Just a rant. Since my illnesses and subsequent disabilities, my appearance (especially my face), my voice and my ability to express my thoughts properly, visibly make colleagues laugh at me. Only one person (hired by his friend who is also our manager who gives them special treatment) thus far has made an open remark about me and did an impression of me in front of one other member of staff who joined in laughing and commenting about me, but some of the other colleagues just laugh, and its not in my head, I can tell its towards me.
I need the work as no one else will interview me and I have been unemployed for a long time, but it’s really annoying and the worst part is I don’t realise I’m doing it until I watch meetings that have been recorded for others. In my head, my voice and my reaction times in speaking sound and feel the same. The way I look in the mirror is totally different to how I look on camera.
Bizarrely this shouldn’t even be happening, the other aforementioned person doesn’t have to run meetings the way I do and yet has been assigned the equivalent task in other meetings. They don’t even have to organise anything, other meeting members are doing everything but our manager still says good work. Yet the same manager told the meeting staff members I’m with that I will be organising it and lead discussions, but I’m actually just there to assist in note taking and requests for information as that is all I can do in the meetings, I’m not even in their field nor do I have their level of knowledge.
Things are just weird. I just want to be ignored and work in the background, no promotion nor recognition, just basic work that needs to be done.
