Imparting My Innermost Thoughts

JD_INCINERATOR

I attend Andy's Man Club-which is a charity for men's mental health, and last night I read out a very profound and insightful piece on one of the members who was in the room with me. Here is this post for those who would like to read it:

To be honest I'm a bit nervous about this.

I wasn't thinking about doing this, possibly not at all doing this because I love you guys and you mean a lot to me and singling one person out seems unjust, but I want to use my time to talk this week about Rich. I know we love Rich because he's a gentle fun-loving soul, and a victim of Damo's short jokes-but I cannot state enough just how much of an impact he has made on my life, as I'm sure he's made a tremendous impact on yours as well. Personally I feel he resembles hope and is a beacon of exceptional light, that to which he may not see in himself. I don't know Rich outside of this place anywhere as much as I know him in it, but what I see and hear is a man who works so hard but is so gentle in his demeanor and so approachable. I certainly wish for many more people like him in my life because his traits are so endearing and relatable in a way that strikes a profound chord. I feel that behind all the laughter and joking there's a soul of a man that has faced many personal wars, but somebody who has an almighty presence that I am struck by.

He reminds me of what I need most in my life-calmness and reassurance. When all the pressures get to my head and I cannot cope and I feel as though I've not got the people to talk to, speaking to Rich has the ability to help me see things in a renewed sense-which is such a powerful thing. I've gotten incensed with rage before, even right here-but when I speak to him in this state I'm not angry for a fleeting moment because he allows me to reflect on what I need to focus on-maintaining my mental equilibrium. Maybe I feel his pain and hardships strongly, but I can also feel the enormity of his victories. I send Rich jokes and I speak to him on Facebook as much as I do because he is somebody who I can feel confident telling anything to. I want connections with people that allow me to express myself and how I feel, people who I can talk to about anything whether I'm having a good day or a bad day, and Rich is someone who I can talk to about whatever. This is why I come to AMC and I've been attending regularly for over two years, yet when I consider the traits that I hold dear and that make me who I am, I feel like Rich embodies them in many ways.

To tell you the truth, I sent Rich a Christmas card last year and in there I wrote a message for his son because his son drew a smiley face on my birthday card, so I thought I'd return the gesture and then some. I stated that his son has an incredible father who works very hard and that does everything he can for him. I think it's because I can feel this way about my own dad and it makes me so emotional because these days I feel like I'm playing Where's Waldo in my attempt to find the version of my father who I love dearly more than anything. I can't help but feel so insecure about how I feel that bearing my soul is the only complete way to understand what lies deep beneath me.

I don't have to be a dad myself to feel the extent of hard work, dedication, time commitment and energy because I fold under such realizations when I think about every single thing my dad has sacrificed for me, whether it's me in dire straits in hospital as a boy, or whether he's taking me out on trips. What I see here are fathers like Rich, like Mat, like Scott, like Ant, like Damo, like everyone else here I've forgotten who is a dad and their efforts and their struggles and strife to keep it together. I feel it and it crumbles me to tears because I feel I am unable to express to my own father how important he is to me-it shreds me inside but I still show the pretending armour of alrightness. I acknowledge all of you because I feel faded inside by the forlorn realizations that the closeness with my father is distancing. I know it's important to keep the closeness, but will he be receptive or rejecting of it-I can't be sure.

So yes, Rich in some ways has defined what I truly want and need out of friendship. I always yearn for connection and a feeling that my parents shouldn't have just let my head expand until I could no longer survive. I am blessed to be here every week, and I feel that here I can light my candle and let the flicker put me at ease.

Catherine21

Thats lovely its special when you meet certain people who you connect to and feel thier energy thier soul they bring out the best in you even inspire you he must have felt very honoured w

Rachel_Scope

That's absolutely beautiful. You certainly have a way with words, and I'm sure he was honoured to have you speak about him. I bet it was incredibly nerve-wracking but the fact you did it shows a lot of strength.

I've seen flyers for Andy's Man Club and always thought to myself that it's such a great idea because a lot of men feel unable to share their feelings, so it's really good to hear your experience. I hope more men attend things like this and break that stigma.