Not sure this is the right category! ASD daughter not wanting to see her dad anymore

Stroud2024

Hi everyone

I'm looking for some advice as I've run out of ideas! My daughter is 11. Her dad and I have not been together since she was around 18 months-2 years old. She used to go to his every weekend. She is super attached to me (which I understand as I'm her constant and safe space which makes sense as there's consistency) she would often scream and cry and not want to go to her dad's. But shed have a great time once she was with him.

The last few years she's got really upset not wanting to go but circumstances have meant I needed him to have her. I've always felt terrible almost making her go. He's a great dad, so caring and loves sharing activities with her he's very playful and gentle and a father.

More recently hess had to work weekends fairly often. And so the every weekend slowly turned into once a month or twice a month depending on his work. Also now she's older she can more easily communicate to me that doesn't want to go. I'm anxious to put her in the routine of every other weekend as me and dher dad have decided, she has panic attacks at the idea.

She says he asks too many questions and gets too much for her. He hasn't adapted his communication with her as a preteen. I've tried to explain that to him and he tries to tone it down but he just can't help it haha he admits that. Today she is meant to be picked up just for a few hours to go out for the day. She started crying and getting angry.

I am not sure if I say she doesn't have to go that it'll become a situation where she never sees him! How do I help them create a bond? I didn't have a healthy father I would love them to be able to have a good relationship.

Sorry for the essay! Haha! Just hoping someone else has had a similar situation and knows what to do! 😭

Thank you and happy Sunday! 😊😊😊

Albus_Scope

Heya @Stroud2024 and a merry, if slightly toasty Sunday to you too! I hope you're managing to stay cool?

That sounds like a tricky situation for you all. It sounds like the main thing that needs addressing is the dads behaviours around her. I understand he's just being interested in what she's getting up to, but I totally understand how overwhelming it must be for her. So maybe a bit of coaching for him? Or a bit more coaching anyway haha. It'll definitely take time to not be quite so keen, but I think he'll at least be able to find some kind of happy medium for the two of them. Maybe throw in some light touch days out based around her special interests, so let her take the lead for a bit when they're together?

I get it's probably a lot of pressure on you all too and a change of routine which wont be helping things, especially if there's any hint of pathalogical demand avoidance on her ASD spectrum.