being scared and then being told dont worry its not the left arm and being relieved. it didnt solve the problem but it normalised feeling pain in the body just to ignore what my response to ongoing long term stress and that i was having 'normal' body pains.
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My apologies Amazonianup
I intended "habit" as they're understood by psychology - "an automatic behaviour that is repeated regularly".
They often occur subconsciously and can have all manner of causes.
CBT would most likely all be one-to-one, it would certainly be individual to you.
Good luck
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Thats okay. I still dont see how they can help with circumstance before i can really engage to try. It would still be asking me to do things im limited by circumstance. I looked at your link. I think i did try something like this with a workbook online ages ago and it was like the stress course with very little help to me i think it was the mind plan that didnt help with my issues like sleep. I know a clean sleep routine helps but when your struggles compound the plan falls to pieces if your adrenaline from normally high has already sent you even higher due to a stress over reaction nothing is going to help with that for example smashing things up of mine might help with anger aswell with isolation with self medicating is going to be a lesser of an evil than say trying to stay social and potentially exploding near people as it would push my threshold to cope.
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I apologise again if this feels intrusive.
Before I understood how vaccines and antibiotics worked they helped me. Often I've learned most from experiencing new things.
In order to work, CBT would have to be done in person by an expert. One of the goals would be to establish exactly how and why the problems you're having are caused, and what you might be able to do to prevent that. I'm oversimplifying somewhat but it's all about you and how you feel. Exploring why you feel those ways.
I did CBT for reasons other than how I was feeling but I know people who have had it for that and it helped all of them.
Applying for it online may feel like a bit of a box-ticking exercise (I haven't done that) but that's just how the interweb works. If you prefer not to do that you could ask your GP to refer you. That may be helpful.
What harm could trying it do?
I really don't mean to add to your pressures, it just looks like it might help. Live/love your own life!
Good luck
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