Idk what to do in life anymore.

ryleyyg

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.
I try to mix in with people and it never works well..

people just either already have there own friends or they don’t care.
I feel like a alien every time I step outside my home.

I get scared walking around near people looking at people and speaking to people.

I could easily isolate myself for days.and no one would even notice or check up on me lmao.

Id disappear and sit in my room for weeks if I could and binge watch YouTube watch films and play games.

All I want in life right now is to disappear from everything and live in the middle of nowhere.
I genuinely don’t think I need friends

Because I talk to myself a lot anyways

I sometimes use my inner voice as therapy lol.
is this depression or what? I genuinely don’t know..

JD_INCINERATOR

I recommend speaking in front of an audience in some fashion. I've recently discovered that all I need is an audience so that I can be my true self and that can be very liberating and empowering if you feel that is what you might need. I've done what you've done and I still do watch films, play games and browse YouTube a lot, but I know that if I have a platform where I can speak and unleash myself-then I can feel truly empowered.

Also, go after what makes you truly happy, as that will give you more vitality. Join clubs and societies related to your interests and that'll keep you occupied. There is always a way out, but you have to keep on exploring the possibilities and something will be right up your street if you don't stop looking.

ryleyyg

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1056535#Comment_1056535

I appreciate this.
even joining clubs I still feel like I don’t fit in with people.
I’m not sure if it’s because I have a learning disability and i just think different or past experiences most likely that.
I’ve never really had “real” friends once in my life.

I could never speak in front of people I’d go in panic mode I’d pick my fingers get shaky and maybe panic attack.

I’ve only had one panic attack in public which was bad. I remember things getting blurry and I felt like I had to sit down.

Idk I just like this site scope as it’s the first time in years I’ve felt comfortable enough to at least let out some of my feelings. And read what others go through too.
there are some really great people here I wish I could give a shoutout too.
they probably know who they’re.

Littlefatfriend

People are very complicated Ryleyyg. All of us.

Recently I found myself in a conversation about youth clubs and the difficulties of founding and maintaining them. That's all about helping people get together, but for many teenagers it feels like asking them to conform to someone else's plan of activities. That's very much how life is, dichotomous.

Fear and anger will always be the emotions which most drive us and steering a route through them to connecting with people isn't often obvious.

I encourage you to trust that people aren't a threat to you. In terms of friendship the problem is most often that we are too busy to pay much attention to us, any of us.

For most people it's a very busy and often demanding world.

The greatest reason I know someone will check I'm alive at least every other day is that after 2-3 days my cats would start to eat me, and that would make a horrible mess.

I never run out of things to think about. It's a very big world and the interweb can teach us anything. Have you tried exploring hobbies? Lots of them are out there.

Why not try disappearing and sitting in your room for weeks and binging YouTube and playing games? Just for a change if that's what you fancy?

I don't play computer games but I've enjoyed doing nothing but music for days more than once.

That you can imagine there may be a place where you could find what you're looking for is a power in itself. "The middle of nowhere" would be perfect for most of the people I know, it's literally an ideal. They wouldn't need friends because they (and you) can imagine that to be perfect.
All of us engage in inner monologue. It heals me every day.

No, this isn't depression. This is loneliness and being able to imagine that things may be better. Improved. Many, many people are lonely. We're complicated.

In my experience the art is working out what is most feasible and most practical. I've been very fortunate to find ways around virtually everything so far and that can be done. It's only about working out exactly what I can reasonably hope for and figuring out how to achieve that.

Please pardon me for going on and good luck

😺

MD1955

Hi…..you definately do need friends or people you can talk to. Shutting yourself away in the long term won’t do you much good mentally.Most people talk to themselves it’s just thinking aloud. I suspect you don’t have depression just loneliness. People aren’t as strange as you think. Depending on your financial situation have you tried joining a class….like painting, bridge, exercise, anything you’re interested in and share your interest with others. Just talk to people some will not be bothered but others will be. I can’t go out really but do try as sitting in all day is just a bit boring I find. Take a book with you, people might ask what you’re reading. I’m lucky as I don’t find it difficult to speak to people but I used to. Practice as always makes things easier. Good luck.

vi568

Hi ..I'm in the same position..I know what your go8ng through...my names vince. If you ever need to talk I'm here.. take care and stay strong

onebigvoice

Hi,

Just to say firstly, as comments above have already stated, its just you haven't found your little neiche. But really you don't realise it. You have. 1. by understanding the situation you have been placed in is a big start. 2. By using this forum is another. 3. We are all here to help you. YES, you, as the advert used to say. Many years ago I was in a very dark place, where my day was, get out of bed, (when I could because of mobility problems) fight the pain to get dressed and have 'a breakfast' (what ever was quick, if I wanted to eat) go down stairs, (when I could face getting down one step at a time) sit in the chair and that was me for the day, because I had to take 28 different tablets a DAY, just to get this far.

Does this all sound familar? Motivation and believe me even today, years on, I need it to do anything, is your first step. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT. I started looking around the forum at other things, because its not only about the pain and what arte the government doing now. (well not all the time) there are posts about anything you want to discuss. AND, if there isn't then start your own……

My release is in posts like, write a poem? I can't do that… says you, but given a theme say my back garden, and write what comes into your head.

My back garden, OH I wish I had one,

I'm up here on the 5th floor looking down on everyone

I see the park off in the distance, so green and spilling out

but I remember months aso when snow stopped me from going out.

I see the changing seasons that go from white to green

and then I see the flowers take on an autum sheen.

It's not long for the winter, that blanket of snow again

Hello he's that Robin, who seems to have stade up here

You know its not that bad being up here you know

because I get to see the things that others do not know.

I put up a bird table, O K its not that big

But now I find the birds visit every day

Hello where's my grub.

You wanted motovation well here's a Good start

Get your self a bird table or even an up turned bath.

My robins are so tame they are not what people say

they are not the bully's of the bird world

but leaders where grub is involved and there here to stay

Its that easy, yes I know you say I can't do that? NO, negativity, give it a go, don't think about it just write.

How your day so far? Thats another theme, or how do I take cutting so they survive….. My fingers are green from diggiong up the grass… Tell me a joke…..

BOTTOM LINE; you are here reading this, so your already on your way, maybe you can research that bird that's turned up and think what the Heck is that?

Continue posting as there is always some one that will listen and join in to what you want to talk about.

Never give up… what are you going to do then? You could always watch Peppa Pig and Bluey…… again.

Bluebell21

Hi @ryleyyg Perhaps if you engage with the forum more and get used to chatting the Coffee Lounge is a good place for this under Categories, it will help to build up your confidence.

You could also join a club or social group your council should have a list of places in your area. Going somewhere new is difficult for most of us. Taking the first step is always the hardest.

Could you go for a short walk and say good morning to anyone you see. Most people will reply.

Take care.

smokey18

Hi @ryleyygy

I agree with Bluebell21 maybe if you join the forum in Coffee Lounge it could be a good place to build your social networks