CPTSD & related issues

66Mustang

I've been good today but struggling again

Everything seems to tell me I'm a bad person and trigger my CPTSD and I get panic attacks and burst into tears and other stupid things

I'm really trying to be faithful in the human race - I don't think people are intentionally trying to make me think I'm less than worthless

But my mind keeps telling me other things, using quasi-logic. Such as: I get told off for being upset, so I must be in the wrong. I must be a bad person because I share characteristics with other bad people. Everyone says people with "X" characteristic (male, white, able-bodied etc) ,are bad, therefore I'm bad because I'm also "X"

I keep trying to go through my past with a fine toothed comb. I'm told that because I'm white I must be racist, but I can't find anything I've done. People say I must be sexist because I'm male but I can't find what crimes I've committed.

I'm not perfect but why do people tell me I'm horrible but don't point out what I've done? Won't they just tell me??

No one will point out what I've done wrong. I've never committed a crime or done anything malicious. All I've done is ask why I'm a bad person, and people are horrible to me for asking

I probably won't be able to read the replies as it will push me too far but I just hope someone understands and is able to message me, it would mean a lot just to be understood and told I'm not a horrible worthless disgusting person

Please if someone can help, I'd appreciate it, this probably sounds so stupid but thanks

Girl_No1

Who is 'everyone'? Are they people in your life? Or articles you're reading/viewing?

I also have CPTSD and fully understand about feeling like a bad person because our experiences mean we don't always react the way others do or in the expected way.

If they are people in your life, perhaps you should take a break from them?

If it's articles/programmes you're watching, again perhaps taking a break would help?

hyancinth

Hi Mustang

Ive popped on here today to get a question answered but felt the need to reply to you…

Thinking youre percieved as a bad person is part of depression/cptsd/ Youre conditioned/prone either by your past or chemistry to think this. Think about the opposite, people who are just utter rotten not giving a damn or even mildly mean never feeing guilt or shame and never thinking anyone is noticing. Your attention is as extreme as theirs is oblivious.

Im astounded people dont think about themselves for their behavior or thinking when I too fret alot.

But are you sensing actual disapproval or imagining it based on previous negative situations? I do both, maybe you too.

Its tough I know. My remedy is to stay away from alot of people or spend little time around them so I dont read them or read too much into things.

JasonRA

You're not a disgusting person nor are you worthless. If you haven't already stay off social media, if you're being abused in person contact authorities.

Many things like what you have described are magnified tenfold on social media, in the outside world usually the public regardless of background has a live and let live philosophy on life, they don't judge you on your appearance, it's mainly reciprocated respect is the measuring stick.

I don't believe in collective guilt or guilt tripping, in the history of this planet Humanity whoever they are have conquered, fought and enslaved but a key to this is to move on together, to reconcile and work together to build a better future.

Never feel that you're alone, If you have loved ones/friends/family contact them and confide in them. Talk to your GP, if you have a Wellbeing Team via your GP to get you referred.

I say the above with a passion because we both have CPTSD, it may be only words but I do sympathise with you and your predicament.

Apologies to the Mods if I said anything controversial.