Realised the levels of my anxiety

Jane315STARX

So last night I was at an appointment with my son.Basically he was having an assessment for Autism.I was left downstairs whilst he was upstairs with the male Dr who I'd met on my own the week before.Anyway,An hour passed and during this time all the staff left,the reception closed the shutters.By the 2 hour mark I'd googled on my phone how long these appointments normally take,had thoughts that this Dr wasn't really a Dr.Thought how would I possibly get through the door that had a code to get though and If I called the police what would I say?.I had 5% left on my mobile.I was literally sweating.I tried to calm myself down thinking what the likelihood of this scenario would be but that made me feel worse as unbelievable situations do tend to happen to me or I put myself in situations.Anyway all was OK.But I've realised that it can't be normal to get this overly anxious can it?

Biblioklept

I'm exactly the same @Jane315STARX and was told (in my case) it was part of my ADHD. My mind runs wild and is always assessing every potential incident or problem and works at a hundred miles and hour.

A logical part of me will be saying to calm down and that I'm spiralling but say I was in your situation you've described, I can already feel it and know I'll be thinking through all the steps of what I'd say to the police, what happens the next day, in a months time, planning funerals, my life without my son and so on - there's no end in the worry, until he walked back downstairs fine

It's a very very stressful and difficult way to life and you have my most sincere empathy because I know how awful it is!!

Grounding exercises and being able to distract myself is useful, and I've started when it happens to notice it early on and remind myself of the previous times I've "spiralled" and how it turned out, which is reassuring. I kind of do a "oh dear, there I go again!" and have a giggle at myself. It doesn't stop it completely but it helps me feel a little better ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

if you haven't already definitely try and talk to a doctor about some counselling! DBT can be great for this xxx

Jane315STARX

This sounds exactly like me.I get to the funeral etc.Thank you so much for this message.I am doing this constantly with every situation even situations that haven't happened yet and it's making me ill.In terms of therapy I've been on the waiting list for a year and hoping to start next year as there apparently isn't any availability on the nhs where I live

Biblioklept

Try reframing it as your thoughts are trying to help you, but that doesn't mean they are right. It's just you are hyper vigilant and super aware and your mind works really quickly. I hope you get the therapy soon and it's helpful for you❤️

Keep reminding yourself that your mind isn't always right, it's trying to be helpful but our thoughts aren't facts ❤️❤️❤️

There's a quote I read once that was something like "I've lived through some terrible things, some of which actually happened" and I always like to think of that, because the anxiety I'm feeling when I spiral like that and am planning funerals and breaking the news in my head is real, and is having a real impact on my body and wellbeing. But it's so important to remember that it isn't actually happening and it's being created by you, so you have some control in dialing it back and choosing whether to believe the thoughts or laugh them off and brush them aside (much easier said than done, I know!!!!!!!)

Biblioklept

This may sound silly and feel free to ignore, but I don't really get on with 'self help' books and stuff normally but have been reading these two books and have found them really helpful in feeling more at peace and less anxious about things I can't control!!

I don't know if it's your sort of thing but the second one is available as free podcasts if you prefer to listen to stuff, the first is really small bite sized chunks

Albus_Scope

“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” Mark Twain. 😁

Anxiety can be perfectly normal, it can mean nothing more than you were worried for your son, but your brain had some free time it needed to fill. But some of us do enjoy overthinking things and catastrophising everything in our heads. As Bib has said, it can be really helpful to just stop, take a breath, then reframe things by asking yourself why you may be thinking this. I tend to break that thought loop by looking around and naming out loud 4 blue things, 3 red things, 2 green things and a yellow thing. It really helps with focus. 😊

The short answer is "We're letting our brains gaslight ourselves"

Jane315STARX

@Biblioklept thank you very much for these suggestions I will definitely take a look x

Jane315STARX

@Albus_Scope I agree.I think what I'm finding hard is I'm remember that over 20 years ago a therapist said to me "when you have thoughts like this,try to visualise the worse case scenario.This is very unlikely to happen so then visualise the most likely outcome".The problem with this is that over the years I've put it into practice and as a consequence the most awful of consequences have happened.It was very unlikely that the events would have happened which is why I'm such a firm believer that our destiny is written.You couldn't possibly foresee see some things.But I try cater for every eventuality however outrageous it may seem.

OverlyAnxious

That sounds like absolutely terrible advice from the 'therapist'. I hope they're not still spouting rubbish like that nowadays. Visualising the worst case scenario is just fuelling the fire. Not helpful.

My situation is perhaps different to most peoples though. In that my anxiety almost all comes from experience. I don't have much imagination to visualise things that haven't happened while I'm awake. (Yet get horrific nightmares when asleep, don't know how that works!) So no matter how bad I think something is going to be beforehand, it is almost always worse in real life. And once it has happened, then I have that memory of experience to create more anxiety for the next time… And the more times I attempt something, the worse it gets, and the more anxiety builds up. For this reason, there are no words that can help me, and it is only words that other people can offer as far I'm aware.

Jane315STARX

Do you also find that when you identify with something familiar that you detach or dissociate?.I find I do this which I think leaves me vulnerable to simular situations happening again.But then I'm also aware that this could lead to total paranoia but as im a mum I cannot afford to place my son in situations of danger

OverlyAnxious

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1073782#Comment_1073782

Yes, I think I get something similar to that. I'm not a parent so not responsible for anyone else. However I do have certain triggers that my body just refuses to accept after previous bad experience which leaves me in vulnerable positions. It is a very difficult balance in my case because the situations tend to be caused by other people (pushing things that I have already told them I can't cope with) but also I do really need a 100% trusted person to assist me during those times, which I don't have currently, and never have had so far. The only way I can manage now is by choosing to avoid the worst triggers as much as I can. But that is not always within my control. Personally I don't believe I am paranoid (so far) as I can usually see things clearly and rationally either side of the events themselves.

Kimi87

I actually find it helpful at times to visualise the worst case scenario, because I then come up with at least two actions I could then take to deal with the situation should it happen.

Jane315STARX

That sounds positive so you have some very good qualities in your character that have enabled you to help yourself sometimes and understand things within yourself

Jane315STARX

@Kimi87 yes so everyone is different.I really wished this worked for me.Perhaps the idea may work for others.Im just glad I didn't call the police as this really would've been a total embarrassment for my son

OverlyAnxious

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1073796#Comment_1073796

That is interesting to know.

In that case, perhaps it works for people who can physically cope and manage with the scenarios that they visualise. (And only experience anxiety as a mental thing?)

I know from experience that my own body physically just fails in certain scenarios, preventing me from continuing with a task or event. There is nothing I can do about it when that happens, no matter how much I've planned and how much I've prepared and practiced beforehand. So in my case, there isn't an action that I could choose to make if the worst happened.