AIBU (housing situ)

worryworm95

Hi Scopers,

It's been a while since I've come here, I'm pleased to say since the last time I was here I was awarded LCW with the DWP and my mental health and confidence has improved tenfold.

Unfortunatley, I find myself in a situation right now where I'm both dealing with mind games and my own anxiety. Basically, long story short, I lived with this girl for several years on a joint tenancy, I paid all the bills and she actually never offered , she then goes away and when shes away she asks if she can pay less rent and I pay more, she gave me 2 weeks notice and because of my UC/HB I had already budgeted for the month. I dont think she was completley aware I was on UC/HB even though she knew I was signed off work sick / am self employed.

After I had said any rent split would need to be given due time and consideration, she then unfollowed me on Instagram, and whilst theres many reasons one might do this, it does seem like a very convenient ‘mistake’, or the sort of move you would only make if you wanted to try and cut somebody off socially (she also said she had brought up a rent split before when she hadnt!).

I've basically offered to take the tenancy on as sole tenant, and told her this today after over 10 days of not hearing from her, shes saying she intends to come back but is happy to move, but is behaving like she hasn't unfollowed me/cut me off….. I want to say it's almost gas lighting in a way but I dont even know if it's that or just mind games.

My question is: AIBU for thinking she wanted to end the friendship by unfollowing me, especially after I had proposed negotiations. AIalsoBU for not wanting to live with someone who behaves like that and then acts all surprised when I challenge their lies. Or am I simply loosing my mind (satire!).

**I personally dont think I am, but I also listen to Phil Collins sometimes….

Thank you for any advice/comments, just wanted to vent and get a perspective,

xxxWorm

Rosie_Scope

Hi @worryworm95, welcome back to the community! Sorry you haven't had a reply to this yet. That sounds like a really difficult situation.

Joint tenancies are tricky sometimes, but the way she's been treating you regarding the rent and bills doesn't sound very fair at all.

Has this person stopped interacting with you completely or just on Instagram? If she's been ignoring all your messages, then it's definitely not unreasonable for you to be upset about it considering it's affecting you financially as well as emotionally.

worryworm95

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1080396#Comment_1080396

Hi @Rosie_Scope

So since I made this post , I received some very manipulative / horrible messages from her saying I was kicking her out / pushing her out. I didn’t respond to these except to say i hadn’t kicked her out and that this situation was initiated by her, and that it’s affected my mental health.

She accused me of being confrontational and making it difficult for her to live at the flat, I ignored that.

She messaged me on Saturday to say she was coming to get some things from the flat that she needed to get , my gut is saying she is moving but she hasn’t said if she’s given her notice yet , so im emailing the landlord to inform her of the situation today. Luckily I have a good relationship with my landlord but am worried about getting more nasty messages.
I have since unfollowed her on Instagram (when I got the last Aggie message from her).
Hope this update makes sense

Worm

Rachel_Scope

It sounds like you've done the right thing @worryworm95 by not getting caught up in an argument with her and informing the landlord. Has she said when she's coming over to get her things? I would block her once it is decided if she's definitely moving out, you don't deserve abusive messages.

worryworm95

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1080969#Comment_1080969

She’s not said , she only messaged me on Saturday to say she needed to get some things and I’ve made it clear she’s welcome to come back and do that (I’ve given her 6-8 weeks) , I’ve unfollowed her on IG now. I’ve told the landlord about the fact FM said she wanted to go and that I am intending to stay as sole tenant

Rachel_Scope

You've been very generous in giving her that long so hopefully when she does pick up her things she'll be friendly. How do you feel about being a sole tenant?