Hi there, this is Smelly Bin :) Ill with ME, finding joy and self-compassion

SmellyBin

Hello there wonderful people, I hope y’all doing okay today.

Let me try to explain a bit about me and my circumstances… I’ve been ill with ME for over twenty years, housebound for the most of it and no disability allowance unfortunately. 

Perhaps surprisingly, I do know how to find tiny moments of joy (a bird singing in the garden, petting the cat) and often feel like emphasizing our interconnectedness, but those are far from sufficient with what is going on right now either in my personal life (hello menopause) and the world in general.
You don’t have to be dealing with a troublesome health to be struggling these days, even for those who are able-bodied. For me currently, to navigate pain and difficulties in life, it being all so much, the amount of it overwhelming… that feeling of not knowing how to handle the emptiness, the isolation, the uncertainties, the ignorance.

Pfff, I would’ve thought by now I knew how to deal with all this misery. Instead, I’ve got issues around nervousness (not weird with a dysfunctional nervous system), failing, guilt, and shame. Therefore, I started psychological help two years ago, which is still an ongoing project. Apparently, self-compassion is what I need, but it is hard to let go of ingrained patterns, so I mostly talk to myself as I would to a smelly bin. I would never talk that way to any other person, let me admit.

And as we all know, life is far from easy… feeling pain is what makes us human? According to the AI-assistant I am not alone in this. No, I am only kidding, I know, really know that I am not alone in this, but expect of myself to do and be better than this, which is probably something nobody is capable of.

The good news is, six months ago, celebrating my anniversary * coughs *, I treated myself to a little free library in the front garden. Indeed , I am a book lover, also a crazy cat-lady, and very much interested in mindfulness.

So yeah, struggling and feeling stupid - this is me... let me know if you want to talk about anything that occurs to you with me sharing this. I am looking forward to meeting other imperfect people :) 

PS - I am thinking of reading Tara Brach’s Radical Compassion. Any thoughts on this, either if you read it or would like to?

durhamjaide2001

Hi there and welcome to the forum unfortunately I don't have any experience in MS but I do struggle with mental health so we have something in common but I'm sure there is other people who have MS and will be able to share their lived experiences with you on this forum.

The other thing I would recommend is that you check out the coffee lounge for a general chat or the games den for some fun but other than that just a big warm welcome to this forum.

Pauly21

Thankyou

SmellyBin

Thank you both for your replies.

Yeah, a big warm welcome makes me feel appreciated :) And I've already found a topic about books!

Mary_Scope

A warm welcome to the community from me @SmellyBin!

Thank you for telling us a little bit about yourself, we do have lots of bookworms on the community (including myself!) so I hope you find the community to be a safe and supportive space!

I haven't heard of that book before! What sort of books do you like to read?

SmellyBin

Thank you, Mary. The book by Tara Brach is about being kind to yourself and to let go of feelings of unworthiness. Currently, I am more focused on things I am no longer able to do and I know I am selling myself short (if that is the correct expression), but letting go of certain thoughts is far from easy. I know everyone has an inner critic, but mine is quite the overachiever…